When you just don't want to hang out with someone

[panther]

I am a person who has trouble saying no, fearing to get other's people feelings hurt.

 

On the building I work, there are two institutes. There is a guy from the other institute that I met in December at the joint Christmas party of both institutes and I sometimes bump into him at the cafeteria or when I go outside smoking. We chat a little (and this is no flirt or anything like that because I have a boyfriend which he knows) and he asked me more than once if we can meet for a coffee or something like that. I have always said so far that I am busy this or that Weekend but at some point I can't escape with such excuses anymore. There is nothing wrong with the guy, the thing is I just chat with him due to courtesy, I feel bored around him. There is nothing, there is no connection, the conversation doesn't flow, I have no interest.

I ended up accepting meeting him but I am so not in the mood and I don't know how to deal with these situations and how to decline his invitations for good, forever.

Or should I just make the effort and go out and hope he never asks again?

[luminousone]

Do you get the sense that he is interested in you as more than a friend??

 

Make it about your bf and your relationship- any time he asks, simply say that you and your bf have plans for then. If he pushes further, then say you don't feel comfortable with carrying your friendship further since you have a bf.

 

You can cancel your plans- by saying the above or by saying that your bf is uncomfortable with you hanging out with another man.

[BentGattling]

I'm a believer in drawing my boundaries. Can't hang with someone out of guilt, pity...time is precious...if you go meet him you are giving him hope. Other people's problems are not your responsibility.

[panther]

Do you get the sense that he is interested in you as more than a friend??

 

I have never felt he had any interest other than just friendship, no, not at all.

It's just a battle right now between being selfish or kind. I mean, it won't hurt me to spend a couple of hours with the guy and then "need to go now because I have this other thing later".

Well saying my BF is uncomfortable with that would give me a guilt feeling also because he would never ever do something like that and it wouldn't be right if he did it anyway. But I guess I can live with that guilt feeling.

 

Thanks for the answer. And to you as well BentGattling.

[SpottiOtti]

See, I disagree. I think it will do you harm to spend a couple hours with someone you have no desire to spend time with, because life is too short to waste on boring people.

 

Also, in my experience the only reason a guy typically wants to spend time with a girl is because he's interested in her. Some guys don't mind if you are taken; they will patiently wait in the wings for a chance to sleep with you if at all possible. Even the nicest ones. It's just how they are programmed. You might not think he is interested in you romantically, but you might be wrong about that. So, if you do go to coffee with him, bring up your boyfriend frequently and make it abundantly clear that you think he hung the moon. (Would your boyfriend be okay with you having coffee with another dude he doesn't know, btw? Mine wouldn't.)

[panther]

(Would your boyfriend be okay with you having coffee with another dude he doesn't know, btw? Mine wouldn't.)

 

No, he has no problem with that.

I never felt there could be some more desire than just to chat from his side. But yeah, I can't read his mind, so I could be wrong.

Well, the BF excuse that luminousone suggested will be my excuse. I hate this, but here it goes...