First contact with my EX in two days!!! need help on dos and dont's

[TomMacko]

I just thought that her actually making an effort to meeting me may be a good sign, that there is room to communicate and maybe get closer to reconciliation... I thought that by preparing an actual surprise and making a new memory would put some positive energy in all of that. I understand why you're saying what you're saying... but NC is just not working out sofar for either of us. Perhaps 4 months apart was enough for emotions to settle a little. I think that I have certainly come a long way in many things.

I'm sorry you think this is sad... ...and maybe you're right, and I'm heading straight towards another punch in the face... I'm sorry to disappoint you Sharky, it's just that I'm tired of fighting all of this on my own... And maybe I'm clinging on to any drop of hope I may see. Probably am. But I'm just tired and confused by all that has been going on in my life the past 4-5 months... She fell in love with my once... And I'm working hard to be better than I was even then.... I don't know, I was sorry to read your post... Just wanted to share

[Shane Falco]

Dude, NC isn't working because you aren't actually trying it. Whenever she says anything, you jump like a puppy. But yeah dude, you are just repeating the same cycle. She finally "gets around" to talking to you and you come up with a sneak-attack picnic idea? Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad. And "I miss you" does not mean the same thing as "I made a mistake and want you back". Complete rookie mistake on your part.

[TomMacko]

Hi everyone!

 

I thought it would be a good idea to update, and I really do appreciate your concerns. We ended up meeting on tuesday, as I had to go to a doctors appointment on Wednesday and I called her about it, and as we rescheduled for thursday, it turned out that we were really close by to one another and decided to meet up. It was a good idea to be spontaneous as both of us were able to be a lot more honest with one another. We grabbed a quick drink, and walked around for a while. She still insisted, that I have to heal from my anxiety disorder without her in the picture, and that she dosent want to think about the future right now.

She shows signs of depression, and I really think she could use some counceling, but it's not my place to even suggest that. We touched alot of issues that happened leading up to the breakup, the nature of the fights, symptoms of breakdown she wasnt clear about. And she really opened up, admitting to how have/had all the important things. her reason for being apart is that so many things happened that made our life together hard... ...also admitting to still having feelings for me. And that she was afraid of me, because she thought my condition was different (aggressive). Once she saw, I wasn't aggressive at all, and asked about how I was working on my anxiety and so on, she started to open up.

 

When saying goodbye, we had a very intimate moment when she grabbed me and pulled me to her, then she held my hands and pulled me back, telling me to call next week and set up another meeting, so we can talk through our issues, that may help both of us get over all that has happened. She also kept saying she dosen't know what she wants. Both my psycologist and my psychiatrist said, that this was a good idea for us both, even if it will not lead to reconciliation. I definitely see this as an opportunity to get the skeletons out of my head, and maybe get back together, the emotions are still there, and she is finally willing to communicate. And if there is nothing left for us together, at least it I hope to get some closure, and maybe this will help me let go of my grief for the child that we lost, and for the mistakes we made at the end of the relationship.

 

Cheers to you all!

[sharky988]

 

 

The only closure you'll get from this girl is when you finally accept that she's using you to get over you.

[Shane Falco]

And round and round the merry-go-round goes.

[TomMacko]

All right, from the experience of the past few days... I did feel like crap quite a bit, relived alot of happy memories which made me feel miserable. On the upside, I was proud that I was only feeling sad, without any panic attacks or an extreeme sense of anxiety. So at least one part of the problems in my life are seeming to come together very nicely. Going back to work on Tuesday, and I am really looking forward to it, except for my 2 week training at the overseas HQ of the company, which might be a little stressful as I am terrified of flying. But a change of scenario should be nice to take my mind off of things. We agreed to talk on the phone, about what happened exactly to us, this afternoon. I will try to keep the conversation short, I'll just tell her we'll talk when I get back, and I will resume NC until she decides to contact me. I really did feel like some damn puppy that was thrown out on the streets these past few days... ...which will not help me get myself together emotionally, or make her miss me. This is just way too hard, I was never good with girls... But I am hoping that the fact that she is still not over me is a good sign, and that she dosen't understand what happened is a good sign, that the feelings are still there, but they are mixed with too much hurt and trauma... gonna give this more time... and I cannot make an ass out myself anymore. Even though I negotiate and talk to people to earn my living, I have to realize that this is not a situation that I can resolve with good salesmanship.

 

Guess we all learn through our mistakes... but I do feel like an idiot right now... and that's not helping anyone...

[Shane Falco]

You need to resume NC and keep it even if she does contact you. You both need significant separation from each other and you need to work on yourselves individually and that can't happen if you answer like an obedient pet every time she gets a whim and messages you. The fact that she isn't over it yet doesn't mean anything other than she might try to use you to get over you, which is a basic technique in the dumper playbook. You need to show some backbone and not allow that to happen. She wanted to be broken up, so give her what she wants and stay away.

 

To give you a real-life example of what I'm talking about, I was at happy hour with a friend of mine last week and we were talking about his friend and his inability to get over his ex-girlfriend. For a year, this friend, like you, has pretty much bent over backwards whenever his ex-girlfriend gets bored and contacts him, insisting every time that his ex has "changed" and that they'll get back together. And every time this girl gets her fix and disappears until she is bored again. My friend has tried to get this guy to wise up and move past this girl, but he never does. After discussing this and other similar situations, we come to the conclusion that this guy will never get where he wants to go because his girlfriend doesn't respect him and because she can get whatever she wants without having to make any sort of effort.

 

As we are discussing this, an attractive blonde within earshot interjects because she found our perspective "fascinating". I asked her if she thought we were wrong or had a different perspective to add and she thought we were 100 percent correct. She went on to tell us about guys she friendzoned or broke up with being overly eager to respond to her when she'd contact them (which she'd do out of boredom or just to be friendly) and how it was a complete turnoff to her and how her friends generally thought the same thing. She basically said my friend (and you by proxy) had no chance at success because you were just too eager, too accommodating, too weak to stand on your own two feet, basically everything that's been said to you on this site. This is info from the source -- please stop doing what you are doing. When you go NC, stay NC and move forward. Make her have to run to catch up to you if she so chooses. And if she doesn't, then you are in position to meet someone else.

 

I know I'm wasting my time typing this because you are just going to do this same pointless stuff you have been doing, but maybe some real-world perspective from a random woman will allow it to actually sink in.

[Ms Darcy]

Shane gives the best advice in the business. All I would add is that your healing is up to you. Healing means getting her out of your life. As long as she stays, you'll continue to feel this back and forth and feel like you are on a string. Healing doesn't mean you can't ever get back together. What it means is that you'll get some distance from the situation and really move on; from there, YOU have the power to decide if she is the right one for you.

[Ms Darcy]

Shane gives some of the best advice in the business. All I would add is that your healing is up to you. Healing means getting her out of your life. As long as she stays, you'll continue to feel this back and forth and feel like you are on a string. Healing doesn't mean you can't ever get back together. What it means is that you'll get some distance from the situation and really move on; from there, YOU have the power to decide if she is the right one for you.

[Shane Falco]

By the way, that same woman gave me her number and we have a date scheduled for Tuesday Moving forward and standing on your own two feet has its benefits. /notsohumblebrag

[TomMacko]

You both are completely right, this talking through things set me back alot. Work, sports, and the fact that I've been panic attack free for a month gives me strength. But emotionally I'm still nowhere. I'm not going to contact her after I get back from the business trip next week, I have my final exams for my masters coming up. Juggling work and finals will be just enough to handle without her in the picture. I feel soo damn stupid right now. All day when I keep busy I feel pretty good, sure she is on my mind all the time, but I can live with it. Only when I'm alone at night (right now)... I feel completely destroyed. She was the best thing that happened to me my entire life, and the fact that she ended it the way she did, and all the bullsh*** that she has been saying since just kind of makes every memory feel so absurd. How can someone change so much in so little time? Anyway, the next two months will be plenty stressful without her emotionally destablizing me. I have to really do this. I know you are both right. She clearly has no intention of coming back sofar, though I really didn't give her a chance to miss me, or show enough backbone... or any for that matter. I don't know what feels worse, me acting like a total idiot and constantly acting on my emotions and hopes... ..or all that rejection. I'll just try to do it day by day. Not counting the days... I have to forget the life we had somehow... I just don't know how to let go of the hope of having her in my life again....

 

There is a girl that's interested in me. She is actually cute, I did consider to start dating her to keep my mind off my ex. It just seems so unfair to this girl. I know I won't fall in love with her, as I'm still in love with my ex, and I don't want to hurt anyone the way that i've been hurt. On the other hand, how long should I sit on my ass waiting for her to come around? Maybe it could heal me emotionally to be wanted by someone who I did like once a long time ago and still share a connection with... or maybe it will make my ex jelous enough to start thinking about our relationship (and this would be the case that would make me something I really don't want to be). I AM COMPLETELY CLUELESS. Sorry again just venting. But I don't want to feel like such an amazingly huge IDIOT again....

 

So with the ex... no contact till A) I am over her or B) she comes around clearly stating she wants to come back, right?

 

and B) what should I do with this girl? I feel like there are no good choices here.... I was horrible with my private life my entire life. Work, school, stress, social life, sports... never a problem... but when it comes to my lovelife, I am about as competent as an orangutan on a space shuttle...

Sorry, just venting.

[sharky988]

With the ex: no contact.

 

You've blocked her everywhere, online and off? Your phone, email, Facebook and all social media sites? Block her -- don't just unfriend or delete. If you use a site that doesn't allow you to block people, disable that site.

 

As to this other girl? Huge mistake to even consider dating other people right now, but then your whole breakup history has been one mammoth gaping ERROR of humanity..... just really awful that you'd even consider that at this point, much less involve someone else in trying to make your ex jealous -- ? Oy..... it's like watching a multi-car pileup in slow motion.....

[littlebird]

Macko! Get studying!! Those Masters finals are very important, you will never forgive yourself if you screw them up. I bet the course was not cheap either, from my experience with Masters level education.

 

I have a big professional exam coming up, and the bloody break up has been screwing up my studying for some time. But I've been hitting the books hard recently. I also work full time. So I completely understand how much you have on your plate.

 

Make excelling in these exams your primary goal for now. Put all that energy you were sticking into trying to get your ex back into hard work on your studies. Really concentrate. Plus you have the job to perform at as well.

 

I know how hard it is to stop thinking about your ex. I mean, both if us are on this forum quite a bit for instance. Not to mention the time we spend offline mulling things over and over. But i noticed that when I'm in client meetings or going over complex formulae, I can't afford to think about my ex. So honest advice, get busy!! You have come so far, and you will be even more proud of yourself for achieving your educational and career goals.

[TomMacko]

Hehe, nice comparison. I know. That's my gut feeling too, that's what kept me from initiating any contact with this other girl. Correct, she has been blocked everywhere. That's one of the reasons I feel so confused right now... What do you mean by mammoth gaping ERROR of humanity? Me being an idiot, or her indifference towards what I've been through? Or both?

[sharky988]

All I meant is that, so far, you've done exactly the WRONG thing, each and every step of the way.

 

So.... no biggie! Hahahahhaa

 

Just start, today, doing the right thing. You've got your ex blocked, so there's no more need to worry about future contact. Now the focus can start to turn to where it should be: on YOU, on your healing and feeling better so you can start to recover and ultimately move past this.

 

But really... no more contact.

 

If you just focus on that one thing: no more contact..... then everything else will work itself out.

 

You CAN and WILL get over this. But it's up to you to stick to No Contact.

[TomMacko]

Hi everyone!

 

I just got back from my overseas business trip, and thought to update. Getting away from everything and the change of scenery helped me alot to break my cycle of obsession, and during the weekend I had plenty of time, to walk around and explore Boston... I've been there a few times, but I was mostly at the company and around Massachusets, never had much time to explore. It was the most amazing day of my life. The city was wonderful too. But I think what really made it special is the time, privacy and anonimity I had. I was just there, in that moment, wondering around a beautyful and unknown city, contemplating my feelings, toughts and enjoying everything that surrounded me. It's been a little shorter than 2 weeks of NC, not counting the days. Not doing anything. I was in the harbor, on the USS Constitution, which is like a more than 200 year old battleship. It was one of the most amazing things I ever seen/experienced. And right then and there, I had this thought, of how much I would want to share/give her the joy that I was feeling. And I'm hoping this comes off right on "paper", but somehow I felt all the anger, resentment, rejection and pain kinda left me. All I had left in me, is the feeling of how much I love her, and that if I truly do love her, and want her to have joy in her life. It's time to let go. Begging, and being on the backburner does not help me move on, or her to appreciate me for my real values. I was still full of so much pain, and negative emotions and desperation a week ago. And somehow I feel my perspective changed. I was going to marry this girl, loved her dearly, and even if she wants none of this, and if she never will. I can still appreciate all these feelings that we shared for a while, and it still gave me alot of positive energy to have these emotions, because I can still love, even after getting my sh*t together the past few months from my breakdown.

 

I am healing, physically, mentally, emotionally. I have no intention of contacting her, I know how I feel towards her, I know what I have acomplished.. and starting to know my worth. No more words to stay here from my side. Really am feeling good. Every day is getting easier. I know how I feel, but not running towards her anymore. I did get a text from her (I do not know how, as I specifically remember blocking her on my phone). She told me that she thought a lot about me, and she hopes I'm doing good on the business trip, and to go get them... I read the text and deleted it. I want quiet time, focus on my job, my exams. I don't need superficial encouragement. Going strong on NC. I deserve more than being her puppy. I feel I'm improoving. And as time passes, if she dosen't change her mind, sooner or later, when I feel im emotionally independent and strong again, I can always look for someone else. I just need to chill. I'm reading a lot of self impoovement books lately, and found a lot of inspiring quotes, and I think this one was the one that really kind of changed my perspective: If you love something, Set it free… If it comes back, it’s yours, If it doesn’t, it never was yours…. ~ Kahlil Gibran

[sharky988]

I'm glad to hear that you're healing and things are getting easier for you now -- good job!

 

I think you need to make sure she's really blocked on your cell phone, though. If she was able to get through with a breadcrumb once, it's almost certain she'll be doing it again at some point. Even better would be getting a new number!

 

It sounds like everything you're doing right now is moving in the right direction -- towards healing, towards achieving your own goals. New love will come, later. For now, it's just about feeling better and getting YOURSELF back on track.

 

Keep up the good work -- and keep posting!

[TomMacko]

Thank you for the encouragement Sharky!

 

Weekends are always harder. But things are definitely getting alot more bearable. I decided to enjoy my life, and sofar I have a lot more of happy moments. Interesting how much changing my perspective can shift my attitude towards life. A little nervous about my exams, but I decided not to stress too much over it. Just see things through, and let things be the way they need to be. I guess this is what I realized I was doing wrong in my life in the first place. I was too forceful to do everything right and meet my goals and forgot about enjoying the ride, and not stressing/obsessing over what has to be. This is of course something that is very typical of people with anxiety disorders, but I do not want to hide behind the anxiety. Attitude, anxiety it's in one's mind, therefore, everyone has the power to fight it, and "unthink" yourself from it.

 

Not contacting her, and forcing myself to not think about next contact kind of set me free in a way. I still think alot about her. But what I am feeling changed, is that I'm working on letting go of the relationship that we had. Strip away all the anger, rejection and the negatives and just be greatful for what is left. What I had to learn, realize is the difference between possessing someone, and loving someone. I truly love her, but if it's not meant to be, I still have to able to live my life and enjoy it. Trying to let go, and still genuinely caring gives me energy too... ... Though I'm not sure if this is the way I should feel when doing real NC. But it makes me feel really good about myself and people around me are noticing it as well. Getting positive vibes from people around me. It helps alot. We'll see where this gets me a few weeks/months from now.

 

It's really hard from time to time, not that I'm clutching on to my phone or anything. I just really miss her. Sundays are always the hardest. But I definitely feel, that my week abroad and this quiet time is helping me alot. So it's one week to the next. Actually Sharky, you're probably right, but I really want to be honest. The fact that I finally had the strenght to resist that little breadcrumb she sent me, actually gave me strength. Finally I was able so say no. A text message?.... Too little, too late. I need to know my worth. Others need to see it, she needs to know that I'm not there at the end of a leash. The fact that I know, that I haven't responded really gave me back some of my self respect. Work helps alot too.

 

So another week down, looking forward to the next one. Little anxious about the exams, so I really need to start studying. But that aside, it should be an eventful week. You all have a great Sunday!

[TomMacko]

Hollly crap.... very bad day today. Details don't really matter, things out of my control at the Uni putting my exams in danger... (piece of advice, never decide to finish the last year of your masters in night school and jump start your career, even if it's at the same university same degree and everything, it'll take more time, more money. For me, it came with a huge career advantage, but if you read through this thread, or my previous one, it wasn't worth the price) I miss her like hell. I WILL NOT CALL HER, I keep staring into the void from my balcony and trying to rationalize what's happening here. I told her what I want, how I feel, back off, move forward, let her run after me for a change. I'm very frustrated with myself. 5 months passed still feel the same about her. This girl asked me out on facebook yesterday. Serious what the **** moment in my life, this has never happened to me before. She's smart and kind, she's not my type at all, but I thought about hanging out with her, not wanting to get into anything and just talk to someone who dosen't know too much about me. But then that feeling hit me again, that what if.... I really don't want to get involved with this girl, but even hanging out with someone for a few drinks feels like I'm cheating. (I know how retarded this sounds, just want to be completely honest) But then again, if she dosen't ever come back, I have to get comfortable talking to new people. I have no clue what to do with myself. I WILL NOT CONTACT HER. No begging, no pleading.

 

And here's a question, or maybe just something others can relate to: unfortunately, I had to understand by trial and error, that begging pleading and lying at her feet won't bring her back to me, and I am honestly tired of disrespecting MYSELF like that. But is it normal, that I still feel, that that is the only way I can get her back? Is this a phase or something? I know that I'm doing write by myself, it just totally conradicts my feeling, that if something/someone is hurt or broken, it needs attention, care and fixing.... /Confused, pissed off, and tired/

 

On the every front, work is alot but great/school is messing with me, but nothing I can't handle/6 weeks panick attack free/and I'm up 3 times a week at 5 am to hit the gym before work, +the weekends!

However I'm just suffering from basically every possible side effect of my medication. Hopefully I can start to take the dose back in 3-4 months, I can feel the addiction kicking in, hands shaking from body getting used to it and craving more, rashes, headackes, light headedness. Aprazolam sucks...

 

I just want all of this crap to be over. Preferably with her, but I would be satisfied without her, but with school done, less stress and my health back at 100% (I honestly hope that is still possible).

 

Girls and guys? Is this obsessive? Is this normal? How can I still completely be in love with this woman after all of this?

 

All in all NO CONTACT!!!!! Cards down on the table... I know... This is just soooo confusing and against every instinct and feeling that I have. How can not doing anything be this... exhausting. It's not hard, i learned to refuse the urge... It's just... extreemely exhausting....

[TomMacko]

Hi everyone.

 

Just wanted to update. Going on with NC. Still feel confused. Time is starting to fly by really quick though. 7 weeks down. I've going out, trying to be more open to life. Waiting to see how things will jus fall into place, not trying to control anything. There were a lot of issues the past few weeks that needed attention outside of work, so I was kind of preoccupied. I think a lot about what she is doing how she is, wondering if she thinks about me at all, even though I try not to, or at least limit the time I spend thinking about her. I had some casual dates, not sure if I would call them dates, just spent some time with other women than my ex, no strings attached. As I was talking to them, I kind of realized how you might like someone physically or intellectually, but how rarely can two people be compatible. I mean, to find someone with whom you have the sexual chemistry, the emotional compatibility, and to be on the same level intellectually is like finding a needle in a haystack. As I mentioned earlier my ex was always extreemely jealous of everyone around me... and as I was spending time opening up to other people I was thinking... what the hell was all that jealousy about? we had all that I mentioned above, and all she did was project her own insecurities on to me... and when her insecurities met up with us hitting a difficult time, she bailed.... i'm sure I already posted about this, but the thing that kind of changed was how I see the situation. I was extreemely clear about where I stand, still do, but I feel like that I'm done with that relationship. Would I be willing to try something new with her? Of course I would, I know what values there were in our relationship, however, I would never be willing to go back to a relationship with the same dynamics. I worked my ass off to work on myself and become a better person, I learned alot from the past 5 1/2 months. However, I cannot know if she has went through any change at all, or what kind of changes she went through. If ever, we talk again, it would be interesting to see, if she grew as a person from this experience, or took put any effort into learning from her mistakes.

 

I feel like I read through half the internet the past few months, looking for answers on various forums. I guess I am at the stage, where the dumpee grows and learns from the experience, and continues to move forward. At least I hope so. I love her, but I'm tired of crying over her, not being able to sleep in my own bed for 6 months... I'm taking my life back. And if she won't feel that the ship is sailing away, it's her loss... she bailed, when there were no unresolvable issues like unfaithfullness or abuse, we just hit a roughpatch. If she can't see that after six months of space... well, then I that's life, and it's her loss.

 

Cheers to you all, and stay strong!

[TomMacko]

Update: Today's attude: screw it, she'll never come back.

 

I'm doing okay. think about her alot. Tryin to control it. Kind of lost hope, still have the emotions, just been too long... Lost hope of getting her back, and lost the willingness to make an ass of myself to get a breakcrumb. The Sunday night I drove by her neighborhood, there is a creek nearby that I really loved. It was in the middle of the night and I couldn't sleep, so I went for a drive just to sit around with a smoke and think about all the things I accomplished the best nearly 6 months... all the crap she left me for, cuz she did not want to deal with the hardship.

 

I girl really wanted to get together with me this weekend, she practically threw herself at me, but I refused. I still love her, it wouldn't be fair to anyone, and even the opportunity messed me up emotionally. definitely not there, And I know what I want out of a relationship, we weren't compatible. Also, I'm kind of depressed to see how much we had with the ex, she was just not willing to go that extra mile to keep the relationship going. So... I'm just accepting it was worth more to me than her, and just screw it. Focus on what I have going and look forward. Day by day. She ain't coming back. I won't be able to let go of the love I feel for her. It's the most precious thing I have right now. But I think I can let go of the relationship? Does that even make sense?

 

Just checkin in. Still here, still NC

[Ms Darcy]

Sometimes love ends. It's really difficult to accept but the sooner you can be in the present and understand that she does not love you now, the more likely you are going to be able to heal in the near future. The past is what you must let go of.

[TomMacko]

Hi everyone.

 

I was just about to update yesterday. I had a stressfull, successful and fun week last week. I am feeling good about myself, I'm confident about life. And think less about my ex. Almost at -30kg!! Miss her, but I got some space from the breakup. Finally NC was working. Sure I still have all those feelings for her, but the negative emotions are finally becoming less intsensive. I just want to move on with my life, if she is not coming back, I can still have a happy life, and I am feeling satisfied about my life for the mostpart.

 

And the reason I hate my phone is....... On my drive home yesterday afternoon I saw an unsaved number calling. I was happy I was done for the day, listening to loud music couldn't wait to go home, and watch the world cup. Guess who was calling?

After 6 months of only sending a few e-mails and a few occasional texts, my ex decided to give me a call. I was so pissed off. I actually starting feeling so much better. Decided that it is best to love and charish the memory of her, of us, than running after something that's not there. Now she calls and said a few months (APRIL!!!) ago I mentioned that we could meet up. Talked for a few mintues tried to keep it really light and very short, told her we'll meet next week to give myself some time to decide if I even want to meet her. She was really surprised that I didn't recognize her voice. Lol.

 

She also complained that it's difficult for her to right her thesis while she is doing an internship... this was one I couldn't swallow. I told her... "tell me about it, I was doing my masters courses after a full time job for 2.5 years." I think she got the point, that I'm not impressed. Or maybe she was hinting she understands what I went through. She said that she saw some pictures of me on Facebook through a common friend, and it was so good to see me... When she asked what's up, I told her I'm going to wedding of a friend of mine this weekends, which is going to be in the woods, I'm gonna be the chef, preparing dinner in a huge cauldron with 2 other friends. She was all cheery and of that's so sweet..... Not really seeing where she would start going. Grass is not greener? Friendzone? Unless she wants to reconcile I would prefer NC.

 

Anyhow, now that I messed up, and did not recognize the number that was calling..... I see 3 options.

 

A) Call her, ask her what she wants to talk about. If it's not because she misses me, I'll ask her not to contact me unless it's beacause she misses me, I have plenty on my table with my work, my thesis and my health, friendship with her is not on there.

 

B) Go meet her and see where she goes, unless it's obvious she want's to reconcile, proceed to step A.

 

C) Tell her that as she's going to Italy to defend her thesis from September to October anyhow, and I have a lot to do as well. Let's just leave eachother alone and talk when she gets back.

 

 

 

I miss her like S***t, but I'm not willing to get tangled around again, or get rejected again making her feel safe and making me feel miserable. NoNoNo.

 

Confused, I feel NC helps alot, I'm not sure if this means anything. I do not want to go back to step one. The only realson I am considering to meet with her, is that she scares easy, and if I go ahead and ask her if she misses me.. she just get sc s best for me. But little help would be greatly appreciated!!

[Brotherhood67]

Just my two cents, since we are living the same situation you and me as I understood it.

Continue NC, continue healing and don't feel the need to contact her, especially because you don't owe her anything. She scared easily when you were together. Now is a different time.

Accept nothing less than clear as day "I want to go back with you and try again" and remember, when it comes to this kind of situation with your ex, there is only one thing to remember :

"Less is always more".

You have nothing to loose anymore if there is to gain anything with her, it is necessary for you that she takes the next steps.

 

So NC is the only way in my opinion.

[kellogs]

Dude! You kidding us ??

After all this time where you were getting stronger and stronger you actually think about meeting her ? No way!

B is out of question, and C - I find it too harsh. You don't want to hurt her, you want to encourage her to grow up, admit to the mistake and all that.

 

Well, I have been through the whole thread and I can only say: congrats! Although I have never been through what you have. Had no idea it can take that long to heal...

 

You did not tell us what the conversation ended like. But I would rule out A too. Remember that you *started* healing. After all, she might never come back to you as a lover.

 

Best!