Side Dude

[Getouttahere]

Ok I've been with this lady for going on 6 years. When we meant we were both in bad marriages we connected started dating and ended up moving in together. We both got our divorces like a couple weeks apart but after the divorces were final she went running back to her ex but in the process she decide she still wanted to see me. Some kinda way I ended up being her side dude. My life is to complicated to be trying to date or meet somebody right now so although I'm not completely satisfied with the situation for the moment I have become comfortable with the situation with one exception. She wants her cake and eat it to she want me to behave like a side dude but she still wants me to do things that I would do as if we were still a couple. I'm not feel that. How do I tell I ain't doing that with out messing up my sex life.

[Longview01]

So you want advice on how to cheat with this woman behind her (ex) husbands back?

 

Yeah...good luck with that.

 

How about getting some self respect and finding someone who is single?

[Lito]

>How do I tell I ain't doing that with out messing up my sex life.

whaaa???

 

how about

 

1. you tell her I ain't doing that

2. you find someone else, preferably single, to get sex in your life...

 

(sorry i can't help the sarcasm here..)

[Lester]

So I can understand; you cheated on your wife with a married woman, chose to move in with her, the thrill quickly died once your victims washed their hands of you, she looked at you, got scared, and ran back to the last person she knew she could trust.

 

Is that what happened?

[Liraele]

Ok, setting morals aside for a moment, since everyone has that pretty well covered...

 

You either suck it up and be the side dude, give her what she wants and keep getting what you want, or you tell her no and deal with the consequences.

 

If all you want is sex, hop on a dating site for hookups. There is sex to be had without all the hangups you have in this situation.

[Getouttahere]

Well Liraele you sound less angry than everyone else 1st I can't do the online dating I got on a couple of those sites when things first went sideways and no I get tons of porn and hooker ads feel like they all scams. Buy our situation is more complexed than what's in my post (like children etc.). I just had to simplify it so to not have write an autobiography to tell the story but I have no delusions of things returning to how they once were and I'm contend with the rule of the side dude I just feel that all finances need to be handle by the main dude if y'all money ain't right that's between you two that's all I'm saying. Is that wrong? I don't mind taking you out treating you good but if your funds get funny talk to the dude you live with.

[Stay_home]

But you are a "side dude" and that's the role a side dude. You only serve that particular purpose. In football talk you are not the starter, you're a second string quarter back. If you're tired of being a second string quarter back, find a new team to play on.

[Getouttahere]

I guess my question is, is the side dude suppose to contribute financially or is that all the main dudes responsibility

[Longview01]

So there's children involved as well?

[jjkk]

I guess my question is, is the side dude suppose to contribute financially or is that all the main dudes responsibility

 

contribute financially in what way? I guess it depends on the situation. If you have children together then yes the side dude needs to help out financially. If it's something like a shared debt from when you were together then side dude ought to pay his share and then be done w/ it. I guess it really depends on the couple beyond these types of circumstances. If I was the side lady there's no way I'd be helping out financially in any way. Some people may be OK to give some money and help out a bit.

[lavenderdove]

So let's see, this woman cheats on her husband with you, gets you to get a divorce, lives with you for a while, then goes running back to her husband. And now she expects you go to be her side piece and give her money even though she's gone back to her husband?

 

You need to raise your standards to obtain a better quality of woman than this one. She's jerking multiple men around and bleeding them both dry. Please don't be a chump and fall for this.

[Ms Darcy]

I guess my question is, is the side dude suppose to contribute financially or is that all the main dudes responsibility

 

There isn't supposed to be a side dude at all unless all parties agree to polyamory.

[Ms Darcy]

You need to raise your standards to obtain a better quality of woman than this one.

 

I think his quality level matches hers. They both cheated and left their partners.

[Lito]

>Ok, setting morals aside for a moment, since everyone has that pretty well covered...

 

Just to be clear, it's his utterly pragmatic, unsentimental wording ('messing up my sex life') that totally rubbed me the wrong way, not the moral issue.

 

[Liraele]

Well Liraele you sound less angry than everyone else 1st I can't do the online dating I got on a couple of those sites when things first went sideways and no I get tons of porn and hooker ads feel like they all scams. Buy our situation is more complexed than what's in my post (like children etc.). I just had to simplify it so to not have write an autobiography to tell the story but I have no delusions of things returning to how they once were and I'm contend with the rule of the side dude I just feel that all finances need to be handle by the main dude if y'all money ain't right that's between you two that's all I'm saying. Is that wrong? I don't mind taking you out treating you good but if your funds get funny talk to the dude you live with.

 

Seriously, wouldn't it be so much easier to find a girl that's not attached and just wants a hookup, not a sugar daddy, not a side piece... etc?

[Lester]

The Op starts with nothing, creates more nothing, loses nothing and then posts in "Relationship Conflicts" to ask if he should be a side-nothing.

 

Am I missing something???

There nothing to be conflicted about!