pavlo81 Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Ive been reflecting on my actions after break up and some of the things I have said and done have made my ex and friends despise me.....its horrible because I was really good to my ex.....I was just so hurt and lost my mind......I wont be remembered as a good person in her life and I think thats terrible. ....I dont know of anyone can help me.....been 10 months still depressed and miss her.....even though she has a new bf....I tried calling sat nighy her friend answered said she was "busy" thats how little I mean to her now Link to comment
lifesatrip Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 You could send her an apology letter (without ulterior motives of getting back together) if you think that would help make things right. Otherwise, just have to move on, I know it sucks. Link to comment
mhowe Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 After 10 months...you need to stop reaching out. Link to comment
brokenguy Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Since we are in the healing forum I'm gonna answer like this: Try your hardest to be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up. It's very common to make mistakes and say or do things we don't really mean during a breakup. Learn the mistake and never repeat it, which will make you a better person than you were before. Remember that it's in the past and the past is gone. From now on think of the now and your future. I'm gonna agree with mhowe on this one. After 10 months stop reaching out, admit to yourself that it's really over, and begin your own healing. Go complete no contact. Never reach out to the ex again. Start making plans and goals for yourself. Dream and think of how you'd like your life to be and what kinds of things you'd like to accomplish, of course without her in it. Trust me I know that it's really hard and hurts to think of her not in it. Get your self together and you'll attract someone else in the future. It's completely normal to think things like "But, she was the one" or "I'll never find anyone like her again." But, from everything I've learned and read, there will be another "one". There will be love and feeling whole again. Take an active role in your own healing. How? Well, a suggestion is to start spending as much time as you can, especially when feeling down about her, by self-improving. Exercise, watch self improvement videos on the internet, read self improvement books. Work on projects you really care about. Ect. Hang in there and keep posting here as long as it feels good and beneficial to you. That is taking an active role too. Link to comment
appies Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 The right thing is just to move on. People understand that break ups make people act strange, but only temporarly. Letting her live her life is the best thing you can do. Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 You could send her an apology letter (without ulterior motives of getting back together) if you think that would help make things right. Otherwise, just have to move on, I know it sucks. Thats why I rang to tell her im sorry..I ended up leaving a voice message Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 After 10 months...you need to stop reaching out. I know......something wrong with me ey Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Thanks for the time and effort to reply....I dont know anyone who has acted like I have...she hasnt been perfect either....I really lost my mind.....I realise I cant fix anything now.....whats done is done....so dissapointing Link to comment
Willywagtail Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Look, if it's any consolation, many, many, many of us act like idiots when our relationships break up. You aren't the first and you won't be the last. I count myself too, amongst the idiots that behaved like an idiot. Please stop blaming yourself. We are all human and we can only do the best we can. Sometimes our best is awful, but that's the best we can do! 10 months is too long to still be beating yourself up about what happened. It's time to be gentle with yourself. What would you say to a dear friend that had behaved like you? You'd be kind to them and soothe them. So be kind to yourself, you're not a bad person, and in the end she (your ex) won't think you're a bad person either. If you can let go of the self flagellation and self blame, then over time you'll let go of your ex as well. Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted April 27, 2015 Author Share Posted April 27, 2015 Wise words....everything you say I agree with.....except she does now think im a bad person been quite upset today....its such wasted energy Link to comment
bulletproof Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Just take the lesson. Next time you feel like lashing out, think before you do it. You said/did some things you regret, but you don't have to behave like that next time. Link to comment
Clinton Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 Wise words....everything you say I agree with.....except she does now think im a bad person been quite upset today....its such wasted energy It really doesn't matter what she thinks, it's over. Be kind to yourself. Understand a lot of us have gone a little crazy after a breakup. But it's time to move on Nothing you say or do at this stage makes any difference to her. All any further contact will do is reinforce in her mind that you're a little nuts and she did the right thing. So accept she's gone for good and work on healing. Link to comment
FirstIn Posted April 27, 2015 Share Posted April 27, 2015 I like to think of these things as necessary. Sometimes we have to beg, we have to make a fool of ourselves, we have to scream and shout. Sometimes I think it's the only way our heart will believe our brain. It's so the brain can say "hey, I tried what you wanted and it didn't do any good". This breakup I mostly kept my composure, apart from the day of. However, in a past relationship I used to call and beg months after it was over. Heck, I'm still tempted to do sometimes after this one. You acted how you felt you needed to at the time. What's done is done, time to stop punishing yourself over your past actions. Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted April 28, 2015 Author Share Posted April 28, 2015 Think im gonna see my councellor again. ...I actually hate who I am... Link to comment
saluk Posted April 28, 2015 Share Posted April 28, 2015 You may have acted - and may continue to act - poorly... but that's not WHO you are. Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted April 29, 2015 Author Share Posted April 29, 2015 You may have acted - and may continue to act - poorly... but that's not WHO you are. I guess its just the dissapointment of having no dignity and knowing her and her friends if they see me they will abuse me. ..and no one will remember rhe good things about me...... as much as I loved her she hurt me numerous times over the three years...it all built up......her friends only hesr one side of the story.....theres always two.....however I was/am still a dichead.... Link to comment
trust101 Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 She won't remember you as a bad person in her life because of how you acted post-breakup. After a considerable time has passed of NC between the two of you, & I am talking about years here; unless you did something major, the bad memories will fade out & she will hopefully remember the good times you shared. Time is like an eraser. Link to comment
saluk Posted April 29, 2015 Share Posted April 29, 2015 Just be sure YOU remember the good times, and YOU know that you are a perfectly decent person under normal circumstances. During an emotional time you cracked a little, but were able to realize your mistakes and stop the behavior. You can't change how others see you - but you can change yourself, and how you see yourself. And that will encourage NEW people to see you in a good light as well. Her and her friends? That bridge is burnt. And so be it. Find a new bridge to cross. Give this some time and don't act rashly, that's what got you here in the first place. Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted April 30, 2015 Author Share Posted April 30, 2015 Thanks again I really appreciate everyone's kind wise and respectful words Link to comment
spazmy Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 it happens. one has to be strong and understand that letting another person live their life is a kind act. Perhaps forgiveness comes from within. One cannot control the circumstances which lead one to act crazy during a breakup. But then one can improve and become more understanding over the longer term. Also, the grief belongs to both of you regardless of the new person in her life. That can only bring temporary relief. Sooner or later she will revert to the good moments, if indeed there were some, between you. That is when she may or may not reach out. But there will certainly be a thaw. Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted May 10, 2015 Author Share Posted May 10, 2015 Firstly I appreciate the avove.....I was thinking today I still think about her/us everyday....last night I was at the cinemas and my mind drifted and I tried to imagine what I look like through her eyes.....she broke my heart many times and to be honest it blows my mind that things ended so badly b/w us...its weird cause it makes me ill the thougjt of another bloke touching her....but I guess whats done is done now......I actually wish sometimes I could have a coffee and a chat with her.....I want ppl to know I never did anyrhing really bad to her or anything I just sent really abusive emails most of the time I was blind drunk and the pain just came out....I dunno life ey Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 For anyone who is remotely interested. ..my ex messaged me I got the chance to sincerely apologize. ..I asked her if she hated me and if she remembered the good times.....she said she didn't hate me and of course she does....I shed a few tears and I said bye....im hurt and upset but at least I got closure ey??? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 How do you feel? Cause I mean in the end, you are still broken up. I hope you weren't secretly hoping to reconcile? Link to comment
pavlo81 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 No she moved on quickly I want nothing to do with her....im spewin I heard from her in a way as it has upset me Link to comment
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