To Hell With Love And To Hell With Soulmates!

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

First of all, if I offend anyone with this thread, I deeply apologize.

 

But I wanted to create this for all those like me who used to believe in this true love and soulmate crap and have realized it's a bunch of snot turd.

 

Does anyone else feel that there are an odd number of people on Earth, leaving one of us without a soulmate, and you know it's you?

 

Anyone else hate themselves because they can't apporach a girl, can't even make eye contact with them, even though you are getting hints that she may like you?

 

Anyone else spend their whole lives, since as early as 6 years old, looking for true love, or at least a girlfriend/boyfriend, and have yet to have one?

 

Anyone else tired of waiting for love to fall on your lap, but are still too shy to make it happen for yourself?

 

Anyone else sick and friggin' tired of watching couples holding hands, snuggling and kissing while your best moment comes on page 64 of Jiggly Juggs Magazine? (not literally cum on page 64... never mind!)

 

Anyone else wish they had someone who loves them?

 

Has anyone else ever fallen in love, only to see her get married and forget all about your existence, even though you think about them every damn day?!

 

Anyone else wonder why people call you nice and sweet yet no one wants to ask you out?

 

Anyone else out there incredibly lonely?

[Cloud802]

That used to be me. The only thing I can say is that you shouldn't give up that easily, but I bet you won't listen to me.

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

Things happen for a lot of reasons. Sometimes it is a bit harsh upon us, sometimes a bit mild for us.

 

I have realise that the world is not balanced from the start. U know some of us thou are paired have very bad soulmates who gambled, who drank, who slept around and despair.

 

I am very much single and not attached, neither am i married. I suffer a little bit of loneliness at times. But i keep happy for goals in my life, what i wan to be what i am keen in. I realise to spend my life wallowing on this sort of thing is just simply NOT worth it. Trust me, it wont.

 

I have nothing much for u. I am not here to answer all ur questions. But i am here to tell u that u are fine where u are. U may feel lonely sometimes, but u are not alone. Some of ur married friends arent that married after all. Thanks..

[sidhat]

Just think there is somebody in this world waiting for you.. Love yourself and be kool.. dress up kool.. and 1 thing attract everybody is SMILE.. Just think the good time will come soon..

 

GOOD LUCK..

[hatepr]

Sorry to know that u r feeling this way... this may help u a bit -- >>

I dont know what it is to b at that age and have such a feeling, but i think that u are going through all this ( as set up by god ), to find urself a love.. which u wud in the future.. just persist for the love u want. when u will finally get there (u wud), then u wud realise what god wanted, to give u someone really special who will b what is called a soulmate and u wud realise that this person will love u very deeply...

thus theres something about the soulmate thing. Right now, just dont lose hope, theres definitely someone just as odd as u (some girl thinking the same about herself) who wud b there for u,... soon enough.

[Caldus]

Kyoshiro Ogari,

 

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. It must be a lot different at your age. So what exactly is preventing you from meeting women? What exactly is preventing you from enjoying your life? Actually, that second question should be answered first because once you can solve that while being single, love will come to you when you aren't looking. People will notice if you aren't enjoying your life. You've probably heard the same stuff a thousand times by now, but it is absolutely essential that you gain confidence in yourself and that you have other goals and aspirations in life. Otherwise, you are probably going to be like that for a very long time. What kind of hobbies do you have? What kind of environment are you in?

 

If it makes you feel any better, I haven't found love yet either in my life but at least I've gotten out there a lot more this year and been on several dates and made some new friends. Sure, they weren't successful dates, but the more you get out there, the more you will be enjoying life itself. And that in itself is more important than finding love. Are you not confident with how you look? Are you not confident with something else? What is it that is preventing you from enjoying life?

[Starkitty]

You may have already met some of your soulmates. You can have more than one and they can even be family and friends.

Something I learned lately is that self love and being yourself is very important! Otherwise you'll attract the wrong type of people into your life.

You will find someone! There is someone for everyone! Someone who will teach you more and more about yourself.

Are you looking after you? Do you give yourself as much time as you do others? Do you treat yourself with the same respect as you would with your dream girl? Look after number one first otherwise you won't have the energy to look after anyone else.

[Day_Walker]

It seems that you have taken things too far and you seem bitter. For example i dont believe in soulmates or true love but the thought of people couples doing things that couples do doesnt disgust me. I think that you need to find a new way of looking at things, instead of being mad at something you dont have, you need to realize how things really are. You have to come to the conclusion that you may never get married, have kids or do anything else that people are "supposed" to do with their lives. You have to realize that these things are perfectly normal and okay. Dont feel that you need to have these things to live a complete life. You should think through this and learn not to be so upset because things havent gone the way they are "supposed" to go. Take a new approach and live you life in the moment and after that moment is gone then its over. The idea is to keep moving forward and keep learning from the situations you have been in. Most importantly have fun and dont worry about wut is supposed to happen instead enjoy each situation you are in.

[wlfpack81]

You have to come to the conclusion that you may never get married, have kids or do anything else that people are "supposed" to do with their lives. You have to realize that these things are perfectly normal and okay.

 

But what if you WANT to get married and have kids. Additionally also sooner or later you probably want to have sex right? Well personally I really don't want to have to break down and get my first experience with some hooker on some street corner.

 

And that is a sad realization to have to come to for some people. It's that kind of crap that would drive someone to suicide seriously as that's not a fun future to look forward to. Wanting someone to love and love you back (not family/friend love but that romantic love) is a natural feeling most people have and not being able to achieve that goal sucks.

[ShySoul]

I know just how you feel. All the things you listed I feel too. It's hard when you don't have somebody special, someone to hold and to love. You wonder if you'll ever have someone to care about you, to understand you like no one else ever has. It's lonely and depressing. But you have to have hope. Hope will carry you through the roughest times. And when that day finally comes when you do find love you won't care about all the hurt or lonliness you felt. If anything the waiting will make the love all that much sweeter. You'll cherish the love so much more.

 

You never know what the future holds. You never know when love will find you. It could happen at any moment with any person. But first you need to be happy with yourself. Don't think about finding love, let love find you. It will happen when its right. And it could happen at any minute. Don't give up.

 

"But keep on lookin' 'cause maybe who you're lookin' for is...

Somebody in the next car

Somebody on the morning train

Somebody in the coffee shop

That you walk right by everyday

Somebody that you look at

But never really see

Somewhere out there is somebody"

"Somebody" - Reba McEntire

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Thanks for all of your kind words, but I still don't believe in fate. It's hogwash, and you know what gets in the way of fate: looks!

 

Case in point. If I were good looking, I would've had someone by now. I am painfully shy, so I cannot go out to clubs or bars and meet women. And even if I did, I am in the lower end of the looks department over there. I mean come on, if I were to approach a woman at a bar, me out of 100s of guys, would she pick me? No. Would she talk to me? Yes, because I'm funny, but all the while she'll scope out the other good looking guys and probably find an excuse to excuse herself from our conversation and talk to him. I know what you're thinking, this is an imaginary scenario that's unrealistic. Well is it really?

 

But I've seen guys with the same problem as me and they find someone, and what's the difference between us? He's good looking and I am not.

 

Point blank, if I was handsome, I would have had a girlfriend. Everyone who knows me likes me, so what's the problem with me? I smile all the time, I'm friendly, giving, even mischevous, and what has that gotten me? My left hand and Playboys on friday nights, and my right hand and Penthouse on saturdays. I'm sick of it. Why the hell should I live if no woman will love me for who I am?

 

There was this gorgeous guy who worked with a friend of mine. All the girls went out of their way to meet him. He can easily find his soulmate because there right there waiting for him. I can't even dress up nice and compete with handsome guys. If you plant roses around a pile of doo doo, you still have a pile of doo doo. So why even bother trying!

 

It makes me sick with the terrible luck I have. Everytime I am around a woman who I think is "the one", there is one or more handsome guys around our circle, and she goes for him. Oh sure, I'm funny and sweet and kind and all that other garbage they feed me. So what does that make me, their sideshow monkey? Everyone tells me to be myself. Well myself cracks jokes, makes everyone feel better, listens to their problems, is generous, loving, quiet and a hopeless romantic... oh yeah, and ugly as all hell!!!

 

Soulmates? BAH! God Bless all of you who found them, and I bet you're all handsome/pretty. Attraction is part of it, right? I'm a magnet covered in moss, I can't attract a damn thing.

[Caldus]

Case in point. If I were good looking, I would've had someone by now. I am painfully shy, so I cannot go out to clubs or bars and meet women. And even if I did, I am in the lower end of the looks department over there. I mean come on, if I were to approach a woman at a bar, me out of 100s of guys, would she pick me? No. Would she talk to me? Yes, because I'm funny, but all the while she'll scope out the other good looking guys and probably find an excuse to excuse herself from our conversation and talk to him. I know what you're thinking, this is an imaginary scenario that's unrealistic. Well is it really?

 

Probably true, but that is only applicable to the bars and clubs. Do you really think you'll meet your soulmate at a place like that? Probably not.

 

The rest of your post is not sounding good at all. No offense, but I really think a big reason why you aren't attracting women is because you don't seem to have much confidence in yourself. I've seen a lot of less handsome looking guys get women. It's not impossible. But the first thing you need to do is start having some more confidence and stop talking like you're a victim. Keep your head up and have some faith in yourself. I can understand why you feel this way and why you have this kind of attitude, but now it's time to change that attitude.

 

You never answered my previous questions to you. What other hobbies do you have? What kind of environment are you in? Why not try and stop worrying about women 100% of the time? You're just wasting energy that could be put to good means in my opinion.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

You never answered my previous questions to you. What other hobbies do you have? What kind of environment are you in? Why not try and stop worrying about women 100% of the time? You're just wasting energy that could be put to good means in my opinion.

 

Sorry about that. Well, I write science fiction and cartoons. Basically this is what I do. I go to work, come home, surf the net and fall asleep (along with my quote at the bottom of my posts) I occasionally go out to the movies, never a bar since I don't drink, and rarely a club because I am terribly shy in crowds. And the clubs I go to are littered with hunks, so I am already in the hole. I hang around Times Square & The Village in NYC on friday nights, browsing the stores and such. That's basically it.

 

Are you not confident with how you look? Are you not confident with something else? What is it that is preventing you from enjoying life?

No way. I know I'm ugly, but I try to play it off like I look ok, doing things to try and make me look better, smiling more than I normally would. And I am confident with my sense of humor, but that's gotten me as far as turtles walking on crazy glue. Basically, I can't enjoy life because I'm extremely lonely and afraid time is running out.

 

If it makes you feel any better, I haven't found love yet...

Um, I may despise my situation, but I do not wish this on others, so no this does not make me feel better, only share your pain to whatever degree it is.

[Ceema-k]

Kyoshiro, I hate to break it to you, but if only handsome/beautiful people hooked up, the world population be decreasing rather than increasing. Truckloads upon truckloads of average and even ugly people hook up every day and some even decide to get married and start families and breed more homely spawn to clutter up the planet.

 

[tongue planted firmly in cheek here, folks]

 

Well, what can I say, except you are definitely not alone in your sentiments. For every happy couple you see there are probably 10 lonely singles yearning for just a taste of love and companionship. I think it's great you're venting your frustrations. god knows I've done a lot of that in the past year. I just hope you don't let the bitterness stick to your heart.. because when yo vent, you're supposed to cleanse. Once you're all vented out, you gotta get back out there into the thick of things and just try your best to take control of your life.

 

Every single person on earth goes through the same twisted game called dating. It's a tricky game, but with some effort you will play it and eventually.. hopefully... learn to love it.

[ShySoul]

Looks aren't the problem, attidude and confidence are. Looks are just a convient excuse. Physical attraction varies with every indivual, not all woman find the same guys attractive. I've yet to hear a clear consensus on what is handsome or attractive. Each person has there own tastes. There have probably been woman who have found you attractive but either your shyness prevented things from going further, or they were too shy to speak out themselves. And do you really expect to find a meaningful relationship in a bar or club?

 

It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think you are ugly and unattractive, that is the image you'll give off to woman. This makes it unlikely you will find somebody. If you don't believe in soulmates, that will make it virtually impossible to find one. Yes, finding that special someone is hard

and can make you want to scream. But we only truly become alone the moment we give up hope.

[violetsky]

I have to say I concur with ShySoul on this subject...attractiveness is definitely not all physical. Two very different cases to illustrate:

 

I have a friend (female) who is not that attractive...she's not ugly, but is very plain, almost what you could call "frumpy." But there's something about her personality...she is confident, strong-willed, lively...and she is married to the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my life...broad shoulders, strong chin, black hair, green eyes...he's awesome, and he thinks she's awesome, too.

 

Another case: Another friend (also female) is one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen--half-Latina, long black hair, beautiful brown eyes, tall, slender, sweet disposition, just a beautiful, beauitful girl...but no self-esteem whatsoever for years. She thought she was the ugliest girl on the planet. In high school she never, never dated...and NO ONE noticed her, even though she was so beautiful. Then she started to sing in public, and people heard her beautiful voice. She gained confidence, got a different attitude, and began to feel good about herself. Now she SHINES...and she realizes that she truly is a beauty. Now, men notice her wherever she goes. She didn't suddenly change in the looks department...she just realized she had something to offer the world.

[Shinobie]

ya im kidn of like u man but not as bad as i used to be.I am too incredibly lonely and have been looking for love for a long time but cant even get the nerve to walk up too a girl and talk.I too dodge looking at girls that look really pretty because im far to ugly for them.I do a lot of things that u do man hopefully i jsut get the nerve to do more then i have been doing.Ah o well i just stay home and play games to keep my mind off these things.Good luck man and just try to be easier on yourself ive been trying hard too but it doesnt work to well

[PAdreamer]

Here's the thing. You can't assume that because you don't go to bars and clubs that you won't ever meet anyone. I never go to bars or clubs. I rarely get out of the house to a social event. I met my guy online. Now that's not to say that everyone should meet people online. But you need to expand your horizons a bit. In all honesty you COULD meet the love of your life just browsing stores or walking down the street.

 

You're taking a positive step in not letting the way you feel about your appearance stop you. But you really do need to gain confidence in yourself. Looks are only so important. The type of person who will love you and cherish you will not be as concerned about your appearance as they will be about who you TRULY are. And you also have to consider that the way you percieve yourself is VERY different than the way others can percieve you. I don't particularly like the way I look, but I often get positive comments about my appearance. *shrug* You never know.

[incredble]

love is worth waiting for, the longer u wait, the better it is.

[wheelie]

Dear KO,

 

You gotta take the pressure off this whole soulmate/true love business. You are correct in that it is a huge line of crap - there's any number of women you can be close to, in many different ways, who you can enjoy and who will enjoy you. You also gotta stop worrying about girls' reactions/desires, because you can't control that.

 

Here's how to transform this:

 

From now on, your job is merely to enjoy yourself in your transactions with women. No more judging yourself against any other guys or ripping yourself over whatever you allegedly aren't doing -- EVER! Notice that you are a warm, loving, sexual man who enjoys the company of women, and then experiment with enjoying every single interaction you have with a girl. Any girl. With ZERO consideration as to whether she is your type, or your soulmate, or whether she'll go out with you, or home with you, or ANYTHING beyond this present moment.

 

Then go have fun with absolultely zero expectations. Even a tiny little, eensy bit of fun. It's not to get you laid -- it's just practice.

 

Pick a girl, any girl, and decide you are going to enjoy one single line of conversation with her. Say you're at Starbucks. "Excuse me, are you done with that newspaper?" You get to look at her and be in close proximity and have her attention for a moment. "Yes, do you want to read it?" 'Yes, thanks." Then sit down, shut up -- mission accomplished.

 

And what if she says, "F*#k off, as*%@$^?" She probably won't! But in the unlikely event she does, she's reacting to her own crap that has nothing to do with you, and you can rejoice that she's about to be out of your life forever. Then go ask someone else.

 

Next time, you can add something -- bring your own paper, for example, and offer some chick the Arts section. Watch what she turns to, wait a little while, and then ask her something about what's in the article. She doesn't pick up on it? Not your problem, because you have zero at stake here.

 

Remember, this is NOT about results -- it's about you getting comfortable with yourself and getting different experiences to build on. If you really go in with no thought of results, it will end up making you very attractive as you get more and more comfortable, and more likely to stay in the moment and not freeze when escalation possiblities come up.

 

When you can happily enjoy short convos with women without any thoughts to results, then it's time to volunteer. Yes, really. It can be anything -- an environmental org, or maybe ushering at concert, or part of an arts/sports thing you're curious about, or even something religious/spiritual if that's legit for you, but make it something you personally think is worth having happen in the world even if you didn't make a dime off it or meet even one chick.

 

They'll give you some task to perform -- which will give you an excuse to talk to people -- and you'll meet people who give a cr*p about other people AND who share your values/artistic tastes. And there, dear K, if you keep showing up and getting into it, you eventually will find a soulmate.

 

Good luck (and stay warm in all this snow).

[Softmoonlight]

well use the internet mr. computer man! my bf and i of 5 years met online, and he is also painfully shy, and would barely talk for weeks when we first met! but when you start to get to know someone, the shyness fades away, and you open up a part of yourself you didn't realize was closed.

 

and by the way, soulmates aren't people we'll meet on earth, at least in my opinion. i believe we all have twin souls, but rarely are we on earth at the same time, and rarer still that we'll meet them.

 

there are a variety of people that will fit with you. any relationship can turn into something wonderful if people will make the effort, and truly want things to work.

 

don't give up just yet...you may be surprised to know there are many females living the life you live, and hoping a nice, sweet and shy man will sweep them off their feet!

[Spartan1]

There is no such thing as soul mates. There is such a thing as perspective.

 

For some people who fall in love it may feel like that but it all boils down in the long term to compatability and each relationship is unique. How many married couple with kids are truly happy? Not that many nowdays from what I have encounted. To many wives feeling unloved, to many husbands feeling they need space. Finding what is termed a soul mate is the wrong way to go about things. Even if you meet someone it could all be over in a few years. Peoples expectations are way to high nowdays. The grim reality is a lot of people go through life never having anything more than a fleeting relationship. There are many lonely folk out there who know what the grim reality is.

 

But it is no excuse for self pitying. It is nice to reflect about the absurdity of it all from time to time but never spend to much time dwelling on it or it will drive you nuts.

 

There is only one thing in life worth doing. Self improving. It has nothing do with "six packs, good looks, wealth and all that crap plainer folk use as an excuse for not meeting people". And sorry to sound harsh but it is an excuse.

 

People give up to easily. They put it down to fate, to feeling rejected by the cosmos, the god they worship, women (and men) in general and life.

 

If you want love. You don't look for it. As soon as you look for it you mind begins to measure success in relation to time. Don't believe me? Sit down and do ABSOLUTLY nothing for three hours and guess exactly when those three hours are up.

 

Think of that as a metaporh for your life. Three hours is a long time doing nothing..waiting for something and getting it most probably wrong.

 

Instead, work on yourself. Find hobbies, keep on talking to women like you are doing, you are a funny guy and that is your strength. Use it. Don't ever give up on it. Clubs and bars don't work? Train yourself up to chat to women anywhere and anytime.

 

You have probably had this kind of advice given to you time and time again. You have probably read it hundreds of times in your search for love.

 

I know how you feel. Blimey, the number of times I just think I have had enough.

 

I ain't ugly either just a plain looking lad. I am 33 years old, divorcee, two years older than you. I got myself down the gym, worked out to feel good, then worked on the other aspects of life.

 

One of the guys I encourage down the gym is 37 and weighs 23 stone, wears glasses and describes himself as plain. Yet he has the humour and never say die attitude that gets him more success with women than I do! He is a legend in my eyes because he never gives in. He has my respect.

 

Wealth is not the key. Looks are not the key. They help but they are not the secret to finding someone you can call a soulmate. Confidence, humour, looking after yourself physically, mentally and spiritually and most importanly never giving up is the way forward. Anything else is self pitying and a waste of time....

 

tick..tock....

 

And yes. In the past I spent a few Saturdays in staring at the ceiling and wishing something would just happen to an ugly bloke like me. It is how you use your time is the most important thing.

 

Women are generally attracted to confidence, humour, self-sufficiency, a bit of empathy, looking after yourself physically and a positive attitude. Good looks and wealth are nice wrapping but that's all they are.

 

Spartan

[Caldus]

I totally agree with Spartan. I think it's important that you don't go searching too hard for love because then you will create a time limit for yourself and it will drive you crazy. You will also have very high expectations for your "soulmate".

[Fretless]

Sit down and do ABSOLUTLY nothing for three hours and guess exactly when those three hours are up.

 

What a coincidence! That's exactly what I did yesterday. I did it about eight times.

[chanceit]

with reference to the title of this thread

 

To Hell With Love And To Hell With Soulmates!

 

Good call!!!

 

No seriously people - True love and solemates don't exist - and if you're searching for it you are looking for something thats not there. Sad but true.

 

I would say use what little control you have over your own life to have fun and a good time don't waste it looking for something that doesn't exist.