Sperm Donor Wants to Take Me to Court - LMAO

[MisUnderstood9]

Well, after his stunt on Father's Day, I got fed of up of the constant disappointment my ex was causing my son that my lawyer advised me to serve my ex with papers requesting he sign over all his rights. I felt it was a fair thing to do since he never seemed to put my son as a priority in the first place so why wouldnt he want to sign over his rights - he wouldnt need to make my son an obligation anymore and he would no longer be forced to pay his support... as I saw it is a WIN-WIN.

 

(If you didnt read my post of what happened, heres the link... )

 

Guess to him that meant war to him and he decided to serve me with court papers asked for Every other weekend and every Wednesday and alternating weeks through the summer months.

 

My ex is a lazy ass welfare bum, who chooses partying over his son AND his child support payments. So in Oct 2013, I placed a claim with the Family Responsiblity Office (FRO) to start having his income guarnished. Well, they cant guarnish welfare, so they took his tax return and all government related cheques. (whoopi Well, my ex thinks that I am not entitled to the $6,000 he is behind in support payments and is ALSO asking that all arrears to vacated - meaning extinquished so he doesnt have to pay them. We have a binding written agreement since 2011, stating the child support he is supposed to pay, so Im pretty sure all owing arrears are owed to me whether he likes it or not. But, because my ex is asking to have the arrears vacated and is going to be costing me lawyer fees as well as time away from work, he is going to make sure the arrears stay in force as well as go after my costs.

 

My lawyer laughed when I gave him the papers he served me with, his exact words were... oh, he's going to wish he didnt serve you with this. I feel kinda of bad that I laughed about it as well but, I have 36 pages of documented notes dated and timed from January 2011 until Present of missed visitations, incidences that put my son in danger, and text messages of him saying how he doesnt care when he sees his son; letters from daycare providers on the 6 times my ex has forgotten to pick up my son on his visitation day and other family members had to get him for me because I was at work; statements from others about him being out at bars flauting around "cash" that he apparently didnt have and being on nights that he had my son; as well as 2 police harassment statements that I made because him and his mother were stacking my house and my son at school.. all of this is backing me up that my ex doesnt deserve anything but MAYBE supervised visitations at a centre.

 

I feel bad but I dont... He's done enough damage towards me and my son that I think its time for Karma to pay him a visit. It may all sound harsh but, enough is enough my son deserves a life where his free loading father isnt in it.

 

Some of you may think I am being a little spitful, and I'll agree that yes I am but, 5 years of the same marry-go round is getting on my nerves and I am starting to realize that my ex is damaging my son and I will NOT allow that to continue any longer.

[mhowe]

This is not about you or karma. This is about his legal responsibility to his child....and it doesn't matter what he "thinks" (your ex).

 

Listen to your lawyer and continue to document everything.

[Firiel]

Maybe you feel a little spiteful. I think that's okay. You have gone above and beyond to attempt to foster a good relationship between your son and his bio dad and have kept understandably spiteful feelings under control to help achieve that end.

 

You might be spiteful, but you are not making these decisions because you are spiteful. You are making these decisions because it is best for your son. Good for you.

[Cheetarah]

So what if you enjoy that it's not going to be so easy of a ride for him?

 

When I received my ex's tax return, I did a little jig. I thought of how boiling pissed off he must have been to have his funds intercepted. I enjoyed the thought, and I don't care what anyone thinks about that. It's his responsibility, he blew it off and that's just a small consequence of it.

[MisUnderstood9]

So what if you enjoy that it's not going to be so easy of a ride for him?

 

When I received my ex's tax return, I did a little jig. I thought of how boiling pissed off he must have been to have his funds intercepted. I enjoyed the thought, and I don't care what anyone thinks about that. It's his responsibility, he blew it off and that's just a small consequence of it.

 

Cheetarah, I did a jig also when his 1300 tax return was deposited into my bank account. I didnt even know I was getting it and then BAM I have money and I actually bursted out in laughter because I knew he was probably sitting around waiting for that money to show up.

 

It's been a struggle and I did give him soo many chances to be a dad and he just stomped all over it and somehow I was always the b**ch, well when he served me with the papers I thought.. "He always said I was a b**ch, so now I guess I get to be one" lol. Seriously cant wait for our court date after the judge reads through all of the information and hopefully laughs at him as well and also says he is a dead beat father... I hope he gets granted supervised visits in a centre or nothing at all (nothing at all would be my #1 choice). My lawyer is also requesting that he be drug tested and psych evaluated due to the statements from personal friends who have said that my ex is mental unstable at times and there are large occurances of paranoid and mood swings.

 

He's envitably screwed and Im kind of enjoying it.

[Cheetarah]

Yeah exactly, waiting on it so they could do something special for themselves that has zero to do with their sons.

 

I remember all your threads, and I do know you gave him a chance but he always flipped the script. You've got your son's best interests in mind with your actions; Getting to sit back and watch the consequences of his actions unfold in front of you is just a little bonus.

[mhowe]

Please keep posting...I can't wait to hear about his day in court. I shall buy popcorn!

[dangletsbang]

My son's father didn't even file his taxes this year because he's behind in child support and the money would've come to me. Keep documenting and saving everything like you've been doing...I do the same thing. I know exactly how you feel and i'm waiting for the day he tries to take me to court as he threatens to do all the time...they will laugh him out of the court. Good luck with everything...we have to be advocates for our kids! I commend you.

[MisUnderstood9]

Mhowe, I'll keep you updated for sure. I might just bring popcorn to the court room while I hear the judges verdict and my ex stomp out like a child as he loses lol.

[avman]

Oh you're not being spiteful at all. Your son is entitled to this support and he should be getting it. It sounds like you've got all the evidence you need and judges have seen this all before. Most of them can tell when someone is wasting the courts time because they don't want to live up to their obligations.

 

Do not be surprised if he actually does receive visitation from the court. Consider what you've said supervised is appropriate. So I'd settle for that. If he repeatedly doesn't show up at the supervision center that will be documented. And it will give you ammunition to go back to court and ask that visitation be terminated. However courts are extremely reluctant to just terminate visitation rights if a parent shows up saying they want them. I know it's a hassle and a headache but I've seen parents do really terrible things and still keep visitation rights.

 

Stay strong for your son. You sound like a great mom.

[waterman1148]

Mis, I've been lurking for a long time but, your situation has caused me to finally join.

 

As a child of divorced parents, I think what you are doing is great. I wish my mother would've had the strength to do it.

 

I remember sitting in the driveway waiting for my dad on Friday nights. Sometimes he would never show up, when he did, it was late or he was drunk.

 

Take my advice and get this a hole out of your son's life. It will pay off for him in the long run. His relationship with step dad is much more important. Anyone can be a weekend dad. It takes a real man to raise a child day to day.

[MisUnderstood9]

So we had our court date yesterday. Probably one of the FUNNIEST events ever been able to sit through..

 

Everything was dismissed and not proceeding further at this time because well the douche filed the papers incorrectly. hahahahahahahaha

 

So now he has to refill them out, refile them and re-serve me hahahahaha. Oh the look of anger on his face when the judge made her ruling and the glares of I got from his psycho mother was just awesome. haha now its just a waiting game to see if he tries again hahahahaha

[lukeb]

So we had our court date yesterday. Probably one of the FUNNIEST events ever been able to sit through..

 

Everything was dismissed and not proceeding further at this time because well the douche filed the papers incorrectly. hahahahahahahaha

 

So now he has to refill them out, refile them and re-serve me hahahahaha. Oh the look of anger on his face when the judge made her ruling and the glares of I got from his psycho mother was just awesome. haha now its just a waiting game to see if he tries again hahahahaha

 

I'm trying to find humor in this and I am having a tough time. I find the way you are telling the account with such gee to be distasteful. I feel sorry for your kids and that you can't love your kids more than you hate their father.

[avman]

I'm trying to find humor in this and I am having a tough time. I find the way you are telling the account with such gee to be distasteful. I feel sorry for your kids and that you can't love your kids more than you hate their father.

 

I don't think you've read back through the history of this. This father has left him standing in the driveway waiting for him to show up (and then doesn't), ignored him in favor of partying, and so on. It was only when the OP asked him to just sign over his parental rights since he hasn't been interested in being a father nor supporting his child that caused him to finally "act" interested.

[lukeb]

I don't think you've read back through the history of this. This father has left him standing in the driveway waiting for him to show up (and then doesn't), ignored him in favor of partying, and so on. It was only when the OP asked him to just sign over his parental rights since he hasn't been interested in being a father nor supporting his child that caused him to finally "act" interested.

 

That wasn't the point, I was just trying to figure out the humor in it all. There isn't a lot more I can say, except generalities. Obviously when relationship breaks down badly we want nothing more to do with the person, but we don't have that luxury when there are children involved. Is the OP able to love her children enough to go out of her way to make an effort to be cordial to her ex, facilitate visitation. There is a difference between wanting child support because you are looking out for your children, or do you want it to hurt your ex. It needs to get paid nevertheless, you will not get an argument from me, but which is it? If the ex is nothing more than a sperm donor why is she after him for child support? There are question that don't have to be answered here, but are good to think about. Is your hatred so great that it even encompasses your love for your children?

[ParisPaulette]

Obviously those who've never had children with an ex who constantly breaks their word about coming to visit their children are going to be more than a little glib. How exactly is someone supposed to "facilitate visitations" when the person in question won't actually just come visit their kid or kids in the first place? The OP followed the advice of her attorney and is herself doing things legally through the court system. It's not her fault the ex can't be bothered to show up to see his kid in favor of partying and that he can't be smart enough to simply do what the court clearly says to do in contesting custody cases. It's not rocket science people, it's all right there if anyone bothers to read what it is exactly one is trying to do.

 

OP, thanks for the update. Keep working with your lawyer, keep showing your kid you love him, he'll be happy one day that you made the effort for him to not allow him to think it is acceptable for someone to repeatedly break their promises to him.

[lukeb]

How exactly is someone supposed to "facilitate visitations" when the person in question won't actually just come visit their kid or kids in the first place?

 

You facilitate it by keeping your emotions out of it, by being objective and setting your hatred aside because there are more important things than your hatred. There was a long history that the OP and her ex shared before he got behind on his payments and didn't show up for a visitation. I'm not making an excuses for him but it seems pretty clear the OP doesn't even want him to show up or be around and is gleeful about the fact he is behind in his support because for her it is an opportunity to completely cut him out of her and her children's lives, and there is where she is wrong.

[Cheetarah]

It wasn't "a" visitation. It was many visitations. Her son finally felt a true, deep effect of it when on Father's Day, he went to go see his father and sat there for an hour with his homemade gift, and his father never bothered to come see him. The little boy got upset after sitting there, with the gift in his hands waiting for his dad, and threw it down the stairs and cried.

 

When I read that story, it shattered my heart and he's not my son. I can't even imagine how OP felt, or how I'd feel if my ex did that to my son. Being a parent, you can't protect your child from every hurt out there as badly as you want to. But no young child needs to learn a life lesson about how their parent can't be bothered to be in their life, and I personally would find her a crappy parent if she idly sat back and let this man hurt her son time and time again.

[avman]

You facilitate it by keeping your emotions out of it, by being objective and setting your hatred aside because there are more important things than your hatred. There was a long history that the OP and her ex shared before he got behind on his payments and didn't show up for a visitation. I'm not making an excuses for him but it seems pretty clear the OP doesn't even want him to show up or be around and is gleeful about the fact he is behind in his support because for her it is an opportunity to completely cut him out of her and her children's lives, and there is where she is wrong.

 

And I still maintain you haven't read the backstory and thus clearly don't understand what led up to this particular outcome. You have simply jumped to a conclusion without all the facts and are questioning the love the OP has for her child. An assertion that quite frankly I find outrageous. You also have misstated her posts as some sort of happiness he is behind in his support.

[lukeb]

And I still maintain you haven't read the backstory and thus clearly don't understand what led up to this particular outcome. You have simply jumped to a conclusion without all the facts and are questioning the love the OP has for her child. An assertion that quite frankly I find outrageous. You also have misstated her posts as some sort of happiness he is behind in his support.

 

You can maintain it all you want but its pretty clear that the OP doesn't have anywhere near a working relationship with her ex, that there still is intense hatred and difficult feelings and it is also clear that her love for her children is not enough to overcome that. It is not a far reaching conclusion by any stretch. It is making everything difficult, and I doubt her children are better off for it. It is sad story all around, the OP might be laughing, but I'm not laughing with her.

[Cheetarah]

She has one child. I mean, it's obvious you've read nothing about her and the history, but you can at least pretend and get a basic detail right.

 

These "difficult feelings" stem from his inconsistency and absence in their son's life.

[avman]

also clear that her love for her children is not enough to overcome that

 

One parent alone cannot create a working relationship. It takes both. The OP loves her child intensely. That alone does not compel her ex to actually cooperate and be a decent father to his child. The OP wasn't the one who left her child waiting in the driveway for her to visit. It was the ex who did that after the OP did everything possible to have her child spend fathers day with his dad.

[Iggles]

I'm not making an excuses for him but it seems pretty clear the OP doesn't even want him to show up or be around and is gleeful about the fact he is behind in his support because for her it is an opportunity to completely cut him out of her and her children's lives, and there is where she is wrong.

 

Actually, it sounds like you are.

 

OP knows her situation better than you do. With what she has shared, she doesn't want him to let her kid down anymore. She wants him to sign away his rights. Being a parent is more than donating sperm. He doesn't get a lifetime pass on bad behavior just because he is the bio dad.

 

He has to earn the right be a part of his kid's life. Going forward, should he get sober and actually stick to his commitments, his involvement should be at her discretion. And if she decides he causes more trouble than it's worth to have him around, she can protect her son.

[ParisPaulette]

There was a long history that the OP and her ex shared before he got behind on his payments and didn't show up for a visitation

 

Someone clearly hasn't really read the OP's posts.

[lukeb]

Someone clearly hasn't really read the OP's posts.

 

At least we're not all laughing, that is something.