rainbows Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 This may sound really stupid, but I am so so obsessed with the idea that I am ugly that I simply cannot - just CANNOT - function anymore. I am very short and really thin. I am born like this - genetically very petite. I have tired to take medicines, eat lots of high calorie foods- it is effecting my health now. But I still look the same. A part of me knows that it makes no sense. I have still always had guys asking me out and my friends always compliment me on how I look. But in my mind there is a kind of a block - and I just cannot see straight or feel happy about life or anything at all. some days I dont want to leave home because I feel ugly. I take so so long to get dressed and still feel miserable. I am never happy and just wish I was invisible so nobody could see me and then I wouldn't have to worry about my looks. a few months back i was having suicidal thoughts because of this reason. Also when I see any woman who is taller than me or not thin, (which is all the time, because I am so short and too thin) I get horribly jealous. Often it upsets me so much I start crying. if I see a girl who is very very pretty, I will be upset about it for hours, or even days. I cannot enjoy movies because the actresses are so pretty, I compare myself and hate myself even more. i am obsessed with this though and I just cannot put it behind me and concentrate on anything else. anybody here who has faced similar issues? Amy advice? Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 You need to see a therapist before this gets any worse. Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 omg i really don't have the courage to see a therapist. and c'mon, do i really sound that bad?! Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Yes....you do sound that bad. And it is affecting all parts of your life. The only way to change your self perception is with the aid of a professional. Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 you know...the way you say it so seriously.. is kinda getting me really tensed now..I am fed up of my problem but i never thought of it as a REAL problem, just a 'stupid' problem. i will surely think about what you said. Maybe I do need help. thanks a lot Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Therapy or counseling would help you tremendously to put things in perspective, to learn how not to go into self-defeating behaviors and to not let this spiral out of control. And yes, you do sound that bad. You aren't alone, both men and women and children too, suffer from body image problems at one point or another in their lives. It's just that when it takes over your life with obsessive thinking or you alter your behavior--i.e. can't go to movies and enjoy them, because you're focused on how you don't look like someone who spent hours in the chair with an army of people and lighting to make them look the way they do--it's time to admit you need some help moving past that. At some point you have to learn to be comfortable in your own skin and just enjoy the time and the body you have. And there's no shame in needing a bit of help sometimes to get there. The fact that you are aware of the problem is a plus in your favor, you still have time to turn it around and you should. Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 parispaulette Lol! so one more person thinks i need therapy. This sounds a lot more serious now. Thank you so much for your taking time out to reply. Really really appreciate will check online for phone numbers of therapists in my city. I don't know if I can go through with it, but baby steps maybe.... Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 There is something called Body Dismorphic Disorder. I think you should google it. And yes, therapy sounds like it would be a good idea. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Therapy isn't for the crazy or weak, you know. But it is an unhealthy preoccupation, not just your standard "None of my pants fit today! I feel gross" kind of day, and then going about your business. It actually is standing in the way of you enjoying movies, simply getting up and out the door, the feelings linger on you for days to the point where you feel suicidal tendencies. That's serious business, my dear. Not a 'silly' problem. Your life quality is suffering immensely because of these feelings, and you deserve more than that. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Even start by seeing if there are self-help books on the subject will be a start. Maybe there are support groups in your area? Like you said baby steps if need be, but consider this something you need to do like going to the dentist or getting your car brakes replaced. Yeah, it's a hassle, but aren't you tired of walking around holding a distorted image of yourself up? No one can live up to that kind of pressure, no one. It's why you see those scary older women who've had way too much plastic surgery in their desperation to hold off aging. Plus you know you are a pretty girl or people wouldn't tell you so, so it's time to take the steps you need to enjoy that. And yeah, I had body issues in high school and my 20s too. Difference is whenever I got a compliment I'd just be happy about it and not really think anything. At times I even looked in the reflection and realized I was pretty, so for me it a mixed grab bag of self-confidence and body issues. And I had a counselor as a teenager who was amazing who helped me sort through a ton of things including that. Her exact words, "You need to be comfortable in your own skin, because it's the skin you have and it's only one you'll get. Be yourself, everyone else is taken." And yes, they were cliches, but comforting cliches nonetheless. Also find something to do that has nothing to do with your looks, an accomplishment you can call all your own and be proud of. Are you athletic? Join sports. Are you creative? Take classes or just get busy creating. Build a life for yourself that isn't tied to how you do or don't look at all. It will do wonders for your overall self-esteem and confidence and over time you'll appreciate yourself more and more. It's hard to feel ugly when sweat is pouring off you and everyone is telling you that you did an amazing job/accomplishment or even just when you can tell yourself, "I did it! I didn't think I could do it, but I did it. Victory dance!" Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Hi agent yea i read about it on wiki once long long time back. I could connect with the stuff mentioned there. thanks for bringing it up. Thanks for replying to my post Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Cheetarah I really appreciate you saying that this isn't 'silly' problem. Weird.. I am almost crying now! But yea... I always do this to myself...consider my issues unworthy. Thanks a lot for writing on my thread and helping. *hugs* Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 ParisPaulette I am sorry to know that you had gone through something like this yourself. You are right, i need something to boost my self esteem. I am very much into creative things and art. And I love my work (which is related to art). I should put more focus on that. BTW, i just wrote an email to a therapist in my city. I have written about my problem, and that I feel nervous about seeking help, but I would like an appointment anyway. It feels so so weird right now, but I just want to get over this metal block! Thank you once again. You have no idea how much you have helped me today! May god bless you Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Even start by seeing if there are self-help books on the subject will be a start. I agree. If you cannot see a therapist, start off by helping yourself with books and information on line. You should work towards making yourself feel better about your looks since it sounds like you cannot do too much to change. Wear higher heals perhaps? The part about being seriously jealous of other women is concerning. It's frightening that they actually make you cry, and something you may have to go to a therapist to resolve. Everybody feels bad about how they look every now and then, but actually being jealous of others is a major issue. Do you ever want to do bad things to good looking people? Or is it something you just internalize? Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 sadchick83 No no.. omg.. i would never want to do anything bad to anyone. I just feel really really bad about myself when I get jealous. I want to harm myself. Never ever harm anyone else. and then I also feel guilty and stupid about being jealous. I really hate it when women go against each other out of jealousy. so there is guilt and shame and stuff like that. I have just written to a therapist, asking for an appointment. She replied that she wants me to call her. I have asked her for a convenient time to call. thanks to all the wonderful people here! thanks to you too for replying! enotalone is such an incredible place Link to comment
sadchick83 Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 sadchick83 No no.. omg.. i would never want to do anything bad to anyone. I just feel really really bad about myself when I get jealous. I want to harm myself. Never ever harm anyone else. and then I also feel guilty and stupid about being jealous. I really hate it when women go against each other out of jealousy. so there is guilt and shame and stuff like that. I have just written to a therapist, asking for an appointment. She replied that she wants me to call her. I have asked her for a convenient time to call. thanks to all the wonderful people here! thanks to you too for replying! enotalone is such an incredible place Good to hear! Rainbows, Im not sure of your age, but being jealous is something that will fade as you mature as well. If you focus on your talents--which Im sure you have many you will not care so much about other people's looks. As you get older you will also figure out that people, especially in movies and magazines don't always look that way in real life. Im sure there are many "attractive" women out there who reach middle age and wish they spent more time on their careers than in front of the mirror wasting money on botox and face lifts. Investing in yourself intellectually will pay dividends forever. Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 19, 2014 Author Share Posted October 19, 2014 Oh yes I am totally aware of that. I have been involved in the glamour industry myself. Can you imagine, I would get angry with my own self when I would see how I look much better in the professional makeup, lighting and camera? I would be like... "why the hell cant I look like that all the time?!" Thanks & *hugs* Link to comment
newlifedaily Posted October 19, 2014 Share Posted October 19, 2014 Cheetarah I really appreciate you saying that this isn't 'silly' problem. Weird.. I am almost crying now! But yea... I always do this to myself...consider my issues unworthy. Thanks a lot for writing on my thread and helping. *hugs* I just want to reiterate to you that this is not a silly problem. Also, I want to reiterate therapy is not for the weak. It is not for "crazy" people. It is for people who are trying to feel better about themselves, their lives etc. And that takes a STRONG person. It is a beautiful thing and you should begin going right away. Don't ever feel ashamed about trying to help yourself. I too felt too thin for a long time. Guess what? I am still considered a little too thin for my height. But this is me, and I love me now. Do not force yourself to gain weight by eating bad. Eat healthy and eat until you are full. Don't do damage to your body sweetie. I use to make myself try to gain weight as well. It never happened lol. I am 32 years old now and still thin, let me tell you, I love me. It is more important to be a healthy you. I got teased my whole life for being thin. Certain things are an unfortunate part of life. You will heal and you will feel good about yourself. Take that step and make an appointment good luck. Link to comment
trust101 Posted October 20, 2014 Share Posted October 20, 2014 How tall are you exactly? Being a woman, height doesn't matter unless you prefer tall men. There are a lot of men that desire the petite frame. But if a man is quite short then it is a problem. Here is a handy, eccentric tip I will share with you when I had severe acne during my teens & was a bit overweight as well. I perused through medical textbooks, particularly dermatology, & felt a bit grateful after looking at patients with horrible skin conditions & disfigurements & was too distracted wondering how the subjects in the book were coping with there daily lives. Psoriasis, sehorrec exzema, etc. Now, I just stopped caring. No skin regimens, no comparing to others. My face is cleared up & I love talking about fitness & nutrition. You don't need therapy. It's just a phase. I wasn't as excessive as you but just learn to stop worrying by being grateful for what you do have, & not what you want. Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 trust101 I am 5 feet. In my country, girls are usually 5'2-5'3 .... like on an average. I like nice men, tall or short really doesnt matter to me I am sorry you had to go through the acne problem in your teens. I try to look at others who are shorter or thinner to feel better about myself, but i usually end up finding some aspect of their looks or the other that will make me feel bad about myself. I think I will go for the therapy though. I have made an appointment too, so I should be going next week. Thanks a lot for replying ad sharing your story Link to comment
rainbows Posted October 20, 2014 Author Share Posted October 20, 2014 newlifedaily Yea i just fixed an appointment for next week. I really hope i dont get nervous and change my mind eventually. i am sorry to know that you got teased because of your weight. I never got teased, though yea, a few people have commented on my weight. I am glad you are done with that phase and are doing better now. I hope I get there someday soon myself Thanks for sharing and for the help Link to comment
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