Will I be a bad guy if I just cut this girl off and run fast?

[cingularity83]

Okay so here's some back story a bit for some context.

 

I started talking to a girl online about 3 years ago who lived about roughly 2 hours away from the city I live. Needless to say through out the 3 years we have been in and out of contact. Anyway I told her that this year for sure we were going to try to find time to see each other. There's also something I have noticed about her in that she always bends and twists the truth to suit whatever kind of reality it is she lives in. A couple of the times we had broken contact for a long time I noticed that when we started talking again she always found a way to put the blame on me even if that wasn't necessarily true. It got so bad to where I have become wiser now and actually take pictures of our texts so that next time she tries to blame me for things I can have proof evidence of what was actually said by whom so she can't make things up to suit her reality.

 

Anyway I am going off a tangent here. About a 2 months ago I was actually able to make the drive down to see her and we met each other for the first time after 3 years. Everything went well and it was a great night and we had a lot of fun going out dancing with some of her friends to the club around where they live. She even wanted me to stay the night but I had work the next day in the morning so I left around like 3am and made it home at like 5am. All I did was give her a kiss before I left so that she knows I have some interest in her and find her attractive.

 

A couple of days later I had the day off and I offered to come see her but she never really gave me a concrete answer. In fact I noticed that she was mostly replying my texts with one or two word answers. Towards the end she let me know she was quitting her job and starting a new one in a couple weeks. After that we lost contact again as I'm not the kind of person that will waste time chasing someone I feel isn't respecting my time or doesn't appear to be interested.

 

Anyway about 5 weeks passes and I get a text from her out the blue with an image of an emoticon. I didn't feel like texting back and forth and figured talking will be faster and easier and things can be said clearly. She calls me and we talk and she apologizes for disappearing saying how she had a lot going on with a guy friend of hers that was talking about committing suicide and all her attention has been on him, classes also started back up for her and now she's working 2-3 jobs. Anyway I try to be an understanding person even when my BS detector can sense what she is trying to do. Anyway the Sunday before Labor day Monday that just passed I had said to her that I could come see her on Sunday after I get off work and can stay overnight until Monday. She replies back that she's working at 2 until like midnight sunday. I said okay that's fine maybe another day then perhaps.

 

So I noticed she's been texting me about how she misses me and is lonely and what not and I told her I have tried on 2 different occasions since the day we have met to come see her and it seems like it's always one thing or another. Of course just like her and how she always does she conveniently forgets and I had to refresh her memory about that too.

 

Anyway tonight I get a text from her and this is how the conversation follows word for word.

 

HER - baby!!!! where are you?

 

ME - Hey there sweetie, how are you doing and how was your day? I'm over here, just got home from work

 

HER - I'm lonely and frisky, I need some loving, I miss you dammit, I'm tired of sleeping alone

 

ME - awwww, having one of nights huh? I certainly miss you too cutie, when are you going to be able to find some time and visit me?

 

HER - when school breaks...

 

ME - OH yeah I forgot you're taking classes

 

HER - sorry

 

ME - For what? You didn't do anything wrong. not your fault. you just have to be better at letting me know what days you have off so that if my schedule allows I can come down and see you. I'm not one that likes to be too clingy or smother people but it'll be nice to have you do that so that I feel like wow, she wants to see me and I can put effort into making things happen. When you say things like you miss me and you're lonely but then not giving me options for when I can come see you then there's not really much I can do

 

HER - OK I'm sorry

 

ME - I'm not saying it because I want you to apologize or because I'm saying you're doing anything wrong... I'm just providing some suggestions haha. You saying sorry makes it sound like you did something very bad. You're probably just not aware that's all and I'm bringing it to your attention.

 

HER - Thank you

 

ME - you're welcome

 

 

So I'm asking did I do anything wrong? I've always noticed that she has a very volatile attitude and she can easily lose her cool. Seems like that's the case here as well when all I'm doing is trying to tell her that she has to do a better job at letting me know when I can come see her, because to me it just seems like she's playing games here and she wonders why she keeps having bad luck with guys and having relationships that don't work out. I'm about ready to pull the plug here because sometimes when you deal with looney and crazy people they start to pull you into their world and you start to lose your mental balance as well. It seems like I should just run away as fast as I can from this girl.

 

I'm not one that shies away from my actions being criticized.... did I do anything wrong here?

[esc]

Does she text you at weird hours in the middle of the night? My guess, she's drunk texting you and not remembering what's she's saying. Been there, it's sucks. She might be sending short simple messages to hide that she's inebriated. Complete lack of emotional intelligence reading her text reply to you. Either way she's not into the relationship enough to give you the commitment to even let you know what days she's free to see you. Move on man, there's 1000's of other women within 30 min of you. Not a bad guy move at all.

[jjkk]

No I really don't think you did anything wrong. AND no, you're not a bad guy if you cut her off and run. It's not going anywhere and from your experience she's a bit flaky so best to let her go.

[catfeeder]

Follow your gut. In school we learned that bailing on flakes had social consequences because we needed to share classes and social circles with them. Once we're adults we're liberated from those bonds, and we can steer clear of trouble when we recognize it.

 

You're not obligated to babysit a flake.

[cingularity83]

Does she text you at weird hours in the middle of the night? My guess, she's drunk texting you and not remembering what's she's saying. Been there, it's sucks. She might be sending short simple messages to hide that she's inebriated. Complete lack of emotional intelligence reading her text reply to you. Either way she's not into the relationship enough to give you the commitment to even let you know what days she's free to see you. Move on man, there's 1000's of other women within 30 min of you. Not a bad guy move at all.

 

hmmmm...... although I failed to mention it in my text you are very insightful indeed because she does drink a lot actually and maybe you are right. It could be that she just doesn't remember things because she's drunk but that would require some HEAVY drinking on her part. She also smokes too and I don't even drink or smoke at all. The more I think about it I don't know what in the world made me think we would match well in the first place. I guess I just always try to give things a chance rather than feel like I'm giving up easily on people.

[sadum]

I do not tihnk you did anythng wrong but women are sensitive she might have not expected that you would tell her that truth.

[Jehst1987]

You seem really level headed.

 

You haven't done anything wrong. You've just spoken your mind. She's flaky and not interested enough at the moment to commit. She appears with a text/call when she is feeling lonely and horny. She wants the attention that you provide her. She knows you like her and she's feeding off that. I experienced a girl just like this recently. I was in a little deeper.

 

I wouldn't waste your time with this one. She sounds quite entitled, a little out of touch with reality and as you say, the danger is that she manipulates the situation so you start to question whether you're the 'crazy' one. I know exactly how that feels.

 

I suggest just moving on mate. You're in a position where you're not that into her at the moment that you can move on easily. I would do that before you get in deeper and it's harder to move forward. You're not in the wrong to silently walk away. It's going nowhere and girls like this can be 'toxic' for peps like us. ha.

 

Move onto the next mate!

[lavenderdove]

This is a girl you've only met once/very rarely in person. And a relationship never really got off the ground at all due to distance and other reasons.

 

You owe her nothing! And frankly this is a lot of drama for not even really seeing each other much at all. There are some people who like to have online lovers on tap to text and call when they're lonely or bored, but it's not a real relationship at all, strictly a fantasy and they probably prefer the fantasy to reality because it is less demanding. She might well have other guys she dates in person in her local area, but enjoys the fantasy relationship you have online with her.

 

So if you want a real in person relationship, look for someone local and write this girl off. She's too far away and seems to prefer the fantasy to actually seeing you in person.

[MikNomis]

She's just leading you on man. You talk big, but crumble when she calls you baby and flirts, though she flakes on you at will. So she pretty much knows she has you anytime she wants.

[t1lersm0m1]

I'm a girl, and if I acted like she did, I really hope the guy would bail on me.

[mhowe]

You would be a fool NOT to!!

[cingularity83]

The overwhelming consensus on all the replies so far has pretty much helped to confirm what I believed to be the proper course of action to take.

 

I know I don't owe her anything at this point but I'm thinking would me just going silent and ignoring her from here on out be considered rude or should I at least inform her with a text or maybe even a phone call that I don't see how things are going to workout between us. It's not anyone's fault per say but perhaps things just weren't meant to be. That way a couple of weeks or months from now she's not drawing me back into the cycle again.

[cingularity83]

I do not tihnk you did anythng wrong but women are sensitive she might have not expected that you would tell her that truth.

 

Perhaps she's not used to people telling her the truth but I'd rather speak up and let her know the way she's acting isn't cool and if the situation is reversed and I was doing that to her I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate it and would probably stop talking to me as well.

[cingularity83]

Your analysis is spot on. Sometimes it takes hearing it from someone outside looking in for it to register in your mind. Thank you

[lavenderdove]

>>should I at least inform her with a text or maybe even a phone call that I don't see how things are going to workout between us.

 

I think it is fine to send her an email or text and explain that this is not working out because of the distance and difficulty in scheduling time together, so it is best to just let it go and move on. Tell her it is best for both of you if you just let go and move on, and being friends just doesn't work for you, so you wish her well and won't be staying in contact.

 

So then you've let her know, and you immediately block her on your phone and social media so she can't harass you and try to talk you back into it again. You've been polite and let her know what is going on, but you don't need to talk to her on the phone and give her a vehicle for churning up a lot of drama. Send the polite notification that you're out, and then cut her off. She'll find some other online guy before you know it to fill the gap if you're not there and willing to engage with her.

[eskimobobseal]

Man, I hate it when I read a thread then all the replies steal everything I wanted to say!! ;p. Seriously though, its obvious this girl is a flake and not at all interested in keeping up with the relationship. I'd let her go, nicely, and make sure not to get sucked back in by her groveling or desperate attempts to get you back (which will happen, maybe).

[esc]

Yeah, I smelled it. So she's drunk texting/dialing you. She's also doing to it to other guys, guaranteed. Walk man. Yes I'd recommend telling her, not nice, blunt and straight to the point. I'm 99% certain she'll chase and try to latch on to you when you leave. So be prepared for the drama to unfold. You need to understand that you're a "stand in" to her fantasy. She doesn't want "you" she wants someone to control with her perception of herself ego/beauty/intelligence. However her insecurity and most likely dependency/addiction is what keeps her from opening up and being emotionally honest with you. After you tell her you're out, because of the entire laundry list of reasons, block her number and don't turn back. You've got a good heart, this will be a lesson to her that she can't treat good guys like this. Some one else deserves to be treated the way you're ready to give to woman. Go find her.

 

Best of luck.