can1328 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I've been in NC for about 2 weeks now after my ex of 6 years broke it off with me. It's a long story...we lived together, broke up, got back together, she moved away and for the past 4 months we have been doing the LDR thing. It's only 150 miles so it's not too far. She wrote me an email a month ago saying how I'm the one and she never wants to lose me, etc. She realized this and wants to be the best gf she can be etc..... well she broke it off 2 weeks later. I'm having a tough time understanding that. 6 years and then kaboom. Today, she texted me after 2 weeks. I gave her a lot of money to hire an attorney when she got a DUI last March. I saved her from a criminal record which could've hurt her career. Today she got her license back. Her text read "My 90 days are up. Thank you for always being there to support me. I hope you are well." Then in another text "I've set up automatic bi-weekly payments to go into your account." I didn't respond since I'm trying to keep NC. But I got a little curious so I logged onto her FB page. I see a post from her friend that lives near me asking when she is coming back home to visit. She posted this to her wall over a week ago. My ex responded today and said "home? I am home I won't be coming back for a while I don't think." She logs onto FB about 30 times a day. I've seen this the past few weeks that shes been on and changed some of her profile around. Why does she choose today to write a response? the same day and time she texts me? She knows that response would hurt me since we always discussed where we would settle down together when we decided to bring up a family Aside from that, I see she and (from what I gather) her new guy have been going to concerts, beer events, ballgames, etc. This is when I get angry. I've been her bank for a long time. I lent her this money back in March. So now I'm going to wait until she pays me back through her paycheck while she's out living her party lifestyle with another guy? She's disrespected me in so many ways and here is another example. I don't want to break NC but I also don't like this situation. She set the rules on paying me back. I bailed her out of her DUI then she breaks my heart and runs off with another guy and still is setting the rules. I'm so confused on what to do. It's clear that this is over. That's no question anymore. It still hurts and cuts deep but I want her out of my life as quickly as possible before I waste anymore than 6 years on her. Any help and kind words would be helpful.. Link to comment
StrangeLove Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Well, I'm not an expert. But maybe she detach herself before the BU, basically lost feelings and wasn't open about it. Or maybe she found someone else between that two weeks. Yes, she disrespect you big time. If you approach her just talk about the payment, nothing else. If you feel the need to break NC because of the paycheck do it. It's not your duty to pay her bills. But other than that I recommend you to stay in NC. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 you're lucky shes paying you back for one. And breakups hurt. Stay off her social media. You need to detach and get used to a life without her. My ex wife dumped me after 24 years for her fling 16 months ago. Since our kids are older Ive been able to pretty much go no contact and NEVER visit her Facebook, in fact I deleted mine. Thats a road to pain. Take care, it gets easier. Link to comment
can1328 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 She potentially did detach herself. We fought a lot since she would never commit. All I wanted was to make a plan as to the exit strategy to the LDR. She would just say to chill and take it day by day. That wasn't enough for me. I just can't understand such a deep email saying how I'm "the best person in her life and she never wants to lose me again. She realized this the last time she broke up with me and is never going to let that happen again...." Then kick me to the curb 2 weeks later. I don't get that. As far as Facebook. I'm stupid to have kept it. I don't know why I still care about what she thinks. i picture her saying "he's so immature he had to block me." I shouldn't care what she thinks about me anymore. I have been the most respectful, loyal, supportive boyfriend through our entire relationship. I can hold my head up high if I run into any of her friends or family. I can't say even close to the same for her. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 She potentially did detach herself. We fought a lot since she would never commit. All I wanted was to make a plan as to the exit strategy to the LDR. She would just say to chill and take it day by day. That wasn't enough for me. I just can't understand such a deep email saying how I'm "the best person in her life and she never wants to lose me again. She realized this the last time she broke up with me and is never going to let that happen again...." Then kick me to the curb 2 weeks later. I don't get that. She was feeling lonley.....she reached out to you with that email because she wanted to be sure you were still there for her. But in the meantime she's got a new guy in the background and things are starting to take off so she's more into seeing where that's going than following through on keeping you around. Basically she asked you to be her Plan B man, which doesn't really show much consideration for your long term happiness, does it? As far as Facebook. I'm stupid to have kept it. I don't know why I still care about what she thinks. i picture her saying "he's so immature he had to block me." I shouldn't care what she thinks about me anymore. I have been the most respectful, loyal, supportive boyfriend through our entire relationship. I can hold my head up high if I run into any of her friends or family. I can't say even close to the same for her. Taking care of your mental and emotional health is a mature thing to do. If getting out of and away from Facebook is something that you have to do for your own health, then it's not something you should let anyone shame you for. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 It sounds like she has pretty much had her foot out the door in much of this relationship. You shouldn't focus on one message before the breakup ... because she was probably feeling bad about not loving you as much as vice versa. You should focus on how she broke up with you twice. How she would not commit after six years. How you guys were fighting. Signs that this was not going to work out. I think you also have to steer clear of giving a girlfriend money. Even if she pays you back, you will still resent giving it if she breaks up. Unless you can give money without expectations, don't do it. You have no idea if she wrote that to get at you. Her world revolves around her not you. Focus on not being on it so you are not feeling angry. Link to comment
sky09 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Hopefully there won't be a third time. I know, this sounds painful to read, but re-read all your OP posts and see how your ex has been behaving. Let her go. Square away any business and let her be. Focus on your healing and do not contact her for anything else other than business. No fb stalking either. You can do this. Link to comment
can1328 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Hopefully there won't be a third time. I know, this sounds painful to read, but re-read all your OP posts and see how your ex has been behaving. Let her go. Square away any business and let her be. Focus on your healing and do not contact her for anything else other than business. No fb stalking either. You can do this. You're right. I feel stupid. I think the pain I'm having is more from the feeling of being a fool rather than missing her this time. I was always hoping she would change and come to her senses. The longer I waited, the more she took advantage of me. I'm going away on a 2 week trip this friday. It will be helpful to be "off the grid" a little to cleanse my soul. She was not a nice person to me and did some very disrespectful things to me. If I remember those situations it will get me through this a lot faster. Link to comment
kbbcoop77 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Absolutely! Remember the negatives and knock her off the pedestal. It's normal what you're feeling but you have the power to heal...it's all in your mind. Thinking how my ex treated me the last few years usually refocuses my reminiscing pretty quickly. Link to comment
can1328 Posted July 31, 2015 Author Share Posted July 31, 2015 Quick update: it was my birthday on Tuesday. I knew I'd get some sort of contact which I was scared of. I did. 1st thing in the morning she texts me and says "happy birthday, hope you have a great day." I don't respond and after an hour goes by I get another text... "Is your plan never to speak to me again? Bc If it is I won't ever talk to you again." I also don't respond to that. Another 30 minutes goes by and I get "well ok, you could've acknowledged me and be civil about this but forget it." I just respond saying "thank you for the bday wish." She never responds. Now i feel knocked down yet again. It's been a few days and I can't get out of this funk of how she's made me feel. I don't know if I should respond to her questions or just let it go. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Instead of breadcrumbs we should call them rice. When birds fly down to get the rice they get sick. Much like us, we get tossed a little handful of rice and eat it all up, but it just ends up leaving us feeling sick. Sorry, her contacting you was about her ego and not really about you at all. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Instead of breadcrumbs we should call them rice. When birds fly down to get the rice they get sick. Much like us, we get tossed a little handful of rice and eat it all up, but it just ends up leaving us feeling sick. Sorry, her contacting you was about her ego and not really about you at all. Great analogy. Yah. .NC is hard sometimes. It seems harsh but a good case in point as to why it's necessary. That was a lose/lose situation for you. *if you initially respond, it opens a door you are trying to close *you respond after she baits you, she dismisses you. Next time. . no response. Sorry. . Shake it off. Or better yet, block her Problem solved. Link to comment
can1328 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Share Posted August 2, 2015 I guess I should've blocked her. It will be easier not to question any contact I get. I suspect that will be the last time I hear from her for quite a while given her response. It takes everything out of my not to contact her and say "why would you say that to me?" In actuality, I made it clear to not speak with me unless she's interested in a committed relationship. Since I'm not hearing that from her, any contact is meaningless. The only thing that is keeping me is the thought that someone could spend 6 years with you as then be a total stranger with a new life so quickly. That part hurts. Link to comment
mhowe Posted August 2, 2015 Share Posted August 2, 2015 You are Not strangers....you just don't have a future and there is no point in pretending that a friendship will work. Link to comment
can1328 Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 She reached out again. I took the bait. She asked me how the myself and the house were since a storm caused some damage in my area. I responded because I figured this would be a good time to discuss her payback plan. There was still no real agreement so it was something that we needed to talk about. It didn't go well. It seemed to me that she desperately wants me to not ignore her like I had been for a bit. She wants to be civil because she thinks our paths will cross in the future. I don't think there's any possibility of that given the cruel way she handled the end of our relationship. 6 years and she hops into something else, gets back with me, breaks it off again and hops into another. (Yet she denies that completely.) She's clearly not the one for me and I'm 100% moving on. But after speaking with her the other day, I feel so low again. How could someone who has been so awful to me make me feel so down? I just want to brush myself off and say screw her! She's not even worth my time! But I can't seem to get myself there. I feel like I've been kicked down and I can't get up. The thought of her happy with this new guy and friends beats me up inside. Link to comment
sky09 Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 She doesn't make you feel like anything. You make yourself feel that way. Cut your losses and block her number and online presence for good. Link to comment
can1328 Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 She doesn't make you feel like anything. You make yourself feel that way. Cut your losses and block her number and online presence for good. It's been done. I was holding out because of her still owing me money. Her response to me not liking how slowly shes paying me was "if you don't like it you can take me to court but this is all I can afford right now." I'm almost ready say forget it about the money. I'm her bank while she's out doing whatever she wants. Personally, I'd have trouble sleeping at night if I owed somebody (especially someone I screwed over) so much money. But I blame myself for being somewhat of an enabler and giving her this in the first place. She's been blocked. Let's hope this is my final push to healing from her rollercoaster ride. Link to comment
sky09 Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 It's been done. I was holding out because of her still owing me money. Her response to me not liking how slowly shes paying me was "if you don't like it you can take me to court but this is all I can afford right now." I'm almost ready say forget it about the money. I'm her bank while she's out doing whatever she wants. Personally, I'd have trouble sleeping at night if I owed somebody (especially someone I screwed over) so much money. But I blame myself for being somewhat of an enabler and giving her this in the first place. She's been blocked. Let's hope this is my final push to healing from her rollercoaster ride. Good job, brotha. You need to understand that you can't help anyone unless they, themselves, want help. You were the enabler (and I don't mean that in accusatory form). I was the enabler also. Boundaries. Try to practice that. Stay strong. Link to comment
can1328 Posted August 17, 2015 Author Share Posted August 17, 2015 Another update. I blocked her on social media sites but did not block her phone number. I do still have the money issue with her so I felt leaving this line of communication was ok. Got a call at 12:30AM on Saturday night. I looked at the phone and didn't answer. 1 missed call, no message, no follow up text, nothing the next day. Clearly it was a drunk dial. I'm proud of myself that I didn't take the bait. It must make her feel a little foolish too. Her birthday is this week also. I will not be contacting her for it since I don't think she deserves it after how disrespectful she was to me. I still hurt but do feel like I'm taking control of my own life now. It no longer revolves around her. I still wonder what she would've said on the phone. Probably nothing that would've mattered the next day. Link to comment
sky09 Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Good, good. Let the power flow thru you! Little steps, man. There will be setbacks akin to that one, but keep moving forward. In time you will realize your self-worth once again. Link to comment
can1328 Posted August 21, 2015 Author Share Posted August 21, 2015 Good, good. Let the power flow thru you! Little steps, man. There will be setbacks akin to that one, but keep moving forward. In time you will realize your self-worth once again. Thank you for the positive thoughts. Today is her birthday. Feeling kind of down. Trying to power through it and really enjoy the day for myself. This is the 1st time in 6 years we haven't celebrated the day together. I keep telling myself that once I get through these larger milestones it will be smooth sailing soon. Link to comment
fwdthinker Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 How did it go for you today? Link to comment
can1328 Posted August 23, 2015 Author Share Posted August 23, 2015 Not great. It bothered me the whole day and I chose not to say happy birthday to her. Yesterday morning she wrote me a terrible text message about how I'm so selfish and she's so happy she's done with me. She couldn't believe that I couldn't be civil enough to wish her a happy birthday. I feel terrible. Like I should've just said it. But I guess it doesn't matter. She's been so horrible to me for so long I didn't think she deserved it. This weekend has been pretty upsetting to say the least. Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Not great. It bothered me the whole day and I chose not to say happy birthday to her. Yesterday morning she wrote me a terrible text message about how I'm so selfish and she's so happy she's done with me. She couldn't believe that I couldn't be civil enough to wish her a happy birthday. I feel terrible. Like I should've just said it. But I guess it doesn't matter. She's been so horrible to me for so long I didn't think she deserved it. This weekend has been pretty upsetting to say the least. lololololololol!!!!!!!!!!!. !!!!!!! you're selfish for not wishing her a happy birthday?? lolollololol... i'm sorry, please re-read what you wrote. how old is she???? seriously. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 This girl has never truly been into you ... broke up twice, fighting, lack of commitment. Don't be passive by giving in to her bullying. Stay silent. Stay strong. Link to comment
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