bi curious, True to myself?

[flower99]

I'm not sure where to start with this so please bear with me.

I'm bisexual or bi curious never been with a women but have fantasied about it for as long as I can remember. Been attracted to women since I was 12 but lost my virginity to my first serious boyfriend & was pregnant within a month after that. After that my son became first priority so I felt he needed a family. I always wanted the happy family...traditional, marry a man & have a happy family, 3 years later I did. I married a wonderful man who I love very much. We've been married 7 years happily (of course there are issues but overall happy) been faithful & open with each other. I love him, he's all the man I need but I still only fantasies about is women.

 

2 weeks ago I had a anxiety attack, first time, it was terrifying I thought i was having a heart attack..lol anyways, there has been some stresses in life lately, moving, sons hitting puberty, my ex feeding him lies & exposing him to adult issues that an 11 year old just shouldn't have to deal with, but everyone has issues... My life has been full of them. I don't know why the sudden panic attack?

 

My husband the other night brought up my sexuality. Wondering if the anxiety attack was because I'm not being true to myself. And was asking if I wanted or needed the opportunity to have sex with girls. He's wondering if I need freedom to do so, outside of the home. he thinks that perhaps suppressing part of who I am is causes me stress.

 

This surprised me, I thought WE always had the cheating is cheating mentality regardless of what gender your hooking up with. Now I don't know.

 

I'm really aroused and excited by the thought of doing so but than another part of me says it's a recipe for disaster. not to go outside of my marriage for sex. Just cause I'm attracted to women shouldn't mean I need to bang one. Although I'm loving the idea of it but I fear it may ruin my marriage & family, like there will be long term consequences if so...not sure what tho?

What's your thoughts?

could sexuality & anxiety attack be connected?

Could hooking up with girls it actually help? or just cause problems?

Anyone been in this situation & it have good long term outcome? or negative long term outcome?

[Cynder]

If your husband is understanding and aware of this, and he is giving you the opportunity, I say go for it.

 

I was married for 8 years to a man who was not even remotely sexually attracted to me. (Of course this didn't come out until after we got married.) We only had sex a few times a year for most of our marriage. But I stuck it out because I took my vows seriously.

 

I have been attracted to both sexes ever since adolescence too, like you. For a while I called myself bi-curious. My first serious boyfriend thought it was disgusting and basically forced me to suppress that part of myself. So I did for a long time. My (now ex) husband new but didn't have a problem with it.

 

Him and I decided to be in an open marriage about 6 years in. Even though it caused the inevitable breakup between us, it was still one of the most freeing, liberating experiences of my life. For a while I had a husband, a male lover and a girlfriend.

 

In doing this I learned a lot about myself, and I also learned that I could do a lot better then who I was married to. This feeling was mutual. Now I have been in a relationship for almost two years with a man who I love and who treats me like a princess. (And who is also aware of my sexuality.)

 

I don't call myself bi-curious anymore. Now I just call myself Bi. I am even out of the closet with my family.

 

I know your situation is a little different because you are happily married and don't have any desire to leave so you can be with women. But this could be a real opportunity for you two to learn and grow together and it could be really liberating for you.

[flower99]

Thank you Cynder Can I ask, how the open marriage caused the breakup?

[Cynder]

Thank you Cynder Can I ask, how the open marriage caused the breakup?

 

It's hard to explain I guess. I guess we just both realized (through seeing other people) that we weren't right for each other.

[louisecar]

I think it is great that you have been open with your husband about your sexuality. Have you thought about a threesome? Of course it can get messy but then if you have sex with a woman outside your marriage that could cause problems too. Then again maybe it won't.

 

Do you think your husband is saying you can be with a woman because he cares about your happiness or is he looking for an open marriage? These are things you need to be clear before starting anything with another woman.

 

If it is just about you experimenting and that you love your husband I would suggest you only have a one night stand with a woman/ women and do not having an ongoing sexual relationship with one as you would be risking developing feelings for someone other than your husband.

[abitbroken]

If you were perfectly happy with your husband, desired women at one time but had the mindset that you loved only him and were committed to him, I would be suspicious of this - that he is wanting to set a trap for you to cheat and then leave you/leave him. Anxiety attacks are not usually about sexuality. You said yourself that you have had anxiety attacks over your son and his welfare. That is not remotely about "wanting a woman."

 

Since you are married with a child, I say bringing another person into your marriage is not something you should do. It not only jeopardizes your marriage but your family. I think you should address with your husband why he would even bring it up (i mean, he might be trying to change the subject/get your off the idea of not thinking certain things are appropriate for your son or marital issues with a distraction).

[Unreasonable]

Introducing other people into a relationship usually ends in disaster. I guarantee you that will end with him thinking it's open season.

 

If you're not being "true to yourself" then that means you're a lesbian, not bi.

 

If you're bisexual it's just widening the field of people you're sexually attracted to and should have nothing to do with being able to commit and be content with your SO.

[flower99]

Thank you all for you advice & input, I really appreciate it! You've given me plenty to think about