Managing lust during a period of separation

[whitwhit]

I haven't seen my boyfriend in weeks, and we haven't had sex since his early July. We both went on trips (him for work, me for pleasure), and have had big deadlines during the month of August. He had a huge test this past Thursday and couldn't risk getting distracted... Now I can't see him until September because he also has a temporary job until then that will take loads of time.

 

I miss him terribly, we have been dating for a year and are wonderful together... At the moment however, I am also SUPER SUPER horny.

 

I fantasize about other people when I masterbate now, and 2 weeks ago I found myself wanting to make-out with another person when I went out with my friends (note; I haven't ACTUALLY done this at all. I just felt the desire to while I was drunk).

 

Being that I am totally invested in him emotionally, I am disturbed by this desire within me. It makes me feel guilty, disappointed in myself and makes me wonder how effing mature I actually am. Like I am failing at being a good girlfriend/person.

 

I love him, but am I really such a fickle and hedonistic person that 2 months apart, I start to fantasize about cheating? I don't even want to feel like this. I want to be all in with him. He is so amazing.

 

He is good for me, why am I risking a potential screw up by thinking things like this?

 

Is it normal to feel such lust? Or is my subconscious telling me I want to be single.

[Edmund Exley]

Your desire and fantasies are normal. Your not acting on it is commendable.

[Jehst1987]

Sounds like he's got himself a pretty good girlfriend! It's normal. Don't worry about it. You're not acting on it.

[lostandhurt]

You will be okay and you aren't a terrible person. Being horny screws with your brain (now you know why guys act like idiots) but it isn't fatal.

 

Try having phone sex with him while you both rub one out. You do need to MAKE time to be together though. This is important stuff here so treat it as such. Intimacy is important to a relationship.

 

Next time you see him drag him into the nearest private spot and jump him!

 

Lost

[whitwhit]

I hate phone sex. But thank you for the advice.

[misssmithviii]

Now that you know you're getting these urges when you're drunk and in public, I would say it's only a risk if you continue to do so. If you really want to stay in a healthy relationship with your boyfriend - keep the drinking to a minimum, to a manageable buzz if that. Trust me, this is how I operate as well. I know that I can get all loosey goosey when I'm absolutely inebriated so I don't unless I'm with him.

 

Imagining other things while masturbating is normal, and probably healthy even. I never would've said it years ago but I think there's a healthy level of fantasizing. I think it curtails the urge to act on it and further helps us appreciate the beauty in our partner.

 

Sometimes I think of Chris Hemsworth or Henry Cavill... then I look at my boyfriend and go, wow you're ten billion times hotter to me >

 

Don't be so hard on yourself love, I think you're doing a great job. Just keep the drinking to a minimum, and keep your eye on the prize for September.

[whitwhit]

I know that I can get all loosey goosey when I'm absolutely inebriated so I don't unless I'm with him.

 

Yeah, that is usually my MO too (being wild and free when I am feeling drunk in public)... but my BF doesn't really like to drink (he was born without the enzyme to process it). He has come out with me in the past, both drinking light and not drinking. But I hate being drunker than him. Just a pet peeve. So we usually do non-bar stuff.

 

And I really do like to drink. I don't usually get plastered- left those days behind me at 22. But every couple months, I have a night of moderate drinking. Usually out somewhere. I live in Japan, you either drink and go hard here (usually with coworkers), or you are sober for life. Moderates like me are an anomaly.

 

Honestly though, I'm usually free of the desire to be flirty and make out with people. This isn't what my normal has been for the past year.

 

 

My needs for emotional and physical intimacy are just not being met because he is busy. It sucks and its lonely.

 

Also in addition to hating phone sex, I really hate putting computers into my sex life (skyping and videos and all that). Super turn off. Reminds me too much of porn, which is also a turn off for me (but I think its fine for other people to use).

[SooSad33]

" I haven't ACTUALLY done this at all. I just felt the desire to while I was drunk"

- Right. And when you're sober?

 

IF you love your BF enough, you will NOT do this to your relationship. We are ALL responsible for our own control.

 

"Is it normal to feel such lust? Or is my subconscious telling me I want to be single."

- I don't think it's normal to feel this 'lust'. Mind over matter.

- It's telling you you will be single, IF you go ahead & act on this.

[weathergirl]

I haven't seen my boyfriend in weeks, and we haven't had sex since his early July.

 

Are you guys long distance? If not, what's up with that? I realize you're busy, but you can't squeeze one night a week or every two weeks to see each other? And no sex for almost two months? Maybe it's me, but I find that extremely odd...and quite suspect actually.