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How to proceed with finally dating a guy


mcs557

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1.5 months ago, I met a guy through a friend. This guy immediately expressed interest in me on a date, flirting and touching me sexually. He also proposed to make food together, or that we should meet for lunch at work, since we work together. Back then, I wasn't comfortable with making food with him, since it implies that things will get physical, and I hadn't know him for more than 2 weeks then. I really wanted to take it slow. We didn't see each other for 3 weeks due to the holiday break. When we got back, I initiated lunch with him at work, intending to pay him back for the first date, which he paid. I wanted to do this since I dislike it when I feel like I owe someone something. However, he got another married female co-worker to come along, so instead of the 2 of us, we had 3 people eating lunch. Also, he wouldn't let me pay, since apparently, he owed the female co-worker lunch. To this, he said to pay him back next time. Before lunch ended, he proposed we get dim sum, to which I agreed. Since in my head, dim sum is meant to be enjoyed with more people, I invited friends, and so did he. I got to pay for him finally, and he thanked me by caressing my shoulders and hugging me before we left the restaurant. Now, I'm actually interested in dating him and want to go out on a date with him, but I don't know if he is still interested in me romantically. I'll see him again this Saturday for dinner with a large group of friends. How should I communicate this to him? Advice of all kinds is appreciated!

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heh....it's possible that he was maybe only interested in a quick lay rather than dating and relationship.....

 

On that date, he also mentioned that he was "scared of turning 30" and mentioned that he has been attending dozens of weddings in the past two years. It sounded like he's working on settling down and beginning to look for something serious.

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Yeah...what missmarple said. Look at actions not words. Guys are good at telling women what they want to hear. A guy who is seriously interested in you won't let three weeks just pass by without contact or setting up dates as soon as you are both available. He won't grope you on a date either....

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I don't think that someone looking for something serious with you would touch your butt on the first date..or, for that matter, that he wouldn't have asked you out on a second date 3 weeks later.

 

Good points. Why would he try something so bold if we work together and have the same circle of friends? Isn't he concerned about making things awkward?

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Good points. Why would he try something so bold if we work together and have the same circle of friends? Isn't he concerned about making things awkward?

 

Not awkward if you are both mutually willing consenting adults. Since you shot his "dinner" invitation down, he now knows you are not in the market for that, so now he is just being friendly with strictly group outings. Focus on a guy who is interested in what you want and leave this one be.

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Not awkward if you are both mutually willing consenting adults. Since you shot his "dinner" invitation down, he now knows you are not in the market for that, so now he is just being friendly with strictly group outings. Focus on a guy who is interested in what you want and leave this one be.

 

*sigh* He is one of the few guys that I'm physically and intellectually attracted to. This is rare for me. Thanks for the feedback though!

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*sigh* He is one of the few guys that I'm physically and intellectually attracted to. This is rare for me. Thanks for the feedback though!

 

I hear ya since I'm the same way. It takes me ages to find that kind of a guy and so hard to pass by someone you know won't be good for you. Still, the way I look at it, I'd rather be happy and single so that when I meet the right guy who is also good for me, I'm happy, available and my life/relationship situation is not "complicated".

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I agree that you shot him down - you could have told him no to making food, but yes to going to dinner. Also, he is not a discreet man. Touching someone's butt on the first outing - particularly with a coworker - is not the sign of a guy who is careful with work policies. But you are both consenting, of course. I also think that not talking to him at all over the holiday break cooled this off. I think honestly he was testing your boundaries maybe a little. There is a possible something could happen, but I would just consider he is the type of guy who is very friendly with bad boundaries and take it for what its worth.

 

I agree that you should not have made dinner with him if you were uncomfortable, but you didn't do anything in substitute that would make him think you were really interested. But this may be dodging a bullet consider he is a coworker.

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1. What about my situation implies that something can still happen?

 

2. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm really good at being emotionally distant from people I don't trust. Now that I know him better, is it too late for me to gauge his interest? Or should I just let him be, and move on?

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1. What about my situation implies that something can still happen?

 

2. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, and I'm really good at being emotionally distant from people I don't trust. Now that I know him better, is it too late for me to gauge his interest? Or should I just let him be, and move on?

 

I am just saying - anything is possible. Not that there is a specific sign. But if you are emotionally distant and as a result rejected him or wanted him to try harder, then he has lost interest. Also, there is a difference between not wanting to give your trust to someone until you know them better, but being guarded like that is different from what you are doing - you can still be cordial and warm towards people - smile when you talk, telling them what you are not willing to do, but following that with what you are willing to do, rather than putting up every wall.

 

I would honestly just let him be because this wouldn't be a quality relationship. I mean, he is a coworker and touched your rear on the first outing. If he expected you to melt like butter, he is looking for the wrong thing. And he is not interested to get to know you personally. I mean, if you are two consenting adults meeting on a dating site and are clearly looking for a certain type of date - then ok - but this is a coworker.

 

Overall, I am glad that you avoided this guy

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