Im obsessed with tryng to find out if he is trying to date someone else

[fed up]

I realize Ive already posted about this...but when evening rolls around I cant seem to put it out of my head. Im thinking of sending L. a FB message...asking if P. (my ex BF) is hovering around her. He and I were split up for two months between Jan and March and shortly after that time I asked a mutual male friend of mine and hers to ask about him (P.). She alluded to the fact that she liked him, thought he was a hard worker....could see herself dating him, but didn't because she was *stubborn*. So ever since then I have wondered what it meant.

 

He had friended her on FB while he and I were dating. He introduced me to her back in July or August 2013. I saw their activity on FB and I was OK with that, even thought I didn't like that he sought her out on FB AFTER he and I became an item. But I let it go.

 

Then, after our break between Jan - March 2014, when he and I got back together, I saw they weren't FB friends anymore. I asked him about it, he dismissed it as her being weird and needy. I didn't press.

 

Then, two months ago while out shopping, we saw her and then gave eachother a cordial wave. He is the time of guy, very flamboyant, who goes out of his way to talk to people. So, I found this odd and out of character for him.

 

Then, 3 weeks ago, I noticed he and she texted eachother, but still no FB activity. I grilled him on this and that's when poop hit the fan. I DO BELIEVE he is loyal when he is with someone, but I also believe he keeps women in his back pocket.

 

Its driving me nuts. Anyways, now we are splittsville for good but I still feel like asking her.

[mhowe]

Join a gym. Take a class.

 

You need a new hobby. This one isn't healthy.

[fed up]

LOL...I know...but....

[ThatwasThen]

No lol.... You're boardering on obsessive Compulsive behaviour.

 

Get on with your life and do the work YOU need to do to get to the point of not giving a rats patootie who he's been with or who is with now.

 

He's.An.Ex.

[fed up]

OK LOL thanks...taking my dog out for a walk and calling a friend instead. I also just realized this would get back to his ears and I would come accross as the psycho ex GF

[Raaawr]

I realize Ive already posted about this...but when evening rolls around I cant seem to put it out of my head. Im thinking of sending L. a FB message...asking if P. (my ex BF) is hovering around her. He and I were split up for two months between Jan and March and shortly after that time I asked a mutual male friend of mine and hers to ask about him (P.). She alluded to the fact that she liked him, thought he was a hard worker....could see herself dating him, but didn't because she was *stubborn*. So ever since then I have wondered what it meant.

Why is this important. What do you stand to gain with this knowledge? Eventually hes going to date someone.

 

He had friended her on FB while he and I were dating. He introduced me to her back in July or August 2013. I saw their activity on FB and I was OK with that, even thought I didn't like that he sought her out on FB AFTER he and I became an item. But I let it go.

 

Then, after our break between Jan - March 2014, when he and I got back together, I saw they weren't FB friends anymore. I asked him about it, he dismissed it as her being weird and needy. I didn't press.

 

Then, two months ago while out shopping, we saw her and then gave eachother a cordial wave. He is the time of guy, very flamboyant, who goes out of his way to talk to people. So, I found this odd and out of character for him.

Over thinking this whole thing and you are no longer together so it is no longer even relevant.

 

Then, 3 weeks ago, I noticed he and she texted eachother, but still no FB activity. I grilled him on this and that's when poop hit the fan. I DO BELIEVE he is loyal when he is with someone, but I also believe he keeps women in his back pocket.

Its not uncommon for someone to set up an immediate relationship before their current one ends, its also not unusual for someone to leave someone for another person, it is equally not unusual for a guy and a girl to be friends. Of all the possible scenarios, why does it matter?

 

Its driving me nuts. Anyways, now we are splittsville for good but I still feel like asking her.

Dont. First, you will look like an absolute crazy jealous nutjob. Second, it shows you are still affected by things which is only a boost to his ego. Third, you make yourself look weak, desperate and needy.

[nutbrownhare]

(a) If you find that he is, you'll be devastated.

(b) If you find he isn't, you likely won't believe it.

© If you find nothing conclusive, you can drive yourself mad until you think you've found out he is. See (a) and (b) above.

 

OR you can decide that you're wonderful, gorgeous, worthy of the very best that life has to offer - and that doesn't include trying to pry into the private life of someone who isn't worthy of a single second more of your valuable thinking time. You could always decide that the energy you're expending on wondering whether he is or isn't dating would be better spent on planning a great future for yourself - without him living in a corner of your mind.

 

I know which I'd do.

[vivigooli]

yeah.. you have to ask yourself, what purpose will it serve to find out this information.. it will not change anything that has happened. it sounds more like you feel out of control of the situation, or that you have a desire to have the upper hand. you will never find "closure" if that's what you're after. some people obsess over these situations because they feel like they have lost the game. it doesn't matter. live in this moment right now, feel and examine the present. take in a deep breath, let go of the past, and plunge forward. like the folks before said, divert your mind and next thing you know all this will be a faded memory and you'll have more important and fulfilling things to care about, instead of you carrying this baggage in YOUR back pocket. you can do it!

[PaintWithLight]

OK LOL thanks...taking my dog out for a walk and calling a friend instead. I also just realized this would get back to his ears and I would come accross as the psycho ex GF

 

Whether he would hear about you asking, you are still very close to "crazy ex GF" territory. Imagine his reaction if he knew what you have already gotten up to?

 

Some guys do keep backups. Some don't. The focus here is on you to live and learn. But wait a minute. Is this the same guy that you posted about here:

 

 

 

If so, holy cow! What was so compelling about him? He was never going to be the kind of man you deserve. Good riddance to him!!

[SooSad33]

Get off this kick. It's NOT letting you move ahead.

You're remaining stuck on 'them'. Whatever's going on now has NOTHING to do with you.

 

You're only hurting yourself trying to figure it all out.

It's not worth the pain...

 

Time to work on staying away from it all and work on YOU, accepting, healing & moving on with life.

[fed up]

Whether he would hear about you asking, you are still very close to "crazy ex GF" territory. Imagine his reaction if he knew what you have already gotten up to?

 

Some guys do keep backups. Some don't. The focus here is on you to live and learn. But wait a minute. Is this the same guy that you posted about here:

 

 

 

If so, holy cow! What was so compelling about him? He was never going to be the kind of man you deserve. Good riddance to him!!

 

 

Yes, it's him! LOL...you guys are a wonderful support system. Thanks all of you

[nutbrownhare]

Wow! I've just read that other thread... what a catch (not!).

 

Let yourself know you you've had a lucky escape, and I reiterate what I said about not having him living in a corner of your mind. You might want to disinfect the spot, too!

[Capricorn3]

Man, he's a total froot loop. Be glad he's an EX! I can't imagine why you would even be interested in what he's doing. Don't waste your energy on this one.

[fed up]

curious, which stuff do you guys find makes his a bad catch? I'm not being naïve.I fell for his heart, and his words. There is way more I could have shared, and didn't. His ex before me went through the same issues - anger, alcohol, not working - and when she dumped him for another guy, he harassed her and ended up getting a harassment conviction and one year probation. I feel like I want revenge, but will have to let it go, otherwise I am being just like him. What is wrong with me?

[nutbrownhare]

Forget the idea of revenge, because it's a waste of energy you'd be better off putting into a great future for yourself.

 

As to what makes him a bad catch, you summarised it very aptly yourself when you said: I HAD TO CHOOSE MY SANITY OVER THE EVER GROWING VOLATILITY.

 

Just re-read that post. Imagine it were happening to someone else. What would your advice be?

[Capricorn3]

curious, which stuff do you guys find makes his a bad catch? His ex before me went through the same issues - anger, alcohol, not working - and when she dumped him for another guy, he harassed her and ended up getting a harassment conviction and one year probation.

Please read your question above, and then read what you wrote after it. Would you call him a good catch? If you want more examples of what makes him a bad catch, please read your other thread carefully:

 

I'm both baffled and surprised that you actually have to ask what makes him a bad catch. Seriously?

[fed up]

Guess I'm still blinded by the closeness we did share when it was good...the fun times...

I do feel better with each passing day - and I know there is way better and healthier out there. It's because I also see my role in the demise...Once I out him out of my mind it will get better. Just disappointed. In him, and myself. Thanks again.