Feeling back at square 1

[can1328]

I've thought the same thing. I was always fighting for her attention and commitment but could never get it. She'd push me away. I ignored that text from her as hard as it was. It makes me laugh about the selfish comment. She still owes me a lot of money from bailing her out of her problems. Also just the fact that I was there to help her through the whole process after she left me for another guy. i don't think I've ever been the selfish one. I wish I could read that text and not care but it still gets me where it hurts the most.

[fwdthinker]

So let's get some perspective... She wants thing s to be "civil" yet she betrayed you, hurt you, and then disrespected you by ignoring the fact that you told her (and rightly so) that she should ONLY contact you if she wanted to discuss getting back together. She has done nothing to respect you so far as I can see...

Sounds like she wants her birthday cake and to eat it too...

Don't feel guilty for trying to heal.

I'm sure she is feeling the pain of losing you, too. Most folks could not simply walk away from 6 years of "anything" without it being difficult. Try to remember that and let it shore you up to know she's hurting too. It doesn't mean she's right (she isn't), but hopefully it will help you start to calm down inside and know that you mattered to her. She just doesn't appear to have the maturity to respect what is best for you. And that is to continue healing yourself in a safe space of no contact.

[can1328]

You're absolutely right. She has done nothing to respect me. She didn't in the relationship and now continues to disrespect me outside the relationship. The last time we spoke, (almost a month ago now) she seemed to want to let me know how she's moved on and wants a future but not with me, etc. etc. (That was when I asked her why she wrote the detailed love letter to me 1 week before breaking it off.) Why does she feel the need to drunk dial me late at night, send a nasty message to me after I don't wish her a happy birthday.. I guess maturity is the key word. That was our problem the whole relationship. I was waiting for her to mature but she never wanted to. She wanted to party when she felt like it, drink whenever she wanted to. The fact that we had some responsibility later in our relationship (new home, bills, yard work, etc.) meant nothing to her. She was dying for us to move in together and get a house but never wanted to deal with the responsibility of it.

 

I recognize all these things. I just can't kick the feeling. I miss her. How could I miss someone who disrespected me so much and continues to try to hurt me for no reason at all? I don't know the answer to this but I'm continuing NC and I hope that's the right move.

[Ms Darcy]

It just takes time for the feelings to die down. after such a long relationship, you might consider a few therapy sessions as well.

[can1328]

I've been going bi-weekly. It's been helpful. I'm trying to do all the right things.

[ghostgirl116]

keep on keepin' on, my friend!

[sky09]

Good job on not responding. Do not cave in. She will keep baiting you. Time to block her number as well.

[can1328]

I know that's what is needed. It's tough to bring me to do that since we have the open issue of the money she owes me. I want to almost forget about it but I could really use that money back. She's paying bi-weekly and only 100 dollar payments. I asked her the last time we spoke to pay more and that it's not fair that I'm her bank still. She said "if you don't like it you can take me to court but that's all I can afford." (That's bull, I know how much she makes and what her expenses are.) Sometimes I feel like she is enjoying dragging this out for so long. I just want to cut ties but I still want what's owed to me. I don't think I can have both so I think I'm going to have to decide what's more important...moving on or a couple thousand dollars.

[ghostgirl116]

don't feed into her pleasure... which is getting anything over on you and making sure you sure as well notice! accept 100.00 per two weeks, or cut your losses all together; but a lack of money shouldn't be the reason you risk your emotional well being. you don't have kids with her... you are free. be free.

[can1328]

don't feed into her pleasure... which is getting anything over on you and making sure you sure as well notice! accept 100.00 per two weeks, or cut your losses all together; but a lack of money shouldn't be the reason you risk your emotional well being. you don't have kids with her... you are free. be free.

 

You're right. I could use the money, but don't need the money. My emotional well being is much more important. It's time I make her a distant memory. She's disrespected me and taken me for granted for way too long and I won't allow it to occur even after the relationship is over. I have a feeling that she will stop payments soon. Especially since I never responded to the nasty text she sent me about not wishing her a happy birthday. If she does, it only proves her character. We shall see. This week isn't a payment week!

[ghostgirl116]

I wish you luck. it's only money. I know that sounds trite, especially if you may need it (which you say you don't). but your emotional well being is worth way more than that money! good on you for staying strong!

[can1328]

Another added kick when I'm already down....

 

Short background... My ex and I met over 6 years ago though mutual friends. I was friends with this couple (leaving names out) as was she. When I met my ex for the 1st time we connected. Throughout the 6 years of our relationship this couple was our best friends. They got married 2 years ago. We were both in their wedding party. We spent a lot of time with them and had many traditions and rituals together.

 

Fastforward to now... we're broken up. Since my ex moved, this couple lives an equal distance from the both of us. I spoke to them this morning and was informed that he accepted a job he was interviewing for and they'll be moving. They're moving to the neighboring town of where my ex now lives. I congratulated them and told him how happy I was for the new job opportunity and offered my help in their move, etc. When I hung up the phone I felt like a bomb had been dropped on me. It felt like a similar feeling to when I was broken up with. I feel so alone. The 3 of them will be up there together now. I'm all alone down here. I imagine that they'll probably be hanging with my ex's new bf, or future bf, who knows. They've never taken sides in this and I've been trying my best to keep them out of it. When we used to hang out with them together it was the time where my ex and I would be so happy. We just enjoyed being with them. But then when we went back to our own lives, my ex would act out and go back to her partying with her random girlfriends. I was actually thinking this morning that I miss hanging out with this couple and how it was when we were with them. Then I get this call. We always talked about having children around the same time and being in each others wedding party and so many other future plans. Now I feel like I will never be a part of that but my ex will.

 

This just really beat me down this morning. I'm already feeling alone. I was ready to settle down and get married. Now I'm single and alone. While all my best friends are either married, engaged or happy. I fear re-learning how to date since I haven't done it since I was 22. And now, I fear hearing/seeing pictures of my best friends with my ex and someone else now that they're going to be neighbors. I don't want to have to block my best friends too. Why is this so painful?

[mhowe]

But then when we went back to our own lives, my ex would act out and go back to her partying with her random girlfriends

 

It doesn't sound like the type of woman a married couple would hang with. While you may have to travel to see them, I think you can still call them your friends.

[can1328]

But then when we went back to our own lives, my ex would act out and go back to her partying with her random girlfriends

 

It doesn't sound like the type of woman a married couple would hang with. While you may have to travel to see them, I think you can still call them your friends.

 

I agree. But I fear that she will settle down with a new guy and cut all that out. That will hurt me so much more. I know they'll still be my friends. They've done a great job of keeping in touch with me since the break up. I just feel extremely left out. I was always the one who was settled and had much more in common with them than my ex. But my ex and the wife were college roommates so they have that longevity. It sucks that they move and have a closer relationship with her distance wise.