How did your LDR start?

[jak3]

I met a fantastic woman over the weekend while I was visiting another city. We had a great night. Truly one of the best and it makes a pretty fantastic story. The problem is that she is a few hundred miles away.

 

We've texted and talked on the phone since then. I feel she's hesitant due to the distance and, quite frankly, so am I. Part of me wants to think that this has a chance to go somewhere. Another part is wondering if it was so great because neither one of us had anything to lose; put it all out there because I was leaving the day after I met her.

 

I plan on being back up in that area in June but that's a long way down the road. I have the ability to go up and see her sooner, I just don't know how that would come off?

 

The only other LDR I've done was pretty easy. We met on a Friday (same town) and were inseparable before I left on Sunday. She flew down to see me a month later. It was instant everything. So I'm trying to be smarter about this one than I was the last because I've been there before.

 

What would you do if you were me?

[mhowe]

Find someone geographically desireable.

 

LDR work when the base is established, and one person has to move away. And they are terminal...in that the length of the time apart has an end date.

 

It is virtually impossible to date someone who lives hours away. Because it either rushes the intimacy --- or stalls due to lack of face time. Real life face

time, not Skype.

[Batya33]

We dated several years earlier and we met up again when he was in my city for the summer. At the time he actually lived a 3 hour plane ride away. We decided to make a go of it knowing we would start out being exclusive and with the goal of seeing if we should get married. I knew going in that I probably would have to relocate. We managed to see each other about every 11 days and there were spans of a few months where we were in the same city. Had I not known him or been involved with him to the extent I had been in the past I would not have been long distance with him. We've been married and living together in the same city for the last 6 years or so.

[DancingFool]

My bf and I started out as an LDR. Several of my friends and their now spouses, same. No it doesn't have to start out as an established relationship for an LDR to work. However, it is a bit of a different animal in that you have to have enough interest to overcome the distance. You also have to have some concrete end point in terms of one person being able to move and close the distance. The world has shrunk a lot in terms of communications and travel capabilities.

 

Basically, if she is worth the effort, then make your wishes clear and go see her and date...as an LDR. Some things to think about is how feasible is travel to see each other financially and time wise, what is the end point? Can either of you move or are you both firmly tied to your job/location. If you are both tied, then there is no point in starting anything. Just like with anything, there is risk that things will fall apart. Then again, so can a local relationship.

 

If the person is worth it, then distance is a temporary inconvenience.

[superfan]

I live in Canada, and towards the end of my University program, took a trip to Scotland. Through a friend I had there, I met my (now) husband. He lived in a town just outside of Glasgow.

 

We kept in touch and eventually agreed to start dating with the stipulation that eventually one of us would be moving (either me to Scotland or him to Canada). We were both willing to do so (and I did briefly to go to Uni there for a year). Other than the year I lived there, we saw each other once every 6 months if we were lucky and spent the first year of our marriage (almost) on different continents. He arrived for good in Canada RIGHT before our one year anniversary.

 

Compared to that, a few hundred miles is really not that far.

 

But you have to have a plan, and you both have to be willing to be flexible. I am not saying you need to decided right now if you are going to marry her, but if things went well, would you be willing to move to be with her? Would she? These are questions that NEED to be addressed.

 

My husband moved to Canada with the stipulation that if it didn't work out or he was too homesick that I had to be willing to move back to the UK with him. And I am.

 

If that is something you ultimately think you couldn't do, then it isn't worth starting.

 

LDRs CAN work, but they need a different set of rules.

[piscesgal]

on tumblr we kept re blogging eachothers stuff which made us message eachother then we decided emailing (cos its easier) then when we had our first skype conversation it was magic.. we wasn't even flirting during emails or looking to be in a relationship. was just conversation... we fell quick and hard when the skyping started.

 

he's literally the boy version of me... my best friend ^.^

 

answer mine please?

[jak3]

Is she worth the effort? Right now, yes. Yes she is and I say that looking at my calendar with limited weekends between now and Easter, so it's not as though I have a lot of weekends to give to this.

 

Will a second time together yield a different result or feeling? That is entirely possible. But is it worth the risk? Yes.

 

So I guess the next step would be to bounce this idea off of her and see what she thinks?

[piscesgal]

aww ;3 i'm happy for you, i hope it works out you seem like a good guy. In my opinion make the effort yes put yourself out there, atleast you did everything you could have. you would have no "what if i did this or that" if she feels the same way she'd appreciate it!

[Snny]

My fiancé and I went to community college together, were best friends for a year before getting into a relationship (I was recovering from physical abuse in a prior relationship) before I transferred to a different school, moved out with family to a different state... Lived together for a couple years and got engaged... Then took a job for a year in a state that was 10 hours away. My education is always taking me places.

 

We stayed together through online game playing, skype, and visitation.

[pokey]

I met mine while visiting friends another state over one weekend, and it took me a really long time to figure out if I wanted to do the distance as well. It sounds like right now you guys are still getting to know each other, so trying it out won't be bad since you both have nothing to lose. After spending more time together I think you both will get a clearer idea of what to expect or how you want to go about your relationship.

 

Let me tell you, long distance is really tough and you don't realize it until you are in it. Everything comes down to communication and you have to be able to trust each other a lot, or there can be suffering involved. Don't get me wrong though, if the person is right for you and you guys can take it like mature adults- it can be a very fulfilling and lasting relationship that makes all the enduring worthwhile. Just have to make sure that both of you are willing to put forth the effort.

[Ryanna]

We had gone to junior high together & dated briefly, then dated seriously in high school, wound up living together, but being young, things didn't work out. (Bad choices on his part & lack of coping skills on mine.) After another co-habiting relationship ended, he & I just kinda fell back together. We are both, for each other, the only people who we've felt that feeling of "soulmates".

[lucasky]

My boyfriend and I met while I was interning in the states last summer. We dated in-person for a month, and then decided to try a LDR.

 

Like others have said, a plan to eventually be in the same place within a certain period of time is critical. Flexibility helps too. My boyfriend and I have been doing this about a year now, and I'll be moving down in a couple months for work - we knew that I would likely not be gone for longer than a year, so that helped!

 

Lots of visits, almost daily skype calls, daily communication overall (even if its just a quick text exchange), online games, and LDR "dates" have all made this pretty easy actually. It also helps that we both havea lot to work on school / career wise in our year apart - so we have lives and keep ourselves busy.

[OptomisticGirl]

On here, actually.

[Shily666]

I had an intellectual friend on Facebook who was friends with a very handsome young man born in Turkey and raised in Australia. I talked for a little bit, but he was like a normal person to me. A few months later, we began talking again, but this time I was with my previous ex. I began talking to him over Facebook. We roleplayed a lot and pretty soon, I was cheating on my previous ex and didn't notice (and my previous ex never found out). About two months later, me and my previous ex broke up. I felt depressed for a whole month and listened to nothing but Evanescence to help me move on.

 

I began talking to my now current boyfriend, the one in Australia, and he cheered me up. He was very loving, very sweet, kind, and understanding. He gave me advice on how to hook back up with my previous ex, although he did explain later that he just wanted to make me happy, but he hated the fact that I wanted to go back to my previous ex. I eventually gave up on my previous ex, and my current boyfriend and I just sort of had a moment and decided that we should get together. We officially hooked up on May 31st, 2013. It's been 10 months, and I still love him just as much as I did when we first got together. He's the love of my life and I plan on having a life with him in 2 years.