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He blanked me


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It is nearly 6 months post breakup and 2 months NC. I have been doing well and trying to move on. My ex still plays rugby for the same team as my brother but I have avoided going there so as to avoid seeing my ex. I have seen him a handful of times since the breakup at certain bars.

 

Anyway last night I was asked to pick my brother up from a bar and as I got out of the car my ex walked out with a couple of friends so his friends could have a cigarette. My ex saw me and completely blanked me, turned his back on me and continued to talk to his friends as well as two girls.

 

He was the one who broke up with me and I am dumbfounded as to why he would treat me with such little respect. I don't want to sit and chat to him about the weather but an acknowledgement seems to the most mature. This man is 32 years old and we lived together for goodness sake! It really hurt my feelings.

 

I don't know if anyone can shed some light onto why he would behave like this and more importantly how I can stop it from hurting me in future.

 

Any advice welcome!

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Probably guilt or maybe he thought it would reflect poorly on him if he acknowledged you in front of the girls he was with. Who knows, but what you do know is from now on just don't bother even saying hi since whatever his reason is he's not acting in a way that warrants you even paying attention to him. How did he act before when you two saw each other?

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He is angry at you! Why did he break up with you? Did you do something that hurt him?

 

No, nothing. He has always maintained that the reason he broke up with me was because he cannot cope with a relationship and that it was nothing to do with me. Whether this was a lie or not I am unsure but I have never heard anything to the contrary. We said before now that we will always remain friendly and now he blanks me and treats me with utter disdain. It made me feel worthless and like he can't even bare to look at me!

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Thank you for the advice guys, much appreciated. I just see it as a reflection on me...like another confirmation that I am not good enough.

 

You shouldn't. He broke up with you and can't even bare the respect of saying hi? What a jerk.

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Well that is what my family think, that I shouldn't concern myself as it's a reflection on him, not me. This is difficult when your confidence is already pretty battered from the breakup. I suppose it's just one of those things I will have to get on with. If only I could get cross about it as opposed to it making me so sad

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Thank you for the advice guys, much appreciated. I just see it as a reflection on me...like another confirmation that I am not good enough.

 

Quite the opposite. He's the weak, he's the one who can't deal with it. Coward. It means you still have "power" over him. He can't act normal around you. You're too much for him actually.

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I agree that he could have handled the situation a little better but, as others have said, I don't think it is personal at all. He likely felt awkward or maybe he didn't want to have what could be an awkward conversation in front of others. Maybe he thought he could look away before you had full-on eye contact and, well, it turned into one of THOSE moments where no-one knows what to do and then realises almost immediately afterwards that they could have handled it better!!

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Thank you for the advice guys, much appreciated. I just see it as a reflection on me...like another confirmation that I am not good enough.

 

That's bunk--he just confirmed for you why you were smart to go NC.

 

I'd work on shifting my focus away from allowing others to reflect my 'self' worth. Not everyone will own the capacity to recognize and appreciate your unique qualities--so allow them to pass early. You deserve someone who 'gets you' and you won't find him until you get your Self.

 

If you think of your life as a puzzle, you can appreciate how many wrong matches you'll need to meet before finding the right fit. If you attempt to force a fit with the wrong person, it will wreck the outcome of your puzzle.

 

Attempting to please someone who doesn't fit makes no sense because you deprive yourself of valuable information by trying to please ~everyone~.

 

Skip that. Respect yourself, allow wrong matches to pass early, and accept that if finding love were easy, there wouldn't be anything special about it.

 

Head high.

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Thank you guys! My family/friends have said the same thing, that it is not a reflection of me, but of him. It hurt, as I lived with the guy and planned a life with him. It's true though that I need to stop feeling like his behaviour is indicative of who I am, or what I have to offer.

 

I have repeated similar patterns, in that I try incredibly hard to make someone happy and don't really think about myself and my needs and it's a pattern I am trying to break. I think the relationship knocked my confidence massively and the fact that him and his friends completely blank me, makes me feel rubbish. I hope one day soon I won't think about him as much... Surely I should be over it by 6 months, he certainly is!

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