Grandpa Passed - 1st Death in Family. How to Cope?

[Raistlin]

I'm signing back into eNA in the first time in *checks profile* over a year. I'm writing because I'm at wit's end, and I'm not sure how to cope anymore.

 

 

My grandfather passed away earlier this afternoon. I'm only able to write this because the weight hasn't fully settled in.

 

He's been in the hospital and rehab for over a month. We knew he had some level of Alzheimer's - but not the extent of it. He had initially been admitted because he urinated blood. After several levels of testing, we found out that he had a measure of Kidney failure, Prostate cancer, Bone cancer, and severe brain degeneration from the Alzheimer's. After roughly 4 weeks in the hospital, he was moved to rehab, as they said that he would be able to recover slightly and walk again, but never beat the cancer. Within 4 days, he had full renal failure. Another 4 days later (today), he passed.

 

Let me state now that I am 27 years old. Mentally, I feel like I'm about 5; I want to run, hide, scream, cry, kick, punch, and cover my eyes and ears until I can pretend hard enough that my grandpa is still here.

 

These feelings are so overwhelming and conflicting that I had begun the mourning process as soon as I found out he had been read his last rights. It got so bad that I snapped at a coworker so harshly yesterday that I was sent home for "mental readjustment", and I'm fairly certain that I just cost myself the promotion I had been gunning for.

 

As this is the first time I've gone through this as an adult, I've realized that I'm still in shock - I haven't begun to cry or really absorb the reality of the situation. But, I know that it will come crashing down soon enough. To prepare myself, I've turned to you, fellow eNA'ers, for advice.

 

If anyone can relate to my situation, I'm begging you for any advice at all - how to cope, how to become stronger, how to recover my mental stability, how to seek emotional release (and selfishly, how to rebuild my image at work and give the appearance of having overcome this hurdle on a stronger note).

[ChiBrunette]

My advice: Talk to him.

 

My Nonno and I were VERY close from the time I was little. When he passed, I swore a piece of me went with him. So yes, I grieved - but I never truly let go either. I still talk to him when things bother me... when I need advice I'll look up at my ceiling and jokingly say, "Nonno, feel free to intervene and redirect me as needed"

 

His body may be gone, but his soul isn't. We all mourn in different ways, and so if you're quirky like me... talk to him. I can't tell you how much that helped me, and continues to help me.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you, and I'm sorry for your loss of your Grandfather.

 

Check your company's internal web or ask HR whether your company offers an Employee Assistance Program (EPA). If so, this is a network of mental and social professionals where you can either have them pick a counselor for you in your area, or you can pick one through their listings and have them set you an appointment.

 

Most of these offer 3 free sessions per incident.

 

After hurricane Irene I needed some help and used their web listings to find a counselor who was also a part of my regular insurance network in case I liked this counselor and wanted to continue working with her after the 3 sessions.

 

Turned out I only needed 2 of the sessions, but it was a big help for me to bounce my confusion and concerns off of someone trained to help people manage major stressors that are foreign to us.

 

In your case, telling your HR person about the death and reaching for the EPA may help you regain your chances of the promotion. Everybody hits a rough patch, and letting work know that your circumstances were extreme, but you're seeking assistance to manage the stress could work in your favor given that you can't change the incident.

 

Another thing that helped me after my Dad's death was to consider him 'with me' now in ways he couldn't be while in his body, and I committed to live in a way that will make him proud.

 

Head high.

[chitown9]

So sorry for your loss. There is a book that I recommend to you. The name of the book is "Tear Soup." You can purchase it on Amazon. Some days will be better than others for you. It is so tough. Do reach out to any resources that are available to you through your work.

 

Your grandfather will not suffer anymore. Hold that thought....chi