She talks too much with her exboyfriend. I'm a girl too, advice.

[spfr4e]

My girlfriend is my best friend, literally, we never considered being with a woman before but somehow we feel in love. She's the love of my life and I know she feels the same way. We have plans to get married when I finsih college.

 

She was with her ex bc shedesperate and he got her horny, they did sexual stuff but they didnt go all the way (we lost our virginity together). He hurt her when he broke up with her because he went to college and wanted to have sex with other girls.

 

The problem is that the idiot dropped off school, came back and started texting her. She says she doesn't like him and that she only wants me, I believe her because i trust her and know everything about her. But I can't help being VERY jealous sometimes!! We are in a long distance relationship and sometimes it kills me. Sometimes he's over me in snapchat and that bothers me because we snapchat a lot.

 

Last week he texted her saying he realized he loves her -.- She thinks it's cute that I act jealous, normally I don't show that it upsets me but I say it half joke/half true. I know she would understand if I tell her but it's hard for me to actually tell her this, I don't want her to feel bad for making me feel that way and i dont want to control her life.

 

There's something that really hurt me tho, I did tell her it bother me (but not HOW much) and she cried because she didnt want to hurt me. When she was telling her ex they can't get back together, she said this: (first let me say, nobody knows about our lesbain relationship yet)

 

"I love you, you're a great guy and an amazing person (bull!). (...) I'm glad I had the time I spend with you previously (...) Right now it's not the best time to get back (not the best time? ?)... I'm actually talking with someone else right now... Nothing official... But idk... I really like him too"

 

That really made me upset, (she was the one that showed me the texts they sent to each other.

 

Then he kept insisting and she went on to say "I think I'm in love with this person (you think????). It's not easy to go back together... Let's be friends for now and see what happens." Friends for now? See what happens????? It hurts me that ahe just can't say no, why dpes she say that stuff? Doesn't she see it hurts me?

 

He wants to hang out with her "as friends" but i don't feel comfortable with the idea of those 2 going out... ALONE. I know if all that was me, she was be upset and sad, why doesnt she realize this? It's not "cute" go be jealous. She says she wouldnt do anything with him but if he approaches her sexually,

I honestly don't know if she's gonna stop.

 

I feel like i shouldn't be jealous because I know she loves me the same way i love her... But I can'g help to be really jealous when I see stuff like he's over me in snapchat. She says she doesn't want to talk to him but she doesn't want to "be mean".

 

Thanks for reading

[Iggles]

You have reason to be jealous. She isn't enforcing boundaries well with this guy. And you two have a hidden romance. Not a stretch to think chatting with this guy may cause her to go back on her resolve, as she feels the need to be closeted with you.

 

Tell her it's not fair to you and she has to make a choice. You want to be with her and go public as a couple. The Ex thinks he has a chance because she is on the market -- he doesn't see who she's dating so he will keep pushing.

[Doc Blaze]

first why is your relationship hidden..? i think i know the answer...but i was just wondering. Are you sure she is in love with you and not just love you as like close best friends...

[spfr4e]

She did tell him she wants a future with this person after I told her that bothered me but still, it hurts that it wasn't the first thing she said. We agreed to keep it secret for a while, we are in a long distance relationship and for a number of reason being public about it could make our lives more complicated now. We did tell some of our closest friends tho.

 

This is the longest relationship both of us have had, she keeps saying to not worry, that I'm the only one she wants in my life. I don't want to control her life but i don't know if I should consider telling her i don't want her to hang out with him (they still havent). I'm sure what we have is more than just a friendship but since last month the thing with this guy keeps bothering me. Now, my question is, how do I ask her to stop talking to him? I don't know how to approach this.

[catfeeder]

It makes no sense to me to be involved with anyone who still has ties to an ex beyond co-parenting shared children.

 

You're finding out why.

 

If you want to put yourself through this, I don't know how anyone else can help you.

[nutbrownhare]

Yep - as catfeeder says, it's not a good idea to be involved with anyone who is still heavily involved with an ex. Of any description, for any reason other than co-parenting.

 

She'd be unhappy if the roles were reversed, yet she's still too attached to this guy to risk 'being mean' by setting clear boundaries about her availability. I understand that it may be a bit more complicated in your case, but my feeling is that a relationship that the other person wants to keep hidden is a relationship that you shouldn't be involved with in the first place. And as for stating that your relationship is 'nothing official'? Anyone would feel hurt and rejected by that, unless they were just using the other person as a booty call.

 

You can't stop her talking to him, if that's what she wants to do. I would be very honest and upfront with her that you are feeling used and unimportant to her, and that you don't want to continue in a relationship like this. It's demanding enough to keep a long distance relationship going when you know you're exclusive, let alone with this unfinished business in the background.

 

Then leave the decision to her, but do not try to continue in a relationship with someone who's really preoccupied with someone else. It's a heart-rending, soul-destroying, self-esteem bashing experience to go through. Don't be that girl!

[spfr4e]

Thank you for all your advices. So, I did talk to her, I told her how I felt about everything that was going on, it went better than I expected, she said she understands because she would feel the same way and asked me to tell her everything that bothers me because she doesn't want me to be unhappy. She said she's gonna tell him to stop texting her because she loves me and wants me to feel happy and comfortable with her.