bugatti Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I'm dating one wonderful woman for almost 2 months. Everything seemed perfect from beginning... attraction, curiosity, chemistry and all that stuff. When I met her I had very strong feeling, that we are perfect match. Because I knew her for few hours and I felt really great with her - like I knew her for years... But as time passed, I found some her flaws which are red flags for me... She is not able to express her emotions, she doesn't know how to accept compliment, her pride is soooo big, she never make first move, she is not initiative at all... When I do some favor for her she acts like it's something normal (few of her friends were in shock what I did for her and they admired what I did, but I think she did not realize it was a "favor"...). When I talked with her about issues which bothers me she said that these "issues" are part of her personality and she doesn't like these issues too and she is trying hard to fix them and improve in some things. Actually, I know that she is not right for me and I should ditch her. But I tried to change my mindset to "ditch her" story, but somehow... I can't. I still have feeling in my gut that it will get better with time, even I know - it won't. I just keep trying to stay in this situation and I don't know how to stop trying... So how it should be? Should "we" have issues like this just after 2 months of dating or it's not acceptable for future relationship? Do you think I should wait or I just need someone which fits me better without waiting...? I'm 26 and she is 23 if that helps. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Why are pushing this to work? You have only known her for two months. You should not be with someone that you feel needs to change. You're not compatible. Link to comment
bugatti Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I know that we are not compatible, but as I said... I don't know how to stop trying. Every time I try to ditch her, I say to myself "just wait, it will get better". And I simply don't know why. Maybe because I had some of these issues in past too and I resolved them on my own. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 You're expecting change. Not fait fair to her or you. You are prolonging the inevitable. You're not doing her any favors. I would wonder why you would chose to be in this type of relationship? Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 She does not need to get 'better'. She is who she is. And if she is changing to appease you, this relationship is doomed. You don't sound like a good match. Accept it and move on. It's sheer folly to change someone, or expect them to change for you. It's not going to happen. Link to comment
bugatti Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Sportster2005, Hollyj - thank you for your replies. You're right. I'm just trying to fool myself. She is wonderful person and she will be perfect match for somebody else - but not for me. When I wrote about "she does not like her issues" - I meant that all of her previous relationship ended because of these issues - so she is trying hard to change it... Link to comment
musicman777 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Quit fooling yourself. Sounds like this relationship is doomed. Like everyone else here said, she is who she is. Maybe she is not ready for a relationship yet in her life. Maybe she doesn't know what she wants. But it sounds like you are not working for her. Let her go and move on with your life, find someone who appreciates you and does all of those things you wish this girl would do. Good luck. Link to comment
YouCanDeleteThisAccount Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I ignored major red flags for a year and got hurt. You will never "fix" someone. I would agree you should end it soon before emotions/attachments start going deep. Link to comment
jesus83 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Wow, I'm impressed. The OP accepted the right advice before the end of the first page. That's a first. Link to comment
bugatti Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 Wow, I'm impressed. The OP accepted the right advice before the end of the first page. That's a first. Hehe, that is because I knew the answer but I just needed some confirmation - "it won't get better", "you're not compatible"... Link to comment
amalia Posted June 4, 2015 Share Posted June 4, 2015 From my experience I would say: either you accept the person or move on. If you question yourself after two months... you have already the answer. But speak with her, let her know why you take this decision. Link to comment
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