Redabc123 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 No --- that would be "closed". Just enjoy dating. Stop expecting him to answer the way you want him to. His response was fine. He was questioning whether YOU were interested in dating. If he wasn't interested, he would have said so. You don't need to back up --- you just need to be more open when you see him again. And no need to talk about this any more. Thank you for the advice, I'll see if he asks to see me this weekend, if not I dont know how interested he is. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 You have been on 4 dates. I think he is interested in dating. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 You have been on 4 dates. I think he is interested in dating. I hope so, at this point should I still be dating other people, I took my profile down, but I think his is still up Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Yes! Four dates is no where near enough time to get to know someone. Keep your options open...as well as yourself. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 One more question, so say I dont hear from him today should I be concerned since we do have some sort of contact daily and intiate or should I just leave it alone...just curious Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 You should not be expecting daily contact at this stage. If it happens...great. If it doesn't don't fret it. However....so you don't get antsy...try and get an idea of when Next get together will be before you get off phone or text. It will keep you calmer. Link to comment
Liraele Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 I have a novel idea... why don't you ask him if he thinks it's going anywhere? Not talking daily doesn't mean he's not interested... it just means that you're in the beginning stages of dating. It's normal. You can initiate contact, too. Don't always make him be the aggressor, and don't play games (holding back and not being up-front/honest are games in my book.) Just be honest. Converse. Mhowe is right - have the important talks in person or at least via voice. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 I have a novel idea... why don't you ask him if he thinks it's going anywhere? Not talking daily doesn't mean he's not interested... it just means that you're in the beginning stages of dating. It's normal. You can initiate contact, too. Don't always make him be the aggressor, and don't play games (holding back and not being up-front/honest are games in my book.) Just be honest. Converse. Mhowe is right - have the important talks in person or at least via voice. Thanks for the advice I dont want to push too much, I did tell him last night on the phone that I like hanging out with him and will open up more for him to get to know me and he just said great we will see where it goes from here. I intiated the phone call yesterday and he said he would talk to me later but I never got a phone call or text later that night or this morning. So I definitly dont want to come off needy Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 You should not be expecting daily contact at this stage. If it happens...great. If it doesn't don't fret it. However....so you don't get antsy...try and get an idea of when Next get together will be before you get off phone or text. It will keep you calmer. If I here from him before the weekend I will definitly try that approch, Im hoping I didnt scare him off yesterday Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 Thanks for the advice I dont want to push too much, I did tell him last night on the phone that I like hanging out with him and will open up more for him to get to know me and he just said great we will see where it goes from here. I intiated the phone call yesterday and he said he would talk to me later but I never got a phone call or text later that night or this morning. So I definitly dont want to come off needy I think you should save the psychology speak for a later time - it should be obvious that you'll open up more as you get to know him -that defines most dating interactions. It's just too heavy/intense for only 4 dates in. I don't think it's a big mistake just something to note for later. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 I think you should save the psychology speak for a later time - it should be obvious that you'll open up more as you get to know him -that defines most dating interactions. It's just too heavy/intense for only 4 dates in. I don't think it's a big mistake just something to note for later. That is exactly what I was thinking until he told me that he felt like I was holding back Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 29, 2014 Share Posted January 29, 2014 That is exactly what I was thinking until he told me that he felt like I was holding back Oh - ok - it sounded like you said this on your own initiative but sure, if he asked, fine. Does he mean holding back sexually or emotionally? Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted January 29, 2014 Author Share Posted January 29, 2014 Oh - ok - it sounded like you said this on your own initiative but sure, if he asked, fine. Does he mean holding back sexually or emotionally? I have no idea he didn't specify and I haven't heard from him at all today Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 Update: So no date this weekend, He said he had family in town. Intially he said he may be able to meet up for dinner( I asked him) but then the next day he texted and said that he couldnt because his family was going to dinner. I was kind of bummed about it. I didnt let him know that though. but he didnt seem all that upset that we werent hanging out. I sent him a quick text the following day just to say I hoped he had a good day and a little joke about the superbowl he quickly responded and said he hoped that I had a nice day as well. I can quickly see that Im going back to my old ways and chasing him but honestly Im getting a little impatient. I want to ask him what we are? Is this going in anywhere? I like him so far and I am physically attracted to him so I know my interest is there but Im not sure if his is. At this point I dont know if this is normal. I tried going on a date on Sunday and all I could think about was him and I wish that I was on date with him getting to know him better. Any advice would be great! Thanks guys Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 He had company and it was Super Bowl weekend. Relax. He responded to your text. Ball is in his court. You have been on 4 dates. Who knows where it is going. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 3, 2014 Author Share Posted February 3, 2014 He had company and it was Super Bowl weekend. Relax. He responded to your text. Ball is in his court. You have been on 4 dates. Who knows where it is going. Thanks Mhowe, its bugging me that im feeling like this, is it too early on for me to be this anxious? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 3, 2014 Share Posted February 3, 2014 It is definitely too early to be this anxious. So focus on something besides when the next date will be. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 It is definitely too early to be this anxious. So focus on something besides when the next date will be. Thanks for the advice, we talked on phone yesterday and honestly it doesnt sound so good, we had a good convo, but when I asked what he was doing this weekend he kept saying how busy he was and didnt know he could hang out. At this point I dont know what to think, Im guessing the ball is in his court, Im no longer going to intiate contact, Ive shown him im interested enough. Am I doing the right thing? Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 You are doing the right thing ---- and he sounds like he has lost interest. Keep moving!! Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 You are doing the right thing ---- and he sounds like he has lost interest. Keep moving!! Ugh, I dont know what I did that could have made him lose interest. I dont like to quit, do you think my doing this I could catch his eye again Link to comment
mhowe Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Yes --- leave the ball in his court. You don't have to have done anything. He might just not be feeling it. However, by not being the one to initiate, he may find himself wondering what you are doing. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Yes, you've shown interest and the ball is in his court. Nothing is confusing because look at it this way. If he wanted to make a plan with you this weekend, he would have (or he will). If he doesn't, he won't. It's very simple. Don't make it confusing by trying to analyze "why" - who cares. Analyzing "why" isn't going to help you meet people who are interested in dating you -it will just waste time and probably give you an excuse to be negative about men. Avoid that, IMO. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 4, 2014 Author Share Posted February 4, 2014 Yes, you've shown interest and the ball is in his court. Nothing is confusing because look at it this way. If he wanted to make a plan with you this weekend, he would have (or he will). If he doesn't, he won't. It's very simple. Don't make it confusing by trying to analyze "why" - who cares. Analyzing "why" isn't going to help you meet people who are interested in dating you -it will just waste time and probably give you an excuse to be negative about men. Avoid that, IMO. Thank you Batya33 and Mhowe your advice has been helpful I need to pull it together. Im going to let it go and if its meant to happen it will Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 4, 2014 Share Posted February 4, 2014 Thank you Batya33 and Mhowe your advice has been helpful I need to pull it together. Im going to let it go and if its meant to happen it will I'm glad you're letting it go. Nothing to do with "meant to be". Only has to do with whether he is interested enough to follow through and make plans for a date. Keep it simple like that in your head -makes it easier to keep searching. Link to comment
Redabc123 Posted February 5, 2014 Author Share Posted February 5, 2014 I'm glad you're letting it go. Nothing to do with "meant to be". Only has to do with whether he is interested enough to follow through and make plans for a date. Keep it simple like that in your head -makes it easier to keep searching. Thank you, I know that once I pull back and get over that hump it will be no problem not to contact him. I was doing well until last night around 9 he text me some smiley faces ugh stupid me I texted and asked how he was feeling, he has been sick since Monday, He went on to ask how my day went, then I explained asked how his went and then said I was heading to bed. He said goodnight and that he was doing the same. Ugh would it have been rude to ignore him? I feel like im making myself look stupid. Im trying to keep it simply in my head but thinking he will lose more interest if I dont seem interested. Does that make sense lol Link to comment
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