Shinobie Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Ok lately i have been really happy.But one thing that still plagues my mind and always has been for a long time like ive said on here is girls.I wish i can get it out of my mind but it just wont get go away lol!I was just wondering if any of u guys can stop thinking about this subject or does it always plague ur mind?Everywhere i go thats all i think about.The only way i can stop thinking about it is if i sit down and play games thats the only time.Whenever im at work thats what im thinking about,at school,at a friens house.Also involving jealousy whenever i see all the girls liking my best friend and they never like me or anything.Its something i want to get off my mind and not care about.I was wondering do any of u suffer from the same problem? Link to comment
HajiMaji Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Haha, world of warcraft huh? Thats cool, me and my boys are playing that as well Man, i use to think about girls a lot. I didnt get real jealous or anything, but i definitely had this signal going off in my brain that was telling me to get into a relationship. A few years ago i got that a lot, but now im chill about it, and you can be too. Heres David's 10 step plan. 1. Try to focus on personal goals. I read this book, "The art of loving" during my time when i really wanted a relationship. It inspired me to grow into my personality more, and wouldnt ya know it once i became a bigger brighter version of myself more girls became attracted to me. Thats key and i think its a good goal to keep after you are in a relationship. Im gonna keep expanding my personality foreverrr man! 2. Its normal to think about girls all the time. Every friend of mine has gone through a stage where he constantly had females on his mind. That just means ya want that closeness and affection..., or sex. For me its mainly the closeness, so what i found was if i could express my love to my friends more i felt a little more satisfied. It doesnt replace the beautiful intimate love between 2 people, but it does fill your heart a good amount 3. This is the worst advice i have for you. Just dont think about them! I think playing games is cool to chill out and relax or whatever, but dont take it to an extreme. Try in your everday life when you are just sitting around try not to focus on women so much. Try focusing on something else, and this is where your personality development will come in. I am a very social person and i love to talk to people, so once i started excersing my personality by talking and joking with more people i really felt good on my soul. Its like if you harness your own energy in doing what your soul really wants, you wont have to look outside for it as much. Im tellin ya man, its the way to go. Well.. I talk toooo much. I dont know exactly what you are thinking about when you think of girls, but im assuming its more then just sexual desire. Link to comment
br0ken Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Hey HajiMaji i liked where this was going , how about the next 7 steps? Great advice... Link to comment
MarkUK Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 At 17 it is perfectly normal. As you'll get older, thing like: paying bills; money woes; family problems; and biological clocks(!) etc, all start plaguing your mind instead! So enjoy this while you can If you are worried that it has become an obession, then you need to develop more things to do, ie playing games. Ironically, if you develop mixed sex interests, the chances are that you'll soon stop thinking about girls all the time, even though you'll probably know more girls than you did before. If you are really lucky, then you'll met one girl, who will stop you thinking about other girls...........she'll just plague your mind for 24-hours a day, but in a pleasant way. Like I said, don't worry; it's normal at 17. Link to comment
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Well, I'm 31, and girls/getting a girlfriend has plagued my mind everyday from the time my girlfriend transfered to another school in 1st grade until this very writing. So that's from September 1981 - January 2005! It's all I can think about today so you are not alone. People give me the same advice HajiMaji gave you (#2) which is go for your goals - career, self awareness, hobbies, junk like that and then things will happen. But if they are not happening and I want it to happen, how the hell can I stop thinking about it??? But that might be just me, it may work for you I don't know. Nothing has happened for me in 24 years, so what makes me think year #25 will be any better. I have goals, but what do I think about everyday as I go for my goals? Girls. So my advice to you is to get a girlfriend. Simple as that. You're only 17, so you've got time. But don't act like you've got time. Do you really want to be like me? I've had your problem longer than your existence, with 7 years to spare. It's the worse feeling in the world next to losing a loved one. My advice may not be good, but it solves the problem. From your picture I see nothing wrong. From your posts, I can tell you're a fab guy to be with. So what's wrong? Is there something holding you back? Or are you like me, just thinking about getting a girlfriend and not doing something about it? That could be your highest hurdle. Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 I say quit worrying about women. Easier said than done. I am trying to destroy this mindset at least for a little while but some force drwas me to them. I keep getting hurt and destroyed. But oh well. Nothing but trouble for me and certain doom for alot of guys like me. It only takes a few incidents to kill your mindset. I cannot be saved for I have been emotionally bombarded with junk after junk of things they throw at me so now it is time to think of the things that REALLY matter. My career, school, finances, and family. Girls at this time do not deserve to be put on such a high pedestal if the majority of them are out to permanently obliterate your mental stability and anilhilate your chances of ever being happy. And the worst part is, most of the pain doesn't even have to be intentional. Link to comment
shuntaro603 Posted January 10, 2005 Share Posted January 10, 2005 Occationally I feel that way, too. I hate it. *sigh* Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 I used to feel like you guys all last semester about not having a girlfriend, etc. But last semester was also the first semester where I actually started talking to girls. And eventually I got my first kiss and well ... some other bad stuff, I won't get into that. LOL. However, I'm not saying to go out there and just meet random girls everywhere you go. You'll end up feeling disappointed because you tried so hard and you would not find the right person. You would get nothing because you were desperate for it. It's a huge turn-off for a lot of people and I can really understand that now. After a while I realized that I don't need to depend on another person to be happy. No one should have to. I'm planning on joining the tennis club in the spring and possibly another club to keep myself busy with some fun hobbies. I've continued to work out at least three times a week (you feel very good after you do it). I've made a few new friends here as well and trying to meet more people in general. In essense, the busier you are and the more things that you have going on in your life (by that I mean hobbies, friends, etc.), the less you will be thinking about women. But of course you will still be thinking about women a lot, but not obsessively. HajiMaji's advice is excellent. I should follow some of his advice as well. Link to comment
Shinobie Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 I think im a lil obsessed with it.Because it is like on my mind all fricken day long and i cant get it off my mind.So iono lol. Link to comment
ShySoul Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Your not alone, plenty of guys are a little obsessed when it comes to girls. It's perfectly fine to think about girls alot so long as you have other interests. It's true, if you get involved in other things it will take your mind off of them. You'll also stand a better chance of meeting that one special girl. As hard as it may be, just think of other things. Focus on yourself and things that interest you. Thinking about girls and wanting a girlfriend may be a part of life, but it's not all there is in life. That part will come when it's time, right now think about everything else. Link to comment
HajiMaji Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Im feelin what shy soul is saying. I also had this idea. If you think of a girl or think about wanting to be in a relationship use it as a cue to place your mental energy somewhere else till the feeling passes. Dont beat yourself up with it. I remember there was a time, ok this is embarrassing, i would pretend this imaginary girl would be around. Oh geez.. Anyway it felt good though, like i did a lot of things with these imaginary women and honestly it helped me understand more about me and my wants. With that said, gollum from lord of the rings would sit around and pretend he had the one ring. He would imagine touching and talking to the ring even though it wasnt there. Hes definitely crazy, so i guess its a fine line. Well, i guess my point was - besides letting out a really embarrasing story - try to balance yourself. Be active enough where if you try hard enough you can focus your mind elsewhere. Dont kill yourself trying to block them out though, cause growing through life takes time. Just feel more confident in yourself and who you are. To be honest i think thats the root of it all. Link to comment
Ceema-k Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 HajiMaji... dude! I tried doing that before..but unlike you I didn't have the guts to go through with it, pretending do do things with my imaginary friends. I started feeling all self-conscious about it very quickly! Anyway, you've piqued my curiosity on that book you read. I will try looking it up! Link to comment
Shinobie Posted January 11, 2005 Author Share Posted January 11, 2005 Maybe i should try that imaginary thing lol.Im going no where with girls and have never gone anywhere with girls.I just keep aging and i wonder how long will it be until i get a gf.Hopefulyl i dont become a guy who hasnt had a gf his whole life and is 30.that would suck so much i couldnt believe how i would feel then.Ill try to keep positive though as hard as i can. Link to comment
Caldus Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 I just keep aging and i wonder how long will it be until i get a gf.Hopefulyl i dont become a guy who hasnt had a gf his whole life and is 30.that would suck so much i couldnt believe how i would feel then. Shinobie, listen to yourself. You're 17. Several guys your age have not had a girlfriend yet. Chill OK? Your time will come. Right now I'm not really thinking about the whole relationship thing very much because to be honest I'm fine being single. The problem with me is that I'm too picky and never actually have strong feelings for any girls that I date. I've been working on not being so picky lately though. I think that if you're worrying about not getting a girlfriend then you need to work on making your own life more fun. You will soon realize that it's not about when you get your first girlfriend, but about making your own life interesting. World of Warcraft is not enough! However, I heard Halo 2 could do the trick. Only kidding there. Nothing wrong with some gaming (I do it sometimes with my buddies as well), but you need to find more hobbies than that. Even something like working on your car or building computers isn't that bad either. But it would be great to find a sport to enjoy. I find that every time I go out and exercise I always feel much happier than before. Most people do. That's about all I can offer to you Shinobie. Let it sink in first and then work from there. Link to comment
HajiMaji Posted January 11, 2005 Share Posted January 11, 2005 Erich Fromm is the author of the art of loving. That book helped me grow a lot. I definitely suggest checking it out Yeah, and listen to what caldus said. Its normal to not have a girlfriend at any age really. He who is of little faith is of little love... Have faith and the love comes like an avalanche im telling you. Maybe not in terms of a romantic partner at first, but lemme tell you, that is always soon too follow. (Soon according to the universe, not soon according to you ) Link to comment
scaryperson Posted January 12, 2005 Share Posted January 12, 2005 Maybe i should try that imaginary thing lol.Im going no where with girls and have never gone anywhere with girls.I just keep aging and i wonder how long will it be until i get a gf.Hopefulyl i dont become a guy who hasnt had a gf his whole life and is 30.that would suck so much i couldnt believe how i would feel then.Ill try to keep positive though as hard as i can. I'm 17 aswell, i haven't had a boyfriend, shinobie don't worry, i know some guys even older than me who haven't had girlfriends Link to comment
Coreynwtx Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 i might be young but i feel your pain man i think all guys have the same problem sooner or later my problem stoped when i finally found the one girl if you keep looking eventually you will find someone and it very well might be that you already found the one girl to stop all the other girls from ccoming into your head but you just dont know it but what do i know im only 14 Link to comment
traz Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 I definitely feel what you're saying. I'm 17, and I've never had a girlfriend. I'm the kind of person who develops strong feelings for ppl easily...I don't bounce from crush to crush. So at times, such as in the present, I find myself having feelings for someone for an extended amount of time...and usually I do nothing about it, except for becoming good friends and talking alot. I haven't been able to take the next step and ask someone out yet. I always doubt that the person would reciprocate the feelings...which is probably my main problem. But it leads to me constantly wondering about the feelings of the girls around me, and whether I'll ever have enough courage to ask one of them out, and then what it would be like after that point. Girls or a particular girl, is a subject that is always on my mind as well. Link to comment
CrazyKing Posted January 14, 2005 Share Posted January 14, 2005 LOL, I started my "find a girlfriend" obsession when I was 16, that was the time when I started seeing my classmates with their girlfriends/boyfriends... Now I'm 19 and still searching... But just a few months ago I realized that you don't have to try establishing a long-term relationship, just go and hang out with the girls, even if she won't become your partner, you'll still have the best kind of friend you can get... Link to comment
1strdko Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Your young and you will only learn how relationships work over time. Just learn to love yourself, enjoy life, smile, respect women, and balance yourself mentaly and physically. You will find your love in the most unexpected place. (NOT IN A CLUB!) GOOD LUCK! Link to comment
Outlaw2747 Posted February 1, 2005 Share Posted February 1, 2005 Yea man. Club girls are very lousy. I hate the party type and the drinking type. I get very bad vibes from them. And Traz, when I was in high school, that is EXACTLY how I felt and dealt with my issues. You and I were in the EXACT same situation. Link to comment
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