I am going to brag!

[butterflyburn]

Destroyed when you do take the time heal plenty of sober sensible women will be waiting for you on the other side. Numbing pain does not work. You pay for it one way or another

 

 

A luta continua

[Cherry009]

Perhaps she found you controlling telling her what to do (telling her to go to sleep) like you were quite controlling to your ex.

[Destroyed 33]

Victoria, I will apologize to you. I was being kind of a wise ass earlier and I dont have anything against females. My comment about them all being crazy was insensitive and I was just joking around in a careless manor. It is a little frustrating. I am just a little discouraged and stumped. I was very sweet, respectful and upfront with this girl. We seemed to be connecting and on the same page and then she seriously bugged out. I did not insult her, I did not pressure her to do anything (quite the opposite) and then quite randomly she just kicked me to the curb. Its all quite silly really but I am intrigued and almost fascinated by the situation. I liked her!

 

After we got of the phone yesterday evening she texted me and said "I can tell that something is bothering you and if there is, you can talk to me about it". I said something along the lines of "Everything is fine, I am just a little lonely" and then she said something sweet about how she likes me a lot and good night... After that I went to bed and woke up to an email that said "Just leave me a lone".

 

I dont know if there are some lines I should be reading in between but something dont quite add up, lol.

[Brotherhood67]

Well you can't possibly miss this new girl or anything about her because in regard of your last BU and emotional catastrophe, she is "meaningless". And that's also the problem with you, even if she maybe has some issues of her own. You probably made her feel meaningless in some way - a bandaid, once soaked, needs to be replaced (no those "waterproof" bandaids don't work

 

Seriously, how would you react if you met a girl who spoke constantly about her ex and about how she doesn't care about him anymore, doesn't want to be with him etc. ? Yep, you would maybe tell yourself that she is still confused and not dating material. Too much bagagge. And she probably did the same with you.

 

Being honest is one thing, speaking of someone else you loved for 16 years and who dumped you to someone who maybe has an interest in you is another thing. And also an awful way to begin any kind of relationship.

 

Like someone said before, the opposite of love is indifference. And from what I read here, you clearly are not indifferent. But don't blame yourself for that ! 2.5 months vs 16 years are nothing. Nothing.

[Destroyed 33]

Perhaps she found you controlling telling her what to do (telling her to go to sleep) like you were quite controlling to your ex.

 

First of all, I told this new girl all about my control and "trust" issues from many many years ago. I do not have control issues. Years and years ago I was slightly insensitive to my ex who, as it turns out is the most untrustworthy person I have ever met. I am a lot different than I was 6 or 7 years ago but I do wear my heart on my sleeve.

 

As far as this "go to bed" thing is concerned. I have absolutely no idea what she is talking about. I had a long day yesterday and while on the phone, she kept insisting that I was tired and that I wanted to go to sleep but just wasnt telling her. I told her that if she wants me to let her go and is busy that its fine but that I was also willing to stay up and talk for a while if she wanted. It was really stupid but I definitely didnt push her to go to bed. Why the hell would I do that?

 

I dont know. Its all a bunch of nonsense but you should really take it easy with the accusations. I suppose you are going to call me a drunk now too because I used to drink a lot. I didnt put any pressure on this girl what so ever at any point.

[Brotherhood67]

First of all, I told this new girl all about my control and "trust" issues from many many years ago.

 

Sooooo sexy for a first date ^-^

[Seraphim]

Thank you for the apology.

[Destroyed 33]

Toward the beginning of this new relationship, yes, I told her everything that happened with me and my break up. She told me a lot about her past relationships too. We got to know each pretty well right out of the gate and she seemed all in. She started calling me babe, honey, told me how she was thinking about me all day... As this short relationship progressed, there were very few instances of me bringing up my ex. Once and a while I would catch myself and say "Look, I honestly dont even want to talk about her with you anymore" and she would say that its totally fine, we can talk about anything... I would make a conscious effort to squash those discussion and we eventually just talked like two people trying to get to know each other. And no, I did not veiw her as a substitute or band aid at all. She was a girl that I was simply starting to like and looking forward to get to know over time. It was exciting and I looked at it as a good thing. We were getting along very well and having fun. It was cool.

[Destroyed 33]

Sooooo sexy for a first date ^-^

 

Come on bro! lol, this is something I disclosed to her like a week in. We had been talking for hours upon hours just about every night. This particular night she told me some fairly personal things about her and I threw some of my stuff out there as well. She consistently told me that all of her previous boyfriends were lairs and losers who treated her very poorly. Well, I made it clear that I was not that guy and was VERY upfront with her. I am an open book. I am not perfect and I am not ashamed to admit it.

[3Tears]

She probably was starting to rebound with you and she caught herself before it went any further, I think you both dodged a bullet, let it rest now lol

[Destroyed 33]

She probably was starting to rebound with you and she caught herself before it went any further, I think you both dodged a bullet, let it rest now lol

 

That is definitely possible. She said her last boyfriend was about a year ago but who knows. Her loss though. The rejection just kind of stings a little. Its totally fine though. I am not even mad at the chick. I wish her all the best. I have got no reason to be spiteful, it was just kind of rude and random.

[3Tears]

That is definitely possible. She said her last boyfriend was about a year ago but who knows. Her loss though. The rejection just kind of stings a little. Its totally fine though. I am not even mad at the chick. I wish her all the best. I have got no reason to be spiteful, it was just kind of rude and random.

 

Man, I've seen around here girls that are pinning over their ex bf and its been a year or even more, theres no time limit when it comes to getting over someone, some women be forever rebounding. Its crazy... (not calling women crazy, JUST IN CASE lol) before i get lynched

[Destroyed 33]

Man, I've seen around here girls that are pinning over their ex bf and its been a year or even more, theres no time limit when it comes to getting over someone, some women be forever rebounding. Its crazy... (not calling women crazy, JUST IN CASE lol) before i get lynched

 

Well, for the record, one of the first things I asked her point blank when we first spoke was if she was currently in a relationship. I made it very very clear that I do not want anything to do with someone who cheats... She of course said absolutely not. Who knows. Gave it a shot.

[Brotherhood67]

Come on bro! lol, this is something I disclosed to her like a week in. We had been talking for hours upon hours just about every night. This particular night she told me some fairly personal things about her and I threw some of my stuff out there as well. She consistently told me that all of her previous boyfriends were lairs and losers who treated her very poorly. Well, I made it clear that I was not that guy and was VERY upfront with her. I am an open book. I am not perfect and I am not ashamed to admit it.

 

Lol no need to justify what you did to me, I simply pictured a first date :

 

You : "Well, I just got dumped by my ex-girlfriend 2 months ago. We were together 16 years. I was terribly in love with her and she left for another guy. Yes I was devastated but now I'm fine, I've moved on."

 

Her It must have been really tough ! Are you sure you want a relationship right now ?"

 

You "Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm ok. Wow, when I see your car, I can't stop thinking how jealous she would be If she knew I was dating you"

 

Her it's a nice car. I love it... And otherwise, what do you do with your free time ?"

 

You : "Well, I play guitar and go to open-mics. I just made a song about my ex-girlfriend which is entitled "Why did you have to break my f***** heart ?" (can't remember the exact name so don't blame me ^-^). I played it, it was awesome !"

 

Her : "Right... And why did you two break-up in the end ? Did she give you a reason ?"

 

You : "She had a fling for a guy about 7 years ago. This made me really insecure for a while, I had trust issues and was a bit of a "control-freak" but it slowly faded away. And about 2 months ago BAM ! She left for another guy. Was kind of a b**** !"

 

Her : "Riiiiiight... I'm sleepy, I want to go to bed. See you xoxo"

 

It's probably a bit caricatural but maybe you get the idea ? ^-^

[3Tears]

I bet you $100 this is exactly how it went down!!!

[bulletproof]

I dont know. Its all a bunch of nonsense but you should really take it easy with the accusations.

 

Again, it's a bunch of nonsense, but not anything that you could do to change? It's all her, right?

I think you are going to see this pattern over and over again in your life.

You seem incredibly resistant to any sort of introspection or accepting criticisms from others.

[Cherry009]

I wasn't making accusations, just suggesting a possibilty of why she bailed suddenly. Sorry if i offended.

 

Like i said before, you have A LOT to learn about dating, it is all new to you & you will learn what most of us learnt in our 20s about dating. Yep girls and guys just disappear into thin air even though they seemed into you, yep you can chat for hours and they can change their mind at the drop of a hat, dating is cruel & can be mentally draining sometimes, in those early stages you have to not take any of it too seriously & not take it personally.

 

Not that i think you are ready to date yet but...the one key thing is not to talk about your ex, not to say you used to have control issues or anything like that. The key is also not to talk for hour on end without meeting up.

 

The First month or so of dating should be fun & carefree, no heavy talk about the past, just light, fun conversation about getting to know each other. You scream of emotional baggage, hence why you aren't ready to date. Talk of exes are such a turn off! You say you will be completely honest with everyone you meet (which it is always good to be honest) but unfortunately because of your past no girl is going to look at you as relationship material with your recent baggage. You say you dont understand why this girl up & left but it is scarily so easy to see why.

[chloelesliexo]

You sound like I used to be, always jumping head first into a relationship because having a relationship validates you.

 

Like it or lump it you have baggage, you are not over your ex, as many other posters have said, if you were then there would be indifference. Half of your posts refer to your ex, even if you are just saying " I definitely dont miss her".

 

If you want a lasting relationship then you need to take some time out, work out why your last relationship ended, could you improve anything going forward? Learn to be on your own a little bit, love yourself.

 

Chances are this girl up'd and left due to the ex talk, no girl likes it. And to be honest I think she is a very sensible girl to have the foresight to realise a rebound relationship.

[floridasfinest]

Lol no need to justify what you did to me, I simply pictured a first date :

 

 

Sorry Destroyed, but this one was hilarious lol