Just when I was getting better...

[Charlotte12]

Just when I was getting better...I found out he introduced this girl to his parents. Not only this but his family tells me they miss me and they don't like the new girl. Good lord! How can someone fall in love so fast??? How can someone move on so quickly without turning back? He was telling me things just two months ago.

I know I need to stop caring about him with her but my head is the issue...I can't forget what he did, I can't forget his lack of interest towards me...

 

 

*I speak with his family because I am one of his nephew's godmother. So I have to talk to them every once in a while. I told them not to tell me anything else about him because it hurts. But I can't erase what I just found out.

[3Tears]

Its really crazy when you think about it, I spent 3 days with my ex at a hotel, just us two. The last morning we were there she told me a bunch of times to never let her go no matter what and how much she loved me, 2 weeks later she dumps me. A month later I found out there was another dude in the picture.

[Charlotte12]

Its really crazy when you think about it, I spent 3 days with my ex at a hotel, just us two. The last morning we were there she told me a bunch of times to never let her go no matter what and how much she loved me, 2 weeks later she dumps me. A month later I found out there was another dude in the picture.

 

Something pretty similar happened to me. I can't believe how they can deceive us that way. This guy didn't even bother to apologise before leaving me. We have been together for six years and he told me I was the love of his life before dumping me. I guess you can never trust anyone, huh?

[jimjon]

this is all to familiar. seems to happen often enough even though it's one of the lowest things a person can do to another. All I can say is that down the road when something triggers you missing them and you get stuck on the good times you can remind yourself of what he did. could that have been love? I dealt with the same thing. very hard. i do think looking back that if that person did that to me then even if THAT hadn't happened something all too similar probably would have happened down the road. stay strong. get some sun, vent, survive

[Charlotte12]

this is all to familiar. seems to happen often enough even though it's one of the lowest things a person can do to another. All I can say is that down the road when something triggers you missing them and you get stuck on the good times you can remind yourself of what he did. could that have been love? I dealt with the same thing. very hard. i do think looking back that if that person did that to me then even if THAT hadn't happened something all too similar probably would have happened down the road. stay strong. get some sun, vent, survive

 

 

Hi Jimjon! Thanks for your reply. I had never experience any red flags or anything like it. He was very good to me all along. My friends and his family are all dissapointed and can't believe what he did. I can't believe I keep waiting for a "sorry"

[Realitynut]

LOL...well crap...the guy that brought me here to ena...proposed to me..on his knees...asked 3 times will you marry me! One month later i find out he met a girl the week before he proposed...and even called her the night before he proposed from my parents vacation home. I paid for his cell....and saw the phone bill!

 

Now that is low.

 

My latest guy 3 weeks ago after making love, held me in his arms and told me he was so glad we were on the same 'page'. 2 days later he said it was over. My friends said he asked them to go kayaking that day with him and her. Last night i found out they went kayaking again with the new 'happy' couple. Then they went camping. Now he and her are doing everything with 'our' friends. ugh

 

So i had bad dreams last night about both of them, and woke up depressed. Took me 2+ years to get over fiance cheating on me....in fact it wasn't til i met this last guy. I told my mom last OCT...I was finally happy again.

 

so...ugh again. Starting over sucks.

[Charlotte12]

Realitynut I am so sorry for what they did to you...did they ever apologise? at least???

[No1]

You will not always get an apology from someone who broke your heart. Should you? Perhaps.. Will you? Probably not. I have had break ups where I have and some where I havent. Life does continue without an apology.. must learn to accept, then decide. Misery or Happiness

[jimjon]

Hi Jimjon! Thanks for your reply. I had never experience any red flags or anything like it. He was very good to me all along. My friends and his family are all dissapointed and can't believe what he did. I can't believe I keep waiting for a "sorry"

It's no trouble, I'm not often on this site anymore but will be checking back over the next while. Unfortunately there's no magic advice. you'll read a lot of advice on this site and there'll be helpful tips and some not so helpful ones. It can be hard to tell what is what for awhile. even regarding your own thoughts.

I went through a similar type of break up as you. no real red flags either. and it went about as bad as it could've. I cut her off and you know i did htink i would eventually get a sorry but all i got was..well i dunno..indifference is close enough a description. It made things a lot harder than other break ups. I mean none are easy but i think you know what i mean. this sounds like it'll be a tough one for you. Remind yourself of how you've been treated. we're hard on ourselves after break ups, do you honestly believe you deserved that? it's tough when it comes from someone we loved because we almost don't want to believe it or for awhile we'd forgive them anything (generalizations obv) BUT if someone can do that to you was that the person who would spend the rest of your life with? I'm not trying to be negative it's just that i cant think of much advice to offer but i know that that helped me eventually. there might be periods where nothing helps, get through em please, see friends force, yourself to distraction (better than i did), vent. whatever helps you keep going and one thing i struggled with afterwards is that i lost a lot of self confidence, try not to fall into that trap, you do sound like a sweet girl. take care, sorry if this is a bit of a tangent, checked the site right before bed

[ChilliRed2013]

Hey there Charlotte.

 

The trickle of information from ex "family" is something you definitely don't want. Bear in mind though... they may have meant it as a supportive gesture.

-"you're better than her"-

 

I'm very glad to read you made it known that no further information be passed along.

Good move. Keep the relationship between yourself and the parents of godson separate to your ex from now on.

 

Regarding an apology. I know the feeling well. Concentrate on removing that particular hope from your thoughts as soon as you can. It causes delays, and he couldn't provide you with a genuine apology at this point in his life anyway.

 

He can't give one, so you don't want or need one.

[SooSad33]

Right! (respect you) >> "I told them not to tell me anything else about him because it hurts."

 

Just think of.. karma. I'm sure this'll bite him in the *** soon enough

Give it time... meanwhile just work on YOU. Keep your distance, work on accepting & working thru the pains.

I had to do the same. lost someone I loved for 5 yrs.. a year ago.. he walked away.

 

One day at a time...tc

[Charlotte12]

Hey there Charlotte.

 

The trickle of information from ex "family" is something you definitely don't want. Bear in mind though... they may have meant it as a supportive gesture.

-"you're better than her"-

 

I'm very glad to read you made it known that no further information be passed along.

Good move. Keep the relationship between yourself and the parents of godson separate to your ex from now on.

 

Regarding an apology. I know the feeling well. Concentrate on removing that particular hope from your thoughts as soon as you can. It causes delays, and he couldn't provide you with a genuine apology at this point in his life anyway.

 

He can't give one, so you don't want or need one.

 

 

 

Yeah, I am sure they don't mean to hurt me. And they wanted us to get married...I've known them for a long time and I positively know they love me because they keep on telling me that. So this break up was a dissapointment for them too.

 

I was just "blocking" the thoughts of him as much as I could and now I can only think again about how things turned out and how he threw me away...how he is already introducing this girl to his parents and how they don't like her but HE DOES! And he does it enough for him to throw me away.

 

Even though I love them very much...I don't need to know about him. I don't want to cut them out of my life because they have been very good to me and because they treated me like family all the time. But I needed to tell them not to talk about him anymore...because knowing these tiny details just make me feel worse. It's been only three months from our break up. Not only does he had a new girl right away (probably he left me because of her) but he is already introducing her to his family!

 

I'm trying to focus on not expecting anything else from him anymore...but I really don't know how to do that. I know I need to stop right away because he doesn't seem to be regretful at all and I don't think he will ever be.

[Charlotte12]

Right! (respect you) >> "I told them not to tell me anything else about him because it hurts."

 

Just think of.. karma. I'm sure this'll bite him in the *** soon enough

Give it time... meanwhile just work on YOU. Keep your distance, work on accepting & working thru the pains.

I had to do the same. lost someone I loved for 5 yrs.. a year ago.. he walked away.

 

One day at a time...tc

 

 

You think? I think he is pretty happy and without any regrets. It seems that everyone is dissapointed at him, even his family. I am really sad today, I am sorry but this has affected me again.

I will try my best to keep on going like I did for the past three months. I just hope to be able to forget this right away.

[sunflower87]

You think? I think he is pretty happy and without any regrets. It seems that everyone is dissapointed at him, even his family. I am really sad today, I am sorry but this has affected me again.

I will try my best to keep on going like I did for the past three months. I just hope to be able to forget this right away.

 

You will get there, I have the same thing from my exes family and friends, really disappointed in him and what he's lost/done. And perhaps one day the regret will hit the dumper as well. But you'll be in a better place and position to act upon it. There's always a few bumps along the road, you're doing so well and deserve happiness.

[Charlotte12]

You will get there, I have the same thing from my exes family and friends, really disappointed in him and what he's lost/done. And perhaps one day the regret will hit the dumper as well. But you'll be in a better place and position to act upon it. There's always a few bumps along the road, you're doing so well and deserve happiness.

 

Thank you so much for responding! You may think that I am crazy, but it gives me so much relief to be able to talk with people who were in my shoes. It reaaaaaaaaaaally feels terrible to receive all those "We are dissapointed at him too" "We can't believe what he did" comments. So you may know how I feel. It's hard. It's kind of comforting to know that you are so "valuable" to many people, including his family. But it is also very sad that he is the only one who doesn't see it.

I deserve happiness, and you too! Hope you are doing great.

[itsallmental]

You will not always get an apology from someone who broke your heart. Should you? Perhaps.. Will you? Probably not. I have had break ups where I have and some where I havent. Life does continue without an apology.. must learn to accept, then decide. Misery or Happiness

 

I thought an apology was what I wanted to hear... and when I received that apology 2 weeks ago it made me feel good, but then I realized that it just reminds you of how much you miss them, its worse than no contact in some ways. It makes you feel like they want you back, at least that's how I felt. But that's not the case. So now I'm having to readdress a lot of the pain I have already dealt with. My advice is not to get hung up on things like "will she apologize? Will she ever contact me? Will she miss me?" Because it's not all it's cracked up to be. Even if they do miss you, they also broke your heart.. it's just better to let them go.

 

Anyway, good post No1

[Ms Darcy]

And they wanted us to get married...I've known them for a long time and I positively know they love me because they keep on telling me that. So this break up was a dissapointment for them too.

 

I think the sad thing is that family thinks they know the relationship but they don't. Only you and your ex know so for them to still want marriage for you was unfair to you in many ways. It is your right and his right to walk away when you are unhappy.

 

Eventually the relationship you have with the family will die off. You don't have the same tie to them now that you are not with him - even though you are a godmother. I would keep that in mind.

[ChilliRed2013]

The ties that bond are unique to the individuals concerned.

 

Charlotte... you, and you alone know the strength of the bond between yourself and certain family members of your ex-partner.

 

If the bonds were orientated around your past partnering with thier sibling, son, cousin etc. .. yes, be aware that those ties will fade with time. Life continues for everybody.

 

If a separate bonding between yourself and a family member was formed and maintained for a lengthy period(and they themselves are an emotionally healthy human being), then there is no real reason why that bond should fade. That family member is an individual person. They own their thoughts, and can act as they see fit.

 

If certain family members of your ex choose to stay in contact with you at this time, offer support, respect your wishes to know nothing about his comings and goings, and don't delve into your struggles... then there is a good possibility that they are genuine friends who care about you.

Nothing is guaranteed in life... but in your situation, these would be good starting points to work with.

[Charlotte12]

I think the sad thing is that family thinks they know the relationship but they don't. Only you and your ex know so for them to still want marriage for you was unfair to you in many ways. It is your right and his right to walk away when you are unhappy.

 

Eventually the relationship you have with the family will die off. You don't have the same tie to them now that you are not with him - even though you are a godmother. I would keep that in mind.

 

We had a good relationship and this took everyone by surprise. That's what I meant...

I know the contacts with the family will be less and less but as you said...I am a godmother and I would wish not to disappear as if I have been no one for them. But then again...that's what my ex wants. Or at least that's what he has been showing for the past months.

[Charlotte12]

Right! (respect you) >> "I told them not to tell me anything else about him because it hurts."

 

Just think of.. karma. I'm sure this'll bite him in the *** soon enough

Give it time... meanwhile just work on YOU. Keep your distance, work on accepting & working thru the pains.

I had to do the same. lost someone I loved for 5 yrs.. a year ago.. he walked away.

 

One day at a time...tc

 

 

Thank you so much for all your answers...I hope we could recover faster...but well, what can you do?

[Charlotte12]

I guess we will see...I kind of wish to be in their lives but it is very hard too. Because I know someday I may find out something that can make me feel horrible (like what I found out the other day). I can't cut them out of my life, I love them and I have a strong bond with them. Today I sent messages to my ex father in law and my ex brother in law (my godson's father) because of Father's day. And they always reply in the most kind and beautiful way...but they also let me know that they miss me and this is hard.

[Beduldac]

Just when I was getting better...I found out he introduced this girl to his parents. Not only this but his family tells me they miss me and they don't like the new girl. Good lord! How can someone fall in love so fast??? How can someone move on so quickly without turning back? He was telling me things just two months ago.

I know I need to stop caring about him with her but my head is the issue...I can't forget what he did, I can't forget his lack of interest towards me...

 

 

*I speak with his family because I am one of his nephew's godmother. So I have to talk to them every once in a while. I told them not to tell me anything else about him because it hurts. But I can't erase what I just found out.

 

That may actually be a good thing. The earlier and faster the 'I love yous' start, it is far more likely it will be coming apart. Real love does not happen so fast.