Return the Ex's lingerie

[Edmund Exley]

When this will really bite you is when you have moved on, forgot about them and a new girlfriend happens accross them and you spend years trying to explain away how they meant nothing and you didn't mean to keep them.

 

Throw them out. IF, and that's a big IF you get back together. Buy her new stuff.

[ParisPaulette]

Toss the stuff out. Seriously, I mean what else are you going to do with it? Giving it to another woman would just be...icky. Giving it to a used clothing store would just be...icky. Keeping it...would just be flat out icky and nothing says player/man who won't move on like dating some guy and finding a drawer full of his ex's lingerie.

 

If she asks about where that stuff went later feign ignorance. "Well, I packed your clothes and saw lingerie in there, so who knows?"

 

I get your emotions and where you're coming from, but that's the kind of stuff she's just as likely to toss out too. I don't recall ever wearing lingerie some guy had purchased for me for someone else. That would feel wrong to me too, so yeah I vote for tossing it. It's not like it's a laptop or anything sentimental or valuable.

[happy_snapper]

"How do you like this?"

"Wow, you look amazing"

"My ex said that when he gave them to me"

"I'm absolutely fine with that!"

 

... a conversation that will never happen.

[frenchmaid]

I was in a 24 years relationship, I left 3 years ago... all the lingerie that my ex bought me he keep... I'm ok with this... even that I left him and because I was with him for so long I would not be able to wear those for some other men.. It would feel very odd. First he said that he was keeping them I was ok with this ... I did not want them second he ask me If I wanted them I said no... but if I was you and because you don't want to have the feeling in your mind that once you have her she will put them on for an other men I would definitely throw them out... the reason is that you don't want to have a reminder of her it hurt probably and it won't help you to go on with your life....

 

Hope this help

Take care

[sophie274]

I think you should give it to her. I would expect any gifts that my boyfriend gave me to be mine after we broke up. I just don't think you can throw it away like that even if you don't like the idea of her using it in the future. I've bought lots of things I wouldn't want my boyfriend to use with his next girlfriend, but I can't snatch them back whenever I feel like it.

[goddess]

Toss them, ASAP, dude. Don't agonise about them and don't be so melodramatic. If you should get back with her, buy her new ones. Problem solved.

 

I know a breakup hurts but you should make a clean break. Keeping them will only arouse your hurt feelings when you see them, and then you start to feel terrible, then you get depressed. Out of sight and, hopefully, out of mind. Good luck with your decision.

[Lady Amalthea]

I also think you should give them to her. You are definitely NOT going to wear them, and NOT going to use them with anyone else. So why hang on to them? To feel sad every time you see it? To remember the good ole' times? To keep her from using them with someone else? To keep a reminder of whenever you are over it you have the task of throwing them out? I think that it's setting yourself up for an unpleasant moment down the road. Just give them back and forget about them, she will have fun with or without them anyway if that's what she wants. I think it will help you with accepting the relationship is over.

[FirstIn]

I have to say I'm still torn. I won't be holding on to them if I don't give it back.

 

I guess I have been asking because she is the type of person who would not associate an item with an emotion (even lingerie). Lingerie was her kicker for sex. She wouldn't have sex without it. Massive turn on for her. All the sexual encounters she had at least something on. She has already moved on completely (at least mentally). Giving them to her is basically knowing she will use it with the new guy/s.

 

I don't really consider them as gifts I should return. More something I bought for us to enjoy. Yeah, I'm thinking future me (anger phase me) will sleep better knowing they are destroyed. Everyone struggles not to think of their ex having sex with someone else. At least I won't have the visual of it being in my favourite white lace outfit.

 

I think the cold person I meet tonight will remove any pangs of duty to return her sexual triggers.

[chickadeedee]

Hanging onto these things is hanging onto denial.

 

So you can't stand to picture her wearing them with someone else. Well, she's going to get naked with someone else... would you try to lock her up somewhere so that doesn't happen? Doesn't matter what she will be wearing, if she's left you, she can and will be with someone else. I'm sorry. I know that hurts, but this focus on the lingerie is really setting you back because in your head if you can control the lingerie you somehow feel you've got some part of her or some control over her or are preventing your 'precious memories' from being enjoyed by another guy. But neither he nor she will be thinking about you at all when they're together. So you're going to have to accept that and let that go, because the lingerie is really irrelevant to you or your ex and what she is going to do with herself and other men, because she has already taken herself and walked out your door, and eventually she WILL be with other men and i'm sure enjoy them. As will you with other women if you set yourself free and quit clinging to the dead and gone past.

 

Haven't you heard the story of 'Miss Havisham' from the famous novel 'Great Expectations'? She gets jilted at the altar and wanders thru life refusing to take off her wedding dress. Don't be that guy who refuses to let go of an ex's lingerie. It's just creepy and obsessive. You need to free yourself from clinging to denial and the past.

 

If you do get back together, you can always buy her new lingerie to celebrate. But for now, you need to ether just send it to her or burn it or toss it, for your own sake and to get on with your healing. I am always an advocate of taking the high road, and since it was a gift, she really does own it and you should just send it to her (if she even wants it which she may not). But if you're too bitter for that, then get a glass of wine, fire up the barbeque and have a little funeral pyre of lingerie to set yourself free. Having that lingerie around is like having the carcass of a dead animal in the house. It really is just depressing and obsessive and she's just not your girl anymore, so you need to deal with those emotions and accept that she is gone, and her clothes and personal posessions like this should go with her when she goes.

[goddess]

IMO, you already know what to do. Your 3rd paragraph states 'The thought of her wearing them for someone else...". Dude, get rid of them (donate them, whatever). Just go for it. No regrets.

 

If you do that, you won't have to worry about her wearing them for someone else, right? Think about it.

[FirstIn]

She came, she left, they are now in the bin.

[ParisPaulette]

Hey, how are you doing now? It's been nearly a month and good on you for tossing that stuff BTW. I hope you're doing better.

[Stranger0000]

Never buy lingerie for a girl! Thinking about somebody else enjoying something you bought is cruel(another guy). But I can assure she won't wear them again anyways. But still that won't ease your mind, and its understandable, give them back but keep one of hers as a trophy. You can start a collection. Do not use it in any way that can bring back memories (you know what im talking about). It's use would be raise your ego a bit and feel less emotional. Until you are ready to let go.