Perfect Life Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Im hoping to be able to explain this correctly. I've been having a lot of confusing thoughts. Here's the deal... Three weeks ago today, my Ex broke up with me. This was a flawless relationship and we really were a perfect match. It was really serious. I have two kids from a previous relationship. My ex was relocated by his job accross the country. We kept the relationship going and he even funded lawyers and an expensive custody evaluation (over $30k) for the kids and me to try to move to where he is. Courts denied the move. I quit my job to get things situated for the move and the courts decision was a shock when we heard it was denied. A month after the court decision, he decided that he couldn't do the long distance thing anymore, we are about 2700 miles away. He said the children and I deserve a "full time" man in our lives and he couldn't do that for us. So I was devastated. In a really dark and scary place for two weeks, cant find work, crying for hours on end. I was on the verge of losing my mind without him. I lost 16 lbs in 12 days. Finally at the start of last week, I decided that I need to get myself together. I decided that I would concentrate on repairing my heart and focus on the kids. I felt much better almost instantly once I made a commitment to move forward without him. I still get sad but I feel I have let him go because I had to. Okay so here is the dilemma. I loved this man hard and I know he loved us a lot too. So I logged on to a dating website and although I haven't made a connection, I feel I might be ready to start meeting people. Not to start a relationship but to start getting out and maybe slowly start dating. I'm not sure if this is my way of dealing with all this or if I am ready to get on with my life. Maybe I just need attention. Maybe I need companionship. IDK. My ex and I were together over 1½ year, made plans to marry, talked about kids and growing old, retiring. Everything. But I feel like a relationship that serious should require more time to forget. What do you think? Am I ready to date/ meet new people? Should I get out there to help move forward or take a bit longer to grieve my loss? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 I don't know why people can't seem to be alone. I think you are months away from even considering dating. Enjoy your life and your kids. Don't worry about men yet. Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 You still sounds very hurt & broken. This is not a good time to think about dating again. Give yourself another 3-4 months at least. Get mentally & emotionally stable so you don't rebound. Those aren't good at all! Take care of YOU for a while. You cannot 'depend' on someone else to make you 'happy', so don't do it this way. Link to comment
CraigHowes Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 If you have to think about it then no your not ready at all. Happiness comes within and you have to be happy with yourself and process the breakup and grieve it. You can't take all your baggage into a new relationship, you have to lose some of that baggage first and there's no timescale to that happening. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 You are trying to fill a void of intimacy. Try finding a job, focusing energy on your kids. Do something with your time, other than believing you are missing out on companionship. And first of all, the guy is a DUD (sorry). You need someone who would have never left in the first place, regardless if his job requested him to do so. Your kids (his future step-kids) should have been his family as well, and he would have fought for them too. Take a few months vacay from catering or worrying about some other dude's needs, and get yourself together! Link to comment
Tanzi Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 Three weeks ago today, my Ex broke up with me. This was a flawless relationship and we really were a perfect match. It was really serious. ....... So I was devastated. In a really dark and scary place for two weeks, cant find work, crying for hours on end. I was on the verge of losing my mind without him. I lost 16 lbs in 12 days. Finally at the start of last week, I decided that I need to get myself together. ...... I loved this man hard and I know he loved us a lot too. ....... My ex and I were together over 1½ year, made plans to marry, talked about kids and growing old, retiring. Everything. ...... What do you think? Am I ready to date/ meet new people? NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! I'm absolutely gobsmacked you even need to ask!!! Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 ""What do you think? Am I ready to date/ meet new people? Should I get out there to help move forward or take a bit longer to grieve my loss? "" I felt much better almost instantly once I made a commitment to move forward without him."" Great example of letting your emotions fool you into believing you are some somehow ready to date. You may very well be having a good day but if you ride this out, tomorrow can very well be another story. I am thinking that even checking out the dating site has somehow lulled you into thinking your ready but what you're really doing is masking the pain. Sit in the emotions until they pass. I promise you if you go into dating from a better place you will make far better choices than you will now. Right now you are just looking for someone to fill the void. Look at this time as a gift. .the gift of becoming whole and healthy and put all that energy into your kids and getting your life in order. Only then should you consider dating. . Link to comment
Perfect Life Posted October 13, 2014 Author Share Posted October 13, 2014 Thank you all. I appreciate all the comments. I do think I'm trying to fill a void. I feel empty and sad. I'm not ready. I couldn't give myself to anyone right now even if I tired. I have been endlessly looking for a job. I look online every day. Days that I don't have my kids and they're with their dad are the hardest. I went out and to the gym today. That helped me tremendously. So I will continue with it. I knew what I was doing to myself. But I didn't think it was a problem as long as I was feeling better. But truth is that I'm not feeling better. I still have sad moments. And I will for a while. I thought I was fast forwarding and it was working, but I'm not. I'm ignoring the pain temporarily. So to not mask the real issue I will grieve out Until in 100% ready. I deserve that, my kids deserve it and any future partner will too. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted October 13, 2014 Share Posted October 13, 2014 ((hugs)) to you. . though it may not feel like it, you are on course. Link to comment
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