Me jealous, him friendly/flirty?

[Questions11]

Hi,

 

I have been with my boyfriend for 1.5 years. We're in our late 20's, live together and are serious. I am jealous, he is friendly, but something happened tonight that doesn't let me sleep.

 

We went out for a meal with his friends, and I think he flirted a little with one of them - stared into her eyes (as in eyes locked) for about 2 seconds while smiling.

 

And no, we're not in a kind of relationship where flirting would be okay, we both agree on that.

 

She's the type of person who looks at guys in a cute way - chin downwards, eyes upwards. And he did tell me that he used to think she was cute when he met her (before me) but later (he doesn't remember when was this later, he said a week, or hours, and he said minutes today) figured out she wasn't the type of person for him.

 

It was her who initiated the gaze - in a cute looking upwards (chin down) and smiling way. Something funny did happen beforehand but - I am saying there was no reason to lock eyes. She wasn't saying anything, it wasn't their joke. It happened for 2 secs once while everyone was laughing, but no one else gazing into each other's eyes lovingly. I would be very embarrassed staring at someone who stares at me like that.

 

It did happen a few times throughout the night. It was subtle. If you smile and gaze into someone's eyes while everyone's laughing no one notices it.

 

But I am saying if person A jokes about person B, you don't gaze into person's C eyes lovingly. You do smile, laugh, look at everyone a little.

 

Now, no one can know why my boyfriend stared back lovingly into a person's eyes who they find cute, but my boyfriend.

Maybe he just didn't want to be rude by looking away, maybe he likes her smile and the way she looks, maybe he likes giving her attention.

Of course, he doesn't remember staring into her eyes at all. At all. No recollection.

 

 

I definitely noticed he glanced towards her - I would say in an appreciating her beauty kind of way. I definitely think this girl likes the attention.

And it just ****ing sucks.

 

 

Can he really not tell in what kind of way is she looking at him?

 

How do you talk to someone about something they don't remember?

[jjkk]

I think you're reading too much into this. I look at people when we laugh about something. Thinking back I know there have been times when there's a funny part in a movie or someone tells a joke or funny story and I've made eye contact w/ someone while we were laughing. I think it's a normal thing people do. Maybe you read too much into the way he looked at her or maybe the place she was sitting made it easy for him to find her eyes while laughing. He may truly not remember as this is something people do unconsciously all the time.

[shellyf62]

So this look only happened for 2 seconds ? That is a very short amount of time. If they were staring into each others eyes & wanting it to mean something it would have been for way longer than that.

 

I think it was just a group of friends having a nice night out together.

[SpottiOtti]

You're chasing phantoms here, OP. What makes you so insecure in this relationship?

[catfeeder]

If you don't reach for some help with your jealousy, you won't make it down the aisle with this guy--or possibly any other guy.

 

Nobody in their right mind would put up with someone who'd accuse him of 'looking at' a girl. Either you trust BF, or you don't. If not, what are you doing with him?

[1a1a]

Yep, this is way off the deep end of unreasonable expectations of your partner. Emphatically recommend you speak to a pro about your insecurity and jealousy.

[Mari]

I've done this too but it actually doesn't mean that much to me. If it's like 10 seconds and we're just staring at each other's faces then yeah that might be a problem.