snf23

It's been 6 weeks since I was blindsided and my heart was completely shattered by the one person I truly trusted, the one I thought would love me forever. It has taken every ounce of strength I have to not reach out. I wonder why he hasn't, if he ever will. I miss him more than words could ever say. I'm still so in love with him. It feels like I'm drowning.

I'm over you. I'm so over you, we need another word for over. You were my best friend and I don't think I'm capable of loving someone the way I loved you again, ever. You say that you don't mean to hurt me, that you're always here for me, that I can call at anytime. And yet..you're with her. Why do I feel this way when I know we're over? We stood in the sun and it was lovely, but our time has passed and I've accepted that. Yet you always draw me back, I feel like you're going to keep drawing me back forever. I wish we were still standing in the sun together.

The worst part is how badly I still miss you. It's not all day every day, like it used to be, but I miss you more than I can express. Every single day. I know that it's over, I get that. But I wish you would see something that made you think of me, and reach out. I just need to know that I cross your mind, because I feel so forgotten by you. Meanwhile here I am, a month later, still wishing I could rewind. There's so many thing I wish I could say to you but none of them matter anymore because you're no longer mine. Just know that you have a small piece of my heart but that most of all, I miss you.

It's been two weeks and I still miss you everyday. I want to know how you are, how work has been treating you, if you're happy. But when I pick up my phone, I picture you with someone else and then I can't follow through. Ignorance is bliss I suppose. But I want you in my life, so badly it hurts. I could have loved you and you would have been so lucky. I wish I was strong enough to see you, but when you appear in my memory (more often then I would like), the only thing I feel is weak. Why did I even have to meet you? I was fine before you and now I'm not. I'm not fine at all.

Well, it's been a week. A whole week without seeing your smile, without hearing you laugh, without looking forward to waking up because I knew I would see you. A whole week of falling apart, of crying at the drop of a hat, of missing you. I miss you so much it's like a physical pain. Why does this seem to be getting worse and not better? I wish I could see you, but then I also can't imagine seeing you and not being able to kiss you or hold your hand or tell you how lovely you are. And meanwhile I bet you're out there, living life as usual, going about your day. If I do even cross your mind, I bet you can instantly switch off your feelings like you did with us. I wish I could be angry at you, but I'm not. I'm just sad. And while this sadness consumes me, you're out there being wonderful. I just..miss you.

It's been two days and I miss you every minute. How could two people who have such massive potential not be together? Sometimes I feel like you didn't even try. You say you did, but you have this wall up. I so wanted to be the girl that burst through that wall, that made you say "I'm terrified of commitment but you are worth the fear." I said that to you. You were that guy for me. It feels like I wasn't enough for you. I could have loved you, and it would have been a great love. You made a mistake, a huge mistake, you just don't know it yet. I miss you from my life as a person, I miss how easy it was to be with you, the way you looked at me. It's hard to understand how all those things didn't mean much because you gave up just as things were taking off. You told me you wouldn't hurt me but here I am. You're such a good guy and I'm worried you were the one that got away. I know you won't, but I wish you would come back to me.