He had no reason to give up?

[JGintheOC]

A bit ago there was a friend that more likely was interested in me. He was cute but I was at a place where I was distracted (see other posts) and really didn't think too much about him or anything beyond what my current distractions and obligations were.

 

I knew he was interested because of the little things he would do. But at some point he stopped doing those things. I wish I appreciated his gestures more and wasnt so distracted but I think he gave up. Not only did he give up, it looks as if he's trying not to bother me.

 

When in fact, he has never been bothersome and his little gestures were cute. I know if I talk to him about it he probably wouldn't fess up. But is there something action wise that would convince him that there was no reason to give up in the first place?

 

Or is it at a point that men have where once they give up, no amount of flirting or attention will get them going again?

[mhowe]

His actions were unappreciated... so he stopped.

 

I think it would be kind of odd to tell him..."even though I never said thank you or showed any.appreciation for your attention...feel free to continue it".

[ApocalypseDreams]

If my actions were unappreciated, I'd take it as a hint that I should probably move on and find someone else.

[tattoobunnie]

Call him up, tell you it's been a while, and ask him to dinner.

 

You are friends afterall.

 

And at dinner, flirt with him outrageously, and be sure to touch him arm, flip your hair, and listen with a head tilt.

 

But if you didn't appreciate his gestures to begin with, are you only attracted to him now, because he acts like you can't have him so easily anymore?

[Dybbuk]

@JGintheOC: Are you asking this because now you are interested in him? Or just that you miss the attention?

 

Basically, the guy got wise that you weren't receptive to his advances and has decided to back off so he can move on and find someone who is receptive. He's not going to start down that road again of giving someone time and attention when they do not fully appreciate it nor intend to give it back.

 

If you're asking this question now because you're not so distracted, and really are interested in giving him your time, then you need to fess up and tell him that you are genuinely interested in him. Maybe you didn't realize it until he removed himself. However, truly think about the motivations for you doing so. If you just miss getting the attention from someone and having them admire you (which is a nice feeling, I get it), but really don't feel it for him then let him go. It's cruel to flip flop back and forth on someone and deny them the chance to meet someone else who will really give them what they need. Be a good person and don't toy with someone's emotions. Can't stress that enough!

 

Best of luck!

[Batya33]

Do not put him on the spot about what he did in the past. Since you chose not to respond to his showing interest, that ship has sailed. Now it's up to you to try to start over. The way I would do that is by asking him to dinner just like someone else suggested but please don't bring up how he acted in the past -that might make him feel uncomfortable.

[offplanet]

He might have changed his mind by now, which seems to happen in these situations a lot.

[Tanzi]

He did have a reason to give up. He was trying to win your affections but it didn't work. I expect he got bored of trying.

 

The fact that you are missing his attention now that you are no longer the object of his desire indicates that, should he start paying you attention again, you will likely stop caring about it once again.

[catfeeder]

If this is the birthday cake incident guy, you need to stop nibbling around his edges. Ask him out and when appropriate, tell him how you feel about him and what you what you want from him. Otherwise chalk it up to playing dosey-doe for far too long--and he's done with that.

[JGintheOC]

Call him up, tell you it's been a while, and ask him to dinner.

 

You are friends afterall.

 

And at dinner, flirt with him outrageously, and be sure to touch him arm, flip your hair, and listen with a head tilt.

 

But if you didn't appreciate his gestures to begin with, are you only attracted to him now, because he acts like you can't have him so easily anymore?

 

It isn't that i wasn't interested before, when I'm distracted or dealing with other things and focused I don't notice anything else. If I had noticed from the get go then it would may have been a different store. I can't go back and time and test that theory.

[JGintheOC]

He's a nice guy, very sweet and etc. I guess I feel bad because it was more bad timing with me not being aware of what he was doing was his subtle signs and not just him being him. It's just annoying because I keep missing opportunities.\

 

THis happened about 3-4 years ago. I had a crush on a friend and I went through that cycle of knowing he was interested, then convicing myself he wasn't. I eventually moved on when I completely convinced myself he wasn't interested. It asn't until he moved away did i find out he had been interested all along.

 

I'm tired of missing out on opportunities in dating people I like because I don't notice or I convince myself they aren't interested mutually.

[Batya33]

He's a nice guy, very sweet and etc. I guess I feel bad because it was more bad timing with me not being aware of what he was doing was his subtle signs and not just him being him. It's just annoying because I keep missing opportunities.\

 

THis happened about 3-4 years ago. I had a crush on a friend and I went through that cycle of knowing he was interested, then convicing myself he wasn't. I eventually moved on when I completely convinced myself he wasn't interested. It asn't until he moved away did i find out he had been interested all along.

 

I'm tired of missing out on opportunities in dating people I like because I don't notice or I convince myself they aren't interested mutually.

But now you know you have control over it so you can make different choices. Get to the root of what benefits you get from rejecting people or not reciprocating interest in any way - maybe it's safer to take that route- you can't get hurt that way. I promise you it's worth it to take the plunge - I'm living proof.

[pachucoknight]

He sounded like me years ago. I was in the same situation and walked away knowing it would never work..at the time my inexperience and lack of knowing real affection colored my choice to discontinued it. Did he have any relationships before you? Was he always awkward? There are days I wish I gotten the wisdom at that moment and not years later.