Aeropro Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Hey guys! First and foremost I want to thank you all for your help over the last few months. You've all really helped me to open my eyes and be a bit less naive when it comes to dating. I have an interesting situation right now. I spoke with a girl on Match and, long story short, we scheduled on a date for yesterday at 7:30pm. Mind you, we had a winter storm rolling through but she did confirm in the morning that she would meet me at the restaurant. Bit of background, during our email exchanges she would take two, sometimes three days to respond, although via text she would be pretty quick to respond. I was having a hard time gauging her interest level (was she just bored? is she really looking for a relationship? etc) especially because I had just finished briefly dating a girl who behaved somewhat similarly. She ended up canceling the date around 5:00pm due to the weather, but asked if we could reschedule. Being somewhat unsure if I was being flaked on, I responded with a simple and cool, 'Definitely understand. That sounds okay'. I was bummed since I had made reservations and a little aggrevated due to only getting a two hour notice, but alas, what can you do? I wouldn't have wanted her to feel uncomfortable driving in such poor conditions. I reached out today as she gave me the impression that she did in fact cancel for a legitimate reason and still seemed interested and she was pretty open to setting another time and her texts contained lots of exclamation points/smiley faces. I am not covert-ops when it comes to decoding texts, but I understand that is a good sign.We'll see how it goes, but I figured I'd ask you guys for some tips. I think I've played it pretty cool thus far and have made it apparent that my time is valuable. I still haven't met her yet so I don't want to be let-down if we never actually end up meeting and she's just bored or something. Thanks gang. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Reschedule now...with time and place. Don't leave it hanging. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 you mentioned a reservation? you might consider your meet and greets to be a little less formal, such as a coffee date or a drink. when a man suggests dinner and reservations I get a little nervous thinking that he is overly invested and thinking it's a legitimate date. Those who know the ropes and have reasonable expectations of what the odds are meeting a total stranger and the off chance that there is a connection will only arrange casual dates where this is little commitment therefore both parties don't feel any pressure. Link to comment
loveology Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Poor road conditions is a legitimate excuse for rescheduling, in my opinion. I understand why you weren't happy about the short notice, but perhaps she was waiting and trying to figure out what the weather was going to do and what the travel situation was going to be. The fact that she asked to reschedule is a good sign. If I were you I'd send out another specific time/place for a date and see how she responds. Link to comment
Aeropro Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 How's this guys; reschedule for a coffee date/light lunch at Panera (they have gluten-free options and she doesn't eat gluten) for next Sunday? It's light... it's simple... it's a quick meeting during the afternoon. I guess I have been pushing the "dinner at a nice restaurant" thing a bit too much. I never really thought about it until just now. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 perfect!!! Good luck I tend to form an opinion of an online meeting when a guy wants to take me to a formal like dinner. Maybe not fair but I immediately think `over eager' and I feel inclined to back out. . but that's me Link to comment
snf23 Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Completely agree with reinventmyself in that a formal dinner (especially for the first date) tends to freak me out a bit. First meeting should be drinks or coffee, and maybe a more formal date for the second or third. Good luck, keep us updated! Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 How's this guys; reschedule for a coffee date/light lunch at Panera (they have gluten-free options and she doesn't eat gluten) for next Sunday? It's light... it's simple... it's a quick meeting during the afternoon. I guess I have been pushing the "dinner at a nice restaurant" thing a bit too much. I never really thought about it until just now. Perfect choice of venue. The date time is good, unless she's a football fan, and/or her team is still in the playoffs. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 Texts mean absolutely nothing. The test is if she reschedules. Everything else is noise. Link to comment
Aeropro Posted January 11, 2015 Author Share Posted January 11, 2015 Alrighty guys. The date is set for Tuesday night at Panera. I'll keep you all updated; wish me luck! Link to comment
saber32au Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Alrighty guys. The date is set for Tuesday night at Panera. I'll keep you all updated; wish me luck! Goodluck mate! Hope it works out for you! Link to comment
Aeropro Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Update Alrighty, guys. She sent me a text at 2:00pm cancelling again, haha. How should I approach this? Should I try to re-schedule AGAIN or what? I already left it in her court lasttime and gave her an out if she didn't want to have a get together. The snow cancel was understandable, but this time her reasoning was simply that she was out of town. Wouldn't she have known she'd be out of town in advance? Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Yup...especially since she bagged the first one. Pass. Link to comment
Aeropro Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 Yup...especially since she bagged the first one. Pass. How should I respond? I don't want to come off as a schmuck and be like "hmm no worries! How about tomorrow or Sunday??"... I had typed out a light/non-chalant "You're killin' me! Thanks for the heads up." Would you recommend that? Link to comment
Aeropro Posted January 13, 2015 Author Share Posted January 13, 2015 How should I respond? I don't want to come off as a schmuck and be like "hmm no worries! How about tomorrow or Sunday??"... I had typed out a light/non-chalant "You're killin' me! Thanks for the heads up." Would you recommend that? I simply said "Thanks for the heads up. Maybe another time" On to the next. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 Good response. On to the next. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 13, 2015 Share Posted January 13, 2015 I would typically give someone one chance at a slip up but I leave it up to them to make amends. You never know. 2 times or more is a pattern and that pattern is giving you a message. Had she had a legitimate reason for cancelling . . again .. and she was genuinely interested she would have proposed another time to make up for it. She cancelled twice and no reschedule. . Not a good sign. I am concerned that you yourself have a pattern of not being able to discern these things for yourself. I get that that's why your here but you should have a little bit of filter in you that tells you when to pull and when to fold. I am concerned that you would even consider asking her again. Having said that I wonder how much of this over eagerness spills into your interactions with these ladies and what might it take for you to toughen up a little bit in order to take better care of yourself? Link to comment
Aeropro Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Thanks for the feedback. I usually just post here for advice and because I know others have gone through these types of things before. I've been playing it pretty cool with the girl who is the subject of this thread... I just don't think she's either all that interested in me or all that focused on finding a partner. For the most part, my inner intuition has been more or less confirmed by the threads I make on here which is why I post. I definitely do have a filter... and I know when to fold. I definitely won't ask her out again; there's just no point in that. I think my issue is mostly internal and mental. When I'm out with these girls I am myself and I feel great... I've been on four dates in the last few months. Two were interested in me, but I wasn't interested in them, and the other two the opposite. I just don't want to rush things with the wrong person. Link to comment
Slyness Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 No lunch dates. Dates are romantic fun filled evenings that can lead to sex (no exception). If you asking out a lunch date you are doing it wrong. I agree with most of the people here, always reschedule ASAP. SET date, time and venue. Set a casual meetup for drinks or coffee. Have other plans if it goes well. Most women will sleep with you on a 3 date, so make this date last a long time and do multiple places if you fancy her. Good luck. Link to comment
Slyness Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Wait a week to contact this flake. If she contacts you in the meantime time see it as an opportunity to set another date, but don't get your hopes up. This one has very little interest in you. Did you pursue her too much (ie. too many text or calls). If so learn from you past mistakes and become better at dating. You will become better with practice like anything else. Link to comment
Aeropro Posted January 14, 2015 Author Share Posted January 14, 2015 Wait a week to contact this flake. If she contacts you in the meantime time see it as an opportunity to set another date, but don't get your hopes up. This one has very little interest in you. Did you pursue her too much (ie. too many text or calls). If so learn from you past mistakes and become better at dating. You will become better with practice like anything else. The last girl I dated I probably texted too much (and by that I mean I carried along convos via text too much; I was too available). This one, quite honestly, was an enigma. I rarely communicated with her via text unless it was setting up a date. Both times she flaked (I would have given her a pass for the first flake... but since she did it again it is safe to conclude that both were flakes). I'm moving past this one unless she reaches out and reschedules. I've lost interest. Link to comment
saber32au Posted January 14, 2015 Share Posted January 14, 2015 Update Alrighty, guys. She sent me a text at 2:00pm cancelling again, haha. How should I approach this? Should I try to re-schedule AGAIN or what? I already left it in her court lasttime and gave her an out if she didn't want to have a get together. The snow cancel was understandable, but this time her reasoning was simply that she was out of town. Wouldn't she have known she'd be out of town in advance? Sorry to hear that! Did she offer to reschedule the date? This will gauge her interest in you. If yes, I'd give her one last chance. If not, leave her be. Move onto the next girl mate! Link to comment
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