Should i try with my sour ex ?

[Sunnysidex1]

Ex and I have been broken up for around 8-9 months, it was a bad breakup she left me (Reasons were stupid and ultimately I think she just found someone else and left). Since then ive done things I regret and were stupid but this was all because I was destroyed by what her, her friends, and family did to me. Since day one shes been spreading lies to my work, friends, family and anyone im associated with. We have been no contact for 2 months or so now and I gave up trying to smooth things over and be friendly. Recently I realised I need to make peace with my past and I want to send her a message and try once again (friends say im stupid, that ive tried numerous times and I should give up). I just feel like I need to do something, she and her friends are rude to my new partner and my girl friends as well as me. Why is she doing and acting like this ? its been 9 months.

 

 

Is it worth trying to smooth things over? confront? or just continue ignoring ?

[mhowe]

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

[Destroyed 33]

The answer that you are going to get here is "No, let it go and move on." and at this point, 9 months later, i would mostly agree with that advice.

 

If you did happen to be on any kind of good terms with her at all and felt healed and strong enough to confront her, I would dabble with the idea of asking her out for a coffee and address your concerns maturely with her but it honestly sounds like she feeds on the hype and drama she has created. It sucks but in your position, the best thing sounds like just moving on. You would probably only be stoking the fire by interacting with her at all.

[HeartGoesOn]

Hasn't she done enough to you?

 

Yes, ignore and place a higher price tag on yourself.

[floridasfinest]

Doesnt sound like any attempts to get her back would be successful. Try to retain whatever is left of your pride and forget about her. If you attempt to get her back (and it sounds like you probably will)...promise yourself that this will be the last time. If she shuts you down then erase her from your life, your thoughts, everything and move on. Sounds like she treated you pretty badly anyways.

[Sunnysidex1]

Thank you to everyone so far, it's what I needed to hear. Just to make everything clear I don't and never want this girl in my life. I simply just wanted to make peace so nothing gets ruined in my future. As you have all said, she's not worth it. So screw it haha.

[sunnz]

I was destroyed by what her, her friends, and family did to me. Since day one shes been spreading lies to my work, friends, family and anyone im associated with.

 

this is all you need to remember and keep moving forward,

 

The only peace you need to make is within yourself and to know you don't need to hang on to the past and allowing yourself to tolerate bs from drama people that try to bring your life down, just because they have nothing better to do then gossip to the town and make themselves look good, when really they look immature and giving your name way too much attention.

 

end the bad circle and enjoy your new relationship, plus you should be respecting your new gf by not associating with your ex.

[ParisPaulette]

Look, I remember this case. And I remember being a bit appalled at how mean she was being and advising you to not let her bully you. And then I see this and I have to wonder whether there isn't more to the story than you are letting on. Because if I were in her shoes and some guy I had broken up with kept after me and kept after me trying to "appease" and "be nice" and "I just want to make peace" I wouldn't see it as a friendly gesture, I'd see it as stalking and harassment and I would not be friendly or want to talk to that person at all.

 

You need to move on and get another job or something that takes you completely out of her universe and her out of yours, because the fact that you keep crawling after her no matter how hard she's kicking you is exactly why she's kicking you. You cannot force her to like you. You cannot force her to accept whatever it is you hope to gain. Reign it in and go see a counselor or get another job if it's this bad. At this point you trying to talk to her is only going to make her angrier and treat you even more badly, if she doesn't start filing complaints to HR for harassment.

 

And if you have a new girlfriend why are you still chasing after an ex? Totally disrespectful to the new girl. You need to realize this is not normal and you've tipped into obsession territory. Get some counseling or do something to change this, but continuing to try and get her to talk nice to you is the last thing that's going to accomplish. And why are you dating someone else if you still aren't over this ex? I really do not get this at all.

[SooSad33]

"Recently I realised I need to make peace with my past and I want to send her a message and try once again"

- Seriously??

 

Look at what you've said in this post and your heading.. "Should i try with my sour ex ?"

WHY would you want to get into anything with her again?

 

NC for 2 months now? Keep going...

 

SHE has problems if she's acting this immature after 9 months.. gawd.

Ignore her and do your best to move along.

[Sunnysidex1]

Hey, thanks for the reply. I just want to clear up that im not chasing this girl and I haven't for months. I tried 2-3 months ago (one text) to smooth things over which I was ignored. Besides that ive ignored all her attempts at being mean and what not. Ive simply had enough of her trying to ruin everything in my life and I wasn't sure if trying again, its been months now, maybe she would listen (then again she probably wont). I don't want my new partner being harassed by 5-6 girls everywhere she goes and im sick of my girl friends being hounded. Ill continue to ignore and avoid as ive been doing for months and just hope all this disappears.

[Tanzi]

Two months NC is barely anything when you should really be trying to disconnect yourself completely from your SOUR ex and her disrespectful friends and family. If you contact her again, you will be setting yourself up for more abuse/aggression/retaliation. Leave your ex well-alone and don't create even more drama. There will only be potential problems if you don't let sleeping dogs lie.

[Sunnysidex1]

"Recently I realised I need to make peace with my past and I want to send her a message and try once again"

- Seriously??

 

Look at what you've said in this post and your heading.. "Should i try with my sour ex ?"

WHY would you want to get into anything with her again?

 

NC for 2 months now? Keep going...

 

SHE has problems if she's acting this immature after 9 months.. gawd.

Ignore her and do your best to move along.

 

Sorry I wasn't clear in my post. I don't want "anything" from her besides her to stop doing what she's doing to my social, work and family life. Yes its been total nc for 2 months. Prior to my one "smooth things over" text I was nc for around 3 months. I just caved and confronted her to an extent.

[Tanzi]

There will come a time when she will become bored with her antics. She doesn't sound reasonable and it is therefore doubtful that you can reason with her. Don't bite .... it will only keep the fire inside her burning.

[Sunnysidex1]

There will come a time when she will become bored with her antics. She doesn't sound reasonable and it is doubtful that you can reason with her. Don't fire her up all over again.

 

Thanks for the replies. I was 95% never going to contact her again there was just that 5% in which I felt like I needed to do something and that's why I came here. I was simply after peoples opinions and hopefully get them to set me straight. Thank you.

[Tanzi]

If she is continuing to make life difficult for you, it is understandable that you might feel compelled to do something. Hopefully now though you can see why it is best left. It sounds as though she is bitter about something so whatever you say will likely fall on deaf ears anyway. Some people just aren't worth the efforts of others unfortunately.

[ParisPaulette]

I don't want my new partner being harassed by 5-6 girls everywhere she goes and im sick of my girl friends being hounded. Ill continue to ignore and avoid as ive been doing for months and just hope all this disappears.

 

Yes, and in a previous thread I gave you a link and advice on how to deal with bullies in the workplace. It was good solid advice that works. Instead you seem to have this idea stuck in your head that continuing to be nice to this girl and to try and appease her will make her back off. It's all a game to her and every time you're nice she and her friends go in for the kill.

 

Don't you get it? These are the kinds of people who often end up on the front page of the news having harassed someone to the point of suicide. They see niceness as a weakness. They see you trying to ignore them and backing away as a weakness. It empowers them. Why you haven't already gone to HR about her and/or gotten her and her friends tossed out of every club in town when they show up and make trouble is beyond me. Stop.being.nice. And stop trying to even speak to her at all. Instead gather up any and all evidence of her and her friends harassing you and your friends. Film them, file complaints, go to your boss/manager/HR or do the tactics that were in the article I gave you that will make your coworkers your allies and freeze her out in the cold. Do something, but being nice--no, the time for niceness is long since past.

 

I already told you this one won't back off until you do something about it. People who enjoy having power over others don't back off until that power is neutralized. And by that I don't mean anything physical, I mean you go above their heads and get whatever authorities involved involved. When a bully sees that it hurts them more to come after you than it does to leave you alone they leave you alone. Ignoring, playing nice, trying bribe them or appease to a better sense of humanity that bullies just don't have doesn't work.

 

So if this is all about her and her friends bullying you and your friends step up and do something about it. If it's just you doing something else then stop it. Either way being nice to her just feeds her control and nastiness. You know this, I know this, the world knows this. Why are you persisting on a line of reasoning that isn't and hasn't ever worked?

[Sunnysidex1]

Thank you so much for your time and effort in helping me out with this situation. I have been to my boss about this as well as a police report. I thank you for your advice and I'll implement it more now to see how it goes.

 

Thank you to everyone who has helped me through this.