kabbyondastree Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Recently I had received a text from my ex girlfriend. She sends me texts once a month and asks how I'm doing and continues to play with my emotions by saying she still loves me and wishes she could be with me, but when I ask her to try again she seems aloof. I've told her so many times that I don't enjoy her behaviour and I tell her how it makes me feel yet, she still comes back. Last time she came home we went for coffee and everything went pretty good. She told me she still loved me and felt pathetic and guilty for not being able to hold onto our long distance relationship. She told me she wanted to be with me and wouldn't commit after stating so. This last contact she sent me a text saying "hey can we talk if you're not busy?" Blah blah. I asked what for and she said just to talk. I ignored her for about 4 hours and then when I was about to go to bed I told her again how I felt, yet I was a little angry and probably came off as so. I just feel like she comes back to me for a selfesteem boost. Everytime I say okay let's try again after she says she wants to be with me, she immediately tells me she can't. We were dating for 10 months, 1 month being long distance when she went off to university. I feel bad for getting upset about it, but I felt like there was no other way to get my point accross and get her to leave me alone if she didnt want to be with me. This has happened 5 times (yes I know I'm an idiot for not moving on and blocking her). I think the biggest part for me is that, she knows she's doing it to me but continues to do so, even though our relationship was pretty good until she moved away. Was I in the wrong for telling her off? She didn't seem to care either way. Her responses were pretty vague, up until the point I told her I wasn't going to be her back up plan. She got pretty mad at me and called me, which I ignored or else I probably would've gotten even more mad. I apologized later for maybe coming off a little rude (maybe? I find mind games rude and selfish) and I told her I won't deal with her mind games anymore and I will not be her back up plan. Link to comment
No1 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Just my thought. But maybe you are mad at yourself. You are mad because you are too weak to say no to her. Look..she is going to continue to say things like that because you feed right into it. You eat up what she says. There could be tons of reasons why she is saying "I love you" still.. maybe its her way of softening the blow, maybe she knows that you will fall for it, maybe she fishing for your feelings and every time she says that you come to her like a puppy dog, oh sure you ignore her but you give in and you should be mad at yourself rather than her. She is only doing what you are allowing. If you dont want to deal with it, then dont answer her... no matter how many times she reaches out.. dont answer. Because if you give in, you have given her no incentive to change her behavior. Link to comment
blanco Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 You say you told her you won't be her backup plan, but you've proven five times that this isn't true. Tell her you need to go NC. If she still texts, then block the number. I know how hard this seems, but you will never cut the string she has attached to you unless you can put some time and space between the two of you. Link to comment
malibu33 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 No you are not wrong for telling her off or how you feel. From a girls perspective who has kinda been there it sounds like she still has some feelings for you still in some way, bc if there were totally none she wouldn't bother texting or contacting you at all. But at the same time she probably doesn't know what to make of that, cuz part of her for whatever reason doesn't think she should be with you. So she keeps crawling back to you bc you are safe and familiar. And she knows you will always try to win her back and give her attention. If you ignore her it takes away her satisfaction of always having you there in the background. I know it really sucks that you wish you could be with her and she is so fickle. I have been on both ends. I have been the girl who plays games on guys. I have also been the on getting played. My one ex and I would do the dance you're playing for years, like he would say he wants to reconnect or get back together, I would be all for it, and then he would always bail soon after. Eventually he got a new gf and totally stopped contacting me, and I've been in a happy relationship for over a year now. In my experience of people like her she'll keep doing this to you as long as you let her until one of you finds someone new. I'm not saying you should totally cut her off if you don't want to. I'm just saying take what she says with a grain of salt and keep your eyes open for a new girl who will treat you better. Hope that helps, best of luck! Link to comment
kabbyondastree Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 I am very mad at myself! I am frustrated that I've let this happen over and over again and hurt myself again and again! But this last time she contacted me I immediately said I did not want to talk to her, and that I'm not going to be her plan B or let her play anymore mind games with me. I told her I've had enough. Even after saying this she didn't seem to care. She seemed like a robot. Like one time she told me she has no feelings or emotions. She doesn't ever feel anything... Not that any of this matters. I just wanted to know if it was a bad thing to tell her off... I felt bad because I usually am pretty calm but I think I've just hit my boiling point... Link to comment
kabbyondastree Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Also thank you everyone for your replies. It does give me some insight. Link to comment
No1 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 The reason why she seems she doesnt care is because you have shown her that your words lack conviction. In other words, she doesnt believe you. Your words mean nothing to her without action, and your action shows that you will eventually give in to her. You will follow her bread crumbs because you still want her. Words mean nothing, how you act will. So if you want her to leave you alone, dont respond. She will not make it easy for you so you are going to be in for a long fight. Whos will is going to win? Link to comment
kabbyondastree Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 This really helped. Thank you. This is what I feel is happening as well Link to comment
malibu33 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 This really helped. Thank you. This is what I feel is happening as well Your welcome! Totally get what you going through. Keep us posted and I hope it gets better toward what you want whether she's in your life or not Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Block her already. For good. And no flipping meeting her for coffee or anything at all. She consistently, repeatedly contacts you because you allow for it and because you answer- what has or can come out of that? Are you hoping something will come out of it? Hoping that you can reconcile or just reach some common ground that you can both part on with a sense of closure? Well, is that happening? It won't happen. The contact is setting you back in getting over it. Link to comment
RainyCoast Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 the title of your thread is Telling an ex off/how you feel about their actions it says that YOU have a need to communicate something to this girl. Which is why you make sure she's able to get in touch with you. Look, one of the most common post brake up booby traps is the idea that we will be able to prove a point to our ex, that they'll come to see us as worthy or deserving forgiveness or deserving respect or just plainly admitting we're right and they're wrong if he have made a certain amont of arguments. That can go on forever, can't it? I promise promise promise healing and closure happen when we approach them WITHOUT the ex's involvement and when the need for them to see us or our decisions/actions as we wish they would is dropped. Link to comment
chamachama Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Sounds very much like one of my ex's. Eventually I just couldn't take it anymore with the push pull stuff. I basically slammed the door shut. I believe the word "reptile" was thrown at her at some point during my last few extremely messed up angry emails to her. I've never ever had to say such things to anyone before. But she just kept showing back up in my life every few months. And our physical chemistry was so crazy that it was super difficult to deny her. Eventually it had to stop because I was getting hurt and it was impacting my life. So I made it crystal clear that I never ever want to hear from her ever again, after the last time she pulled me in with sex and then recoiled when I wanted to reciprocate and continue (which happened over and over again for over a year). I would venture to guess that both mine and your ex are on the BPD spectrum. And that said, do yourself a huge favor and deny her the ability to mess your life up anymore. Block her, delete her from your life. You'll be much much better for it. Link to comment
johnnib24 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Just gotta let her go and move on. If she contacts you ignore it. Life is to short dealing with childish games. You were right she was doing it for her ego but then you let her do it five times. Link to comment
kabbyondastree Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 Hey everybody. So she contacted me again last night just to say sorry. I did reply only to say that maybe it's for the best if we don't talk anymore and it's time for us to move on from each other. We live our own lives and we have our own goals. I told her she makes me upset when we text each other and asked her to never text me again. I finally blocked her on my phone as well! Time for me to look forward to the better things in life! Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Good. She is playing you like a violin. It is up to you to stop this. no contact. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 Keep her blocked dude. That's the best willpower. Link to comment
No1 Posted June 26, 2015 Share Posted June 26, 2015 You think she will just go away that easy? Im going to say she is going to try to contact you again... Will you be strong and stick to your word? Or wuss out and give in and only show her that you care. Link to comment
kabbyondastree Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 You think she will just go away that easy? Im going to say she is going to try to contact you again... Will you be strong and stick to your word? Or wuss out and give in and only show her that you care. Well I'm hoping I don't give in. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. Link to comment
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