Is it weird if he acts awkward?!

[MStowe]

Hi there,

 

Am hoping for some help here for what is a relatively straightforward problem. I've been dating someone for a month now and while it got off to a rocky start things are going really well.

 

I've started to feel quite vulnerable (a good and bad thing) for the guy I'm dating and we've both said how much we like each other.

 

Sometimes when I run into him, say at the gym, he acts very strange and awkward. This catches me off guard and in turn feeling vulnerable makes me start to question what's going on. He says lovely things over text but sometimes I get the feeling he is disinterested?

 

Is this normal? Should I raise it with him?

[junebug123]

 

Sometimes when I run into him, say at the gym, he acts very strange and awkward.

 

Is this normal? Should I raise it with him?

 

Could be that he isn't ready to take the relationship public or that he is shy in front of people. I wouldn't really raise it with him, because it is early on in the relationship. If you see other signs like he doesn't want to hang out with his friend and family in front of you as well, then there might be some cause for concern.

[MStowe]

Thanks Delacrank. On the one hand he is very forward and says very much how he feels. But on weird occasions things get secretive, like tonight he is going to dinner and advised his phone may be off. And i mentioned that he could stay at mine (I live in the city and he is further out) but he hasn't taken up the offer. Just all a bit strange.

[greta96]

Since it's been only a month, I would think he is still dating around. Just because you two said you liked each other doesn't imply any kind of commitment, if you didn't like each other you wouldn't be hanging out. Also, saying nice stuff over text doesn't mean much either. Watch the actions not the words.

Give him a bit more time, let him figure out who is the one he wants to take things further with.

[MStowe]

Thanks Greta. That makes complete sense, however we had a chat the other night where he indicated he doesn't date more than one person. I want to take this at face value but things seem really strange. Is there a way I can bring this up?

[greta96]

Could you describe a bit what do you mean by 'he gets awkward'? Also, why was the beginning of the relationship 'rocky'? These 2 pieces of info would help shed a little more light on the situation.

Bottom line is that when your gut feeling tells you he might be disinterested, it's usually right, your subconscious is trying to alert you to something being off. At least that's what usually happened to me, if my gut feeling told me a guy wasn't all that interested, it turned out to be true, even though there really weren't red flags or anything wrong I could pinpoint.

[Batya33]

Perhaps he is one of those people who does not like to chat when he work out?

[reinventmyself]

again . .actions need to match the words. Though he expresses verbally his feelings and intentions, he's awkward when you bump into him, having secretive dinners with his phone off and not responding to an invitation.

 

I wouldn't do anything at this point but observe. . See if there are more inconsistencies. I wouldn't get attached to an outcome at this point, it's still early and from what you share, very unclear.

[relevart]

As a dude who has always been nervous, a bit shy and pretty awkward in person, I think this might describe him. Running into someone out of the blue makes me nervous whereas I might feel more in control of the situation if we have met somewhere or I picked that person up and gone somewhere else. Even at my age, 45, I get nervous meeting a group of people at a place even if this has been planned for days or weeks and we all know one another. I went to a friends 40th a few years ago where I only knew him, his GF and two other people out of a relatively small party and I still had to ride around the block a few times to work out some anxiousness.

 

Give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Not everyone are social butterflies.

[Fixee]

MStowe: You identify as male and are dating a guy? Is he out? If not, might he be secretive because he doesn't want to be out yet?

 

I have gay friends who are still very nervous about the stigmata in the US of being gay and therefore prefer to keep their dating lives private.

[Sportster2005]

Thanks Delacrank. On the one hand he is very forward and says very much how he feels. But on weird occasions things get secretive, like tonight he is going to dinner and advised his phone may be off. And i mentioned that he could stay at mine (I live in the city and he is further out) but he hasn't taken up the offer. Just all a bit strange.

 

Doesn't sound strange at all. And it's certainly not secretive to turn your phone off during dinner. It's polite. I think you're looking for trouble where not exists, and even possibly sabotaging this.