Anyone know of some good sites/forums for children of drug addicts?

[oitnb]

My mom was living with me, under one condition. She go to rehab. Today she came in with a million and one excuses as to why she can't. So I called my dad, explained the situation and asked if I could ask her to leave, he agreed and I told her to leave and take her stuff. And now I'm feeling some serious, heavy, heart hurting guilt over it.

[mhowe]

Go to an al-anon meeting for children of addicts.

[pl3asehelp]

Don't feel bad - you wants what's best for her. It's not your fault she doesn't understand why that is. Al-anon, narc-anon all tell you the same thing. Zero support for someone using.

[mhowe]

Actually...I think the term is AlCoa...Adult children of alcoholics.

[oitnb]

Don't feel bad - you wants what's best for her. It's not your fault she doesn't understand why that is. Al-anon, narc-anon all tell you the same thing. Zero support for someone using.

 

She has supposedly been clean for three weeks to prepare for rehab. But either way, her head isn't right and without help she could easily slip back into it.

[shellyf62]

I am glad your Dad is making her leave so you have the house to yourself again.

You can only try your best to help people, it is up to them to take the final step.

You have done everything you can to help your Mum, you are a great Daughter......its not your fault she isn't a great Mum.

[oitnb]

I am glad your Dad is making her leave so you have the house to yourself again.

You can only try your best to help people, it is up to them to take the final step.

You have done everything you can to help your Mum, you are a great Daughter......its not your fault she isn't a great Mum.

 

Thanks Shelly

[iamkaylee]

Honestly, I am not surprised your mom started making the excuses not to go to rehab. That's normal for an addict. She HAS to want to help herself before she will do it. You wanting her to, your dad wanting her to, none of that matters. I would not believe for a second that she's been clean for the last three weeks. More than likely, she's just gotten better at hiding it. Addicts can't fix themselves or get clean without help in most cases. Detox sucks. Ask me how I know.

 

Your mom is making a choice. She is choosing her addiction over herself, you and your dad. She's not ready to choose differently yet. She may never be ready. There is nothing you can do about this. What you CAN do is choose for yourself and her. You can choose to not tolerate it any longer. "Helping" her with a place to live, food, money, rides here and there, is NOT helping her. She has no incentive to do these things for herself when other people will keep doing them for her. So by "helping" her with these things, what is actually happening is enabling. We enable an addict to be an addict by removing their need to be responsible for themselves and face the consequences of their own actions. The enabling has to stop. Most addicts have to hit rock bottom before they can really try. There is no rock bottom except death as long as people are willing to "save" them from themselves.

 

Try not to feel guilty about what you've done. Yes it is very hard but it was absolutely the right thing to do. Your mom is a grown adult. Unless she's forced to start acting like one by having the safety net pulled out from under her, the odds that she'll try to kick her addiction are pretty slim. She must have consequences for the choices she makes. If that means she's kicked out of your & your dad's house for refusing to go to rehab, then so be it. She had options and she knew what was coming. She made a choice, now you two must follow through. That is the ONLY way you can help her. Please go find an Alanon or Narcanon program near you and join. You and your dad really need to go. They can help you understand the vicious cycle of addiction, enabling, co-dependence and give you the tools and support you're going to need. Your mom can't break free of her addiction without help but you and your dad breaking free of co-dependence and enabling will help all of you.

[oitnb]

Actually...I think the term is AlCoa...Adult children of alcoholics.

 

It would be the same basic help even though she's not an alcoholic though, right? She can't drink a drop of alcohol, she has chrons disease and it hurts her stomach too much.

[iamkaylee]

Actually...I think the term is AlCoa...Adult children of alcoholics.

 

Bah, there is an excellent book out with this title. You should get it. I learned a lot about my and my own crazy family dynamics by reading this one and I'm sure you will too.

[oitnb]

Thank you. I know. I get it. My dad kinda forced her upon me this time and I didn't have much say because the house isn't mine and he pays for it. I'm just glad he agreed with me.

[iamkaylee]

Thank you. I know. I get it. My dad kinda forced her upon me this time and I didn't have much say because the house isn't mine and he pays for it. I'm just glad he agreed with me.

 

I know you get it. I've been following your other threads ;-) Even though you do get it, you still need support. The horrible guilt you're feeling right now says so. I don't think your dad really gets it or maybe he just doesn't want to deal with it. That's another reason you need support. My ex-husband was an alcoholic and an addict. I'm a recovering addict. I get it too. I've been on both sides. ;-)

[shellyf62]

Your Dad wasn't living in the house with you & her, so he probably cant "get it".

Please try not to feel guilty (easier said than done I know). She needs to live with her choices now.

[Mesemene]

link removed

 

and another list of potential links:

link removed

 

Hope some of those can give you some support or at least some further assistance

[ParisPaulette]

This website should get you started. link removed You did do the right thing, but yeah that guilt is a killer. I know, because my dad was an alcoholic and it took me some time to get my head on straight about it all even after he'd gone clean and sober. Al-Anon helped me tremendously and Nar-Anon is the equivalent for those whose family and partners have or are having drug addiction problems. It can help tremendously, check it out. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with this, but you did do the right thing. Stopping the enabling is a huge first step for both the family and friends of and the addict themselves in recovery.

[hers]

Actually...I think the term is AlCoa...Adult children of alcoholics.

 

Al-anon is for families and friends of alcoholics and addicts, and adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs) are part of Al-anon. But there are actual ACOAS meetings that are similar to 12 step groups like Al-Anon.

 

That'd be the best thing for you, OP. Addicts will never get help for themselves if they have someone pushing them or enabling them. Get her out of your house and get yourself help in order to learn how to help her.

[hers]

This is all so wonderfully said.

[avman]

Actually...I think the term is AlCoa...Adult children of alcoholics.

 

 

Either Al-Anon or AlCoa would work great. I think you should get in person help and support for this rather then just a message board. This is a big deal and going to a support group surrounded by people who know exactly what you are going through would be tremendously helpful. I second mhowe's suggestions in a big way.