JackJackxD Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Me and my Ex were together for 2.5 years and broke up 4 months ago. We tried to stay friends but things didn't work out. I asked her for a second chance around 3 months into break up, and she rejected it. She said that we shouldn't talk to each other for a few months for things to calm down first. Since then I've had no contact with her. Today I was talking to a mutual friend, and she told me that there is no hope in reconciliation. Apparently when they went out, my Ex said that she simply cannot be friends with me because she doesn't want to talk to me and doesn't like me. When they talked about a stalker incident that happened to their friend, my Ex immediate asked "Is it Jack?"" and "He is like the strangest/creepiest/weirdest guy I know (can't remember the exact word". Thinking back, today when I saw my Ex she also looked at me really coldly and then quickly turned away. Knowing all these things made me pretty sad. I mean, I didn't treat her badly to the point where I deserve all these hatred. She was the one who broke up with me because I disappointed her over and over again. It was both of our first relationship, and I was very inexperienced. I did things like getting too close to my female friends, complementing other girls in front of her. She also made mistakes too. But did I really do something that bad to the point where she hates my guts? During our relationship I stayed true to her, I genuinely cared about her, and the love was real. So is it just a natural thing that girls all hate their Ex? Is there anyway to reverse that or change their views? I am still in love with that girl, but she seems to have moved on pretty quickly already. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Not all girls hate their ex's. However, when you treat your gf with disrespect by being too close to your female friends and complimenting other girls...you really can't expect her to think highly of you. And in trying to get back with her after 3 months when you disappointed her over and over during the relationship... It shows that you really don't get why she broke up with you. Treating someone with respect is common sense. She doesn't hate you....she just doesn't care to be in your company ever again. Link to comment
relevart Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 It's her hatred. You have no control over how she feels toward you. At the same time, everything she has said to you, to the mutual friend and the way she acts toward you when you see her should be a clear sign that regardless of what you think, the way you treated her and what happened in the relationship was in no way what she wanted. Learn from it so it doesn't keep happening with future relationships. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Not all girls hate their ex's. However, when you treat your gf with disrespect by being too close to your female friends and complimenting other girls...you really can't expect her to think highly of you. And in trying to get back with her after 3 months when you disappointed her over and over during the relationship... It shows that you really don't get why she broke up with you. Treating someone with respect is common sense. She doesn't hate you....she just doesn't care to be in your company ever again. As I said before, It was my first relationship so I didn't exactly know what to do. I didn't disregard her feelings, it was rather that the difference in our boundaries were hard to grasp. An example would be that the last straw for our breakup was because I piggy-backed one of my female friends. At the time I thought it was just a "playing around" gesture and that it would be OK, I also felt assured as the girl that asked me to piggy back her to see how much she weights also had a boyfriend. When it comes to messing around with female friends I do take extra care, as in I would never hug them or let them sit on my lap. I really did respect my girlfriend, its just that sometimes I don't know what is alright and what isn't due to the difference in our culture/personalities. I got that she broke up with me because I disappointed her over and over again, but at the time I've made a lot of changes and was sure that I wouldn't make the same mistakes again. Is there anything at all that I can do to make her change her attitude towards me? Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Jack...the are plenty of women with whom you can have a.fresh and new beginning. She isn't going to give you a second chance. Link to comment
relevart Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 The fact that you used the term "last straw" is telling. I don't know the full back story as well as mhowe does, but it seems there were multiple "straws" throughout the relationship and your ex felt like you broke them all. She is allowed to have her feelings no matter how much you want to disregard them. Treat your future GFs better. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 That really isn't the answer I want to hear, but I think that is reality. At this point I just don't want anyone else apart from her, and no one else shines brighter than her. So do I just continue to act like complete strangers with her until the end of university and then never see her again? Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Yes, that is exactly what you do. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 The fact that you used the term "last straw" is telling. I don't know the full back story as well as mhowe does, but it seems there were multiple "straws" throughout the relationship and your ex felt like you broke them all. She is allowed to have her feelings no matter how much you want to disregard them. Treat your future GFs better. Yes, we had 2 mini break-ups that lasted no longer than 5 days during the first year of our relationship. During the summer in 2013, we broke up because she felt that I was too close to my female friends. What happened was that I lost a bet, and as a punishment the girls in my friendship group had to put make-up on me. My girlfriend got upset and dumped me, but we talked about it together and decided we can work this through. Things went smoothly throughout the year, until during last summer, where she felt that I was too close to my female friends again, and I guess this was the "last straw"? Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Same issue more than once...bad sign. Multiple break ups in first year of dating..bad sign. Link to comment
relevart Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 When you saw her on the way to the lecture and she looked at you like she did -- described coldly in one post, no emotion in another -- if it were me, I would simply nod hello and keep going. I had a relationship end badly. I was still living in my hometown and the girl was away at colleg (uni, to a lot of people here, apparently.) Long story short, we broke up because the LDR didn't work and when she came home for holidays, it was really hard because we worked at the same place, a retail store where we were bound to see each other multiple times on days we workedat the same time. The "acting like strangers" thing didn't work out too well for me, but "avoiding her like a disease" did to the point where I would ask a mutual friend to go through her check out line for me. Years later, she contacted me and said it was hard for her, too. (We broke up because she cheated at college.) So understand this is hard for both of you and both of you will deal with it in different ways. My ex dealt with it by making up lies about me, but that's a different thread. And then I married her cousin! Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Yes. My Ex said that if she knew things would turn out this way, she would've ended everything for good the second time we broke up, because it has caused the both of us so much damage. I was so sure that things would turn out fine, so sure that those were just hiccups along our relationship, but I guess I was wrong. She said that she felt naive for wasting time on someones who didn't know how much their girlfriend meant to them until the moment they lost her forever. It is pretty depressing knowing that there is nothing to be done to un-mess up the whole situation. I started this thread in hope to see some form of reassurance that there is hope in the future for reconciliation, but instead I got hit with reality, which I guess is beneficial to me in the long-run. Link to comment
JackJackxD Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 We have made eye contact in many situations, but I just felt like me nodding at her would not be appreciated seeing that she doesn't want any contact with me. It is just so hard for me to avoid contact because deep down I want her back in my life, and it just slows down my healing seeing how she can easily get on with daily life, laughing with her friends like nothing has happened. From my perspective, she is not having a hard time at all! I think in my case I wouldn't hear anything from her at all, NEVER. After University would be where we separate paths entirely, we are not friends on Facebook anymore, and I doubt we would contact each other. Thinking about it just feels like I am losing her out of my life entirely. It is nice hearing how you and your Ex can talk together about what has happened in the past though. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I have not seen or spoken to my college bf in 25 years. Link to comment
engraved2008 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 I hate my ex because of how poorly he treated me at the end... That's why I don't want to be his friend. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 People move on. They don't want to have a painful breakup, and then to keep the person around in their life. They want to meet someone new. If the ex is hanging on as a buddy, they cannot do it. Why would you want to try to be pals when things were unpleasant with that person? You said you "tried" to be friends and it didn't work - so you should accept that this time. It was your first relationship - value it as that, and take time to heal with that fact. I know its hard to think that you won't see someone or "have them in your life" but it gets easier the more you date. Link to comment
redswim30 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 A lot people when they break up, all of the sudden turn their ex into, " The worst human being to ever walk the face of the planet." Aside from cases of abuse, and granted there are many, this reaction is usually a huge overreaction. If you really once loved that person, even if things ended poorly, I don't personally understand the outright "hate" of them. I understand not wanting to be friends or communicate anymore, but I think some people take it to the extreme. You can't control what she thinks or says. Don't worry about it. Her opinions are just that, opinions, not facts. Right now she is upset, so she has a distorted view. Just ignore her, and carry on with life. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.