Walking corpse

[Rihanna]

Have you ever felt like your heart stopped beating altogether, like you actually know for a fact it has stopped? That there's a heavy rock where your heart should be or that there's a rock on your heart which is stopping it from beating? Have you ever felt like you are not breathing? You cannot breathe cos your chest won't allow any oxygen to go through? Do you ever wonder how has it been possible to stay alive through that feeling but more importantly than how WHY? Do you ever feel like although deep deep inside you you know there's something may be done and though you're not sure about what it is and how to go about it but also you don't care because you just lost passion for life? Do you ever feel like there's only you in the universe though surrounded by lots of people and all you see is shapes and hear noises only when people speak to you? Where do you go to pick yourself up when you have no money no job no friends no privacy no home NOTHING! where do you start from if both your heart and chest won't even allow you more than just enough to keep you barely alive and life has taken every ounce of your energy to keep you from feeling even the slightest happiness, not even a fleeting moment of happiness will it allow you not even a fake one... Where do you go?

[Alittlelost]

You start with day one. Do not worry about day 2. Firstly you take a deep breath and remember that things will get better. You stat with family and lean on anybody you love for support. You tackle one small goal at a time. First things first. What small thing can you improve? Privacy maybe. Who's stopping this? Talk to them. Explain your feeling. Ask for what you need. Or perhaps work. Does your country have any programmes. Benefits for umemployment or offer anything?

 

Just one small thing.

[Willywagtail]

You focus on your breathing. You listen to it and acknowledge that you are, in fact, alive.

 

You touch your arms, your face and your chest. You confirm that, yes, you do exist. You look at yourself in the mirror, you see that there is someone looking back at you. You confirm that it seems to be you.

 

You start one hour at a time. Focus on noticing that you're alive. Focus on making a cup of coffee and what's involved. Focus on how it tastes in your mouth and how it makes you feel. Focus on having a shower. How the water feels on your body, how the towel feel as you are drying yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror again.

 

Go out into the open. Feel the wind, the sun, the rain - whatever is happening at the moment. Notice the noise and the people.

 

You don't need to see them, but you do need to see yourself. You are here and you exist.

 

I don't know what you mean by no job, no friends, no privacy, no home? But if you are destitute then there are services that can help you. Charitable services - or government services. If you can reach out for assistance, then people will help.

 

Please reach out to someone.

[Rihanna]

Thank you but NO... no I can't do anything! it's hard when you can't breathe... but more than 'can't' when you don't "Want" to do anything because it's hard when you don't "Want" to breathe...

[kbbcoop77]

Might want to look into getting some xanax for the short term. Exercise and lean on friends and family. It gets better just one day at a time

[Tootch85]

I have been there hun.in fact I'm still there but I'm not going to allow the actions of someone else to determine my life or prevent me from living.

The first few days I couldn't do anything, like you I really didn't want to but it was Christmas and I didn't really have much choice about interacting with family.

You know you don't want to feel that way and it's hard to see a way forward but trust me get this stage out of your system to the point where you at least get up, showered, dressed and you're on the right track.

I reached out in every direction I could, friends, family here. I would say I have no friends but the truth is I have more than I realised and having just one person be there and tell me it was going to be alright really helped.

I'm still struggling, I can't imagine not feeling like I have a gaping hole in my chest but I want to get past this, I want to take time for myself and move on. I got to the want to stage by forcing myself to do the little routine things that keep you going. You do want help that's why you've reached out, take it, not because you want to but because you need to

[amipushy]

Sounds to me like you are suffering from 'Depersonalisation" and "Derealisation" which is brought on by high levels of stress and anxiety.

 

Good news is that it can be cured. Start looking at your symptoms with interest instead of being afraid of them.

 

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[Capricorn3]

Thank you but NO... no I can't do anything! it's hard when you can't breathe... but more than 'can't' when you don't "Want" to do anything because it's hard when you don't "Want" to breathe...

Have you looked into professional counseling/therapy? Sounds like you have some suicidal thoughts? This definitely sounds like something only a professional can deal with and I think you need it. Please get help.

[Rihanna]

I have no friends and the one I thought I had looks down on my and NOBODY gives a sh*T!!!! People think I'm very attractive and I act friendly but behind this mask is a fountain of tears. I fake a smile just one everyday in hope it becomes a habit but behind that smile a fountain of tears that when i smile I actually remember how much pain I'm in - irony! I do need therapy but I'll feel sicker than now because I'll be acting like there's something wrong and I've been there with not much help. There's no meaning in my life. It feels like the clock is ticking and my days are rolling but that's it!

 

tootch- I'm sorry you feel this way how I would hate for anyone to even know of the pain I'm in let alone feel it themselves. I will try get therapy when I start school again. I will try to get out and work. I will try all the things I'm supposed to once I know how to breathe and let oxygen run through my chest and as soon as I hear a first beat in my heart that I'm able to live again ...

[Dcgent]

I think you need to stop thinking too deeply into the thought of breathing. You are obviously breathing. If you feel such a weight on your body, then get up and move. Focusing on this fear of not breathing is taking away from your focus of doing some in life that makes you feel alive. Stop making excuses and start making things happen. Change your attitude. Change your outlook. Embrace change, or the weight of the world will easily bulldoze over you and swept away.