klambert918 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Hello all, I was in a serious relationship with a man who I believed was the one. We lived together and had a really amazing friendship and relationship. The only issue was he had a daughter in a different state. After much debate, he decided it would be best to move to be with her. I could not go for several different reasons. We tried to keep a long distance thing going but it just didn't work out and after about three months of that we decided to end it. It didn't really end though and we have visited each other several times since (he's been gone for 8 months) and we've never really been able to actually end things. I've seen a couple of other guys here and there but nothing serious at all. It's never the same and I always end up feeling guilty or sad, even though we're not together. We've talked on and on about how we will be together someday and somehow I find myself just sort of waiting for him. He absolutely hates his life where he moved to and he hardly sees his daughter and is very depressed. Recently he has been considering coming home, which gets me excited but he wants to wait until his lease is up in 6 months. He asked me to wait for him until then, just in case he decides to come home. I decided I can't do that, I am so tired of waiting on the slightest possibility of him coming home and I've been putting my life on hold for him for a very long time. I told him I can't do it and that I'm ready to move on with my life. He is coming home in 3 weeks to visit and last night we talked about our future. I told him again that I'm ready to settle down with someone and if it's not him, then so be it. But I'm not waiting anymore. I told him that his words are useless at this point because there's never any action behind them. So this morning he told me that if I can just wait until he comes home he is going to show me what I mean to him.... essentially he told me he's going to ask me to marry him. I am a little confused because this is what I've always wanted with him but now I don't know what to think. I would still end up waiting for his lease to be up and that means another six months alone. So over a year of waiting for him. I don't really know what I'm looking for here, maybe just somewhere to vent. But if you've made it this far thanks! Link to comment
mhowe Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 He told you he is going to ask you to marry him in six months? What? Why doesn't he ask you now, give you a ring and move home in 6 months? Link to comment
DancingFool Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 I read it as he wants to propose in three weeks when he will be visiting home. I guess it all boils down to this - if he does propose and is serious about a life with you, then 6 months is nothing. Life will toss much bigger challenges your way than just temporary distance for a bit. Link to comment
sargon Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Yes, like mhowe said, it makes no sense for him to wait until he comes home to ask you to marry him. From how you put it in your posts, he's being somewhat evasive and he is definitely not being clear with what his intentions are. Something isn't making sense here. I suggest you continue to move ahead as if he's not coming back in 6 months and if something happens for you with another guy, then great, and if not, well at least you haven't wasted a half year on a guy who is making half promises for reasons unknown. Link to comment
klambert918 Posted July 3, 2015 Author Share Posted July 3, 2015 To clarify - yes, ask me in three weeks when he visits home. Link to comment
sargon Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 Ok, so wait 3 weeks and if he proposes and backs it up with an expensive ring then it's all good. So what you'll have to wait 5 more months to see him on a permanent basis. If having to waste/wait that 5 months is whats bothering you I suggest you decline the proposal. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 If you are officially engaged with a ring and a date then the 5 months won't be the kind of waiting you'll be doing -it will be your engagement time and you will see him as much as you can, right? My husband were long distance for a significant part of the 3 years we dated before marrying but we both knew we wanted to be together and we saw each other about every 11 days or so. We even were long distance for part of our first year of marriage but again if you have a solid commitment that's not a big issue or cause for concern. Link to comment
Theniceone Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 My concern would be him proposing when he sees you in 3 weeks but not following through with his move. He moved to be closer to his daughter, so he could change his mind. He did not say that he will definitely come home when his lease is up. Right now he is considering the option and asking the OP to wait just in case. I would not wait form him and having a ring on my finger would not make me more confident in his desire to be with him considering your history. He could try like many men to pacify you with the ring. I would hear what he has to say, but he would have to show through his actions how serious he is... a ring is not imo sufficient. Link to comment
klambert918 Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 My concern would be him proposing when he sees you in 3 weeks but not following through with his move. He moved to be closer to his daughter, so he could change his mind. He did not say that he will definitely come home when his lease is up. Right now he is considering the option and asking the OP to wait just in case. I would not wait form him and having a ring on my finger would not make me more confident in his desire to be with him considering your history. He could try like many men to pacify you with the ring. I would hear what he has to say, but he would have to show through his actions how serious he is... a ring is not imo sufficient. This is my thought exactly. Ultimately I can only wait and see. I think I'm just more baffled by the situation than anything. Link to comment
petite Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Move on and live your life. Don't waste time waiting around for anyone. If he wanted to commit to you, he'd have already done so. Link to comment
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