ohheyyy89 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Me and my ex have been broken up for about 6 weeks now. We were together for about 2 years. The last year was hell...fighting, drama, anxiety all of the above. Throughout that last year, we had taken so many breaks, TOO many to count! I fell out of love way before the actual break up. It was just one of those situations where we knew we weren't happy but kept trying to make it work, knowing it would never last and we would eventually break up at one point. And of course, we did. My question is, when is it okay to go on casual dates after a break up? should you be COMPLETELY over this person? And I'm not asking if its okay to get in a relationship right after the break up, because I couldn't do that, Im just trying to get a opinion from people on if its okay to go on dates and meet new people. My fear is that i will compare everyone with my ex. I don't want to damage myself, but then I don't want to cage and hide myself from new friendships possibly a future relationship. Also, I wouldn't want to get anyones hopes up if I wasn't ready for a relationship quite yet. I just want some personal opinions on what you think about meeting new people post break up if you still think about your ex. I would never get back with mine and I've accepted the fact it is over, it was my decision. Any tips? Advice? personal experiences? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 My fear is that i will compare everyone with my ex. You should compare everyone to your ex and if they are anything like him then quickly distance yourself and don't keep seeing them. I think its okay for you to date anytime after you've learned that you don't keep going back to someone you clearly don't get along with and you don't keep trying when you both know that eventually you're going to break up. That just breaking up and stop wasting one another's time and good emotions is the best thing to do when you know you're not compatible and that you're definitely not meant to be life mates. Once you have that dating lesson down pat and are feeling good to go, then go you do. Link to comment
notalady Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 I think it's ok to go out and meet new people if you feel like it. It's a personal choice as some people prefer to be alone and reflect on things and others want to go out there and enrich their life with new friends, both are fine, depends on if you feel ready to meet new people. But you need to make it clear to the people you meet that you just got out of a relationship and don't want to get into another one yet, just want to make new friends and take things easy for a while. But also mention that you do want a long term relationship, just not ready yet. I pretty much went straight back on the market after I broke up with my ex haha... But that's mainly because I wasn't too broken up about it, I was relieved to be free again. I met some nice people and made new friends, nothing serious came out of it. But in hindsight I think I really wasn't ready to get into another relationship yet at the time, even though I was over my ex, I did need some alone time to recover from the whole experience. I constantly had flashbacks of things my ex used to do in a way that makes me glad I got out of it, but I really didn't want to think about any of it, I just wanted to move on, but it just pops up in my mind when someone does something that reminds me of what my ex would have done in the same situation and I would end up comparing them (in a good way, ie I'm glad this guy doesn't do what my ex does). But really, I don't want to be making that comparison at all, I want to make bias free assessments and not think about my ex at all. But the frequency of that happening decreased with time, now 8 months on, I hardly think about him or those memories anymore in any way shape or form. So all in all, it's good that I didn't meet any real potentials at the time. But by all means, go make new friends, have fun and don't get into anything too serious, just keep in mind that you do need time alone to heal. Link to comment
ohheyyy89 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 you are right. I should compare everyone to my ex...In all the right ways of course, I honestly never looked at it like that. I just didn't want TOO much time to pass and then get stuck and scared to go on dates. I don't want to be that girl! I appreciate you're input : ) helps me get a clear mind on my situation. Link to comment
journeynow Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 My question is, when is it okay to go on casual dates after a break up? should you be COMPLETELY over this person? And I'm not asking if its okay to get in a relationship right after the break up, because I couldn't do that, Im just trying to get a opinion from people on if its okay to go on dates and meet new people. I hear far too many stories where someone dates too soon after a break up, meets someone and feelings develop on one or both sides, is not ready for a relationship, and someone gets hurt. If you haven't healed from your break up and are not ready for a relationship, wait until you are before dating to meet people so that feelings can develop (or not) on a healthier foundation. Link to comment
journeynow Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Instead of using casual dates to meet people, join group activities, meet ups, volunteer, or take classes to meet people. Link to comment
LoveSoDeep Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 Instead of using casual dates to meet people, join group activities, meet ups, volunteer, or take classes to meet people. Exactly!!! If you want to meet new people then start with that just go out and meet people in non-date situations this takes the pressure off and if a new relationship does come of it great...if not you've made new friends and done some fun things....it's a win-win. Link to comment
ohheyyy89 Posted July 24, 2014 Author Share Posted July 24, 2014 Exactly!!! If you want to meet new people then start with that just go out and meet people in non-date situations this takes the pressure off and if a new relationship does come of it great...if not you've made new friends and done some fun things....it's a win-win. very true: ) i've joined a group already and planning on meeting up with them soon. i appreciate your help! Link to comment
SooSad33 Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 With it being a long term relationship, I do suggest you consider a good few months alone. In order to get yourself back to good. You need to work on accepting and healing from your break up. That can take a bit of time, as it is 'change' and change isn't always easy. Also, I feel you may have some emotional damage at least. Hurt, resentment, anger, etc? Then take a bit of time to yourself now and work on all of this. You need to be more mentally/emotionally 'stable' again and feel good about yourself, in order to move on again, into something. One day at a time. Deal with your emotions etc. No need to rush into anything again. Hang with family, your friends, go spoil yourself out n about and enjoy life & freedom for a bit. good luck Link to comment
missmarple Posted July 24, 2014 Share Posted July 24, 2014 You had fallen out of love way before the actual break up. I think you're ready to date again Link to comment
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