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Need advice on what to do :/


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I posted in the dating thread but was hoping someone here could give me advice:

 

 

- I started hanging with with a guy about a month ago we have been on 4 dates, he lives an hour and half away

- The first 2 dates he came down to see me, I felt an immediate attraction to him. He also has great personality, he lives with his mom and grandma which isnt a deal breaker for me.

- The last 2 dates went to see him, last weekend it was ok we just watched football the whole time with his friends and cousin. We did have our first kiss at the end of the night which made it worth going to see him because there was a spark

- Our last date was last night we met half way to see a drive in movie I was a little dissappointed, he was 30 min late because he got lost. We didnt conversate as much as I had hoped. We did kiss alittle and he held my hand during the movie. We stayed and watched another movie but he asked me twice if I was ok with time since I had an hour drive. I wasnt sure to take that as he wasnt interested. We kisse good night ( small pecks) and he kissed me one more time before shutting my car door. He did make sure I got home ok and Thanked me for meeting him.

 

So my concern is I dont know how interested he is. He intiates contact most of the time. I would do it more but dont want to come off needy or desperate. He does say he will call sometimes but then doesnt ( twice) and then texts me the next day like nothing happened. He has never expressed that he likes me or want to date. Most of conversations are about work nothing to personal. I have so many mistakes in dating in the past, I have either come off to desperate, contacted too much or they just arent into me. Im trying not to mess this up as I do want to get to know him better and do see potential in us dating. I think I have shown that Im will to travel to see him so the distance isnt the problem from what I can see. He is just really reserved and hasnt expressed much of what he wants or interest in me, just that im pretty Im not sure if Im jumping the gun or assuming to quick, should I take a step back? I did ask if he was talking to anyone else and he said no but that doesnt mean isnt still looking. I met him on dating site and right before I got off he was still on. Any advice would be great

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You have been on 4 dates --- expecting daily contact is a bit much at this point.

 

He lives with his mom and grandma, and lives 1.5 hours away.

 

I honestly don't see much potential here.

 

He lives with his mother and grandmother because his dad passed away a year ago and stayed with them for support. I dont need daily contact just to know that this progressing somewhere. He does live that far but like I said I dont mind the distance

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A lot of guys don't really give to much away so don't expect him to pour his heat out to you after 4 dates but it sound's like he's interested to me. Keep your cool and keep doing what you've been doing.

 

Like mhowe says though, 1 1/2 hours is a long way to travel to see him, especially when you can't exactly stay at his or anything. Not a big deal now while you're early in the dating stages but isn't that going to bother you down the line?

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It doesn't matter why he lives with them --- it means visiting him you will have no privacy.

 

And a 3 hr. round trip to see someone is a lot.

So maybe he is still looking for someone closer.

 

I think 4 dates is a bit early to see "if this is progressing", considering the other factors.

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A lot of guys don't really give to much away so don't expect him to pour his heat out to you after 4 dates but it sound's like he's interested to me. Keep your cool and keep doing what you've been doing.

 

Like mhowe says though, 1 1/2 hours is a long way to travel to see him, especially when you can't exactly stay at his or anything. Not a big deal now while you're early in the dating stages but isn't that going to bother you down the line?

 

I thought about it, He says in like this mother in law suite that isnt attached to the house so its private and he said he was only doing for the support and would move out for a relationship or if he felt that they didnt need him there anymore so he doesnt sound like he wants it to be permanet so I have put that much thought into it after stated that

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But you have been on 4 dates. So it is too soon to expect him to make plans to move out.

And he hasn't said he is ready or if his mom/gram are ready for him to move out.

 

It sounds like you are trying to manage this whole thing --- and I think you just need to let it play out longer.

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But you have been on 4 dates. So it is too soon to expect him to make plans to move out.

And he hasn't said he is ready or if his mom/gram are ready for him to move out.

 

It sounds like you are trying to manage this whole thing --- and I think you just need to let it play out longer.

 

I agree way to soon, I just didnt want to look at anything from a negative point of view. So should continue to act the same or pull back a little?

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Pull back from what?

 

If the driving an hour and a half isn't shared, then yes --- pull back.

If you are the one intiating the contact, then yes -- pull back.

 

You are dating ---- if you "pull back" --- then you stop dating. This is not a relationship...so it isn't the same dynamic.

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Pull back from what?

 

If the driving an hour and a half isn't shared, then yes --- pull back.

If you are the one intiating the contact, then yes -- pull back.

 

You are dating ---- if you "pull back" --- then you stop dating. This is not a relationship...so it isn't the same dynamic.

 

Ugh I dont know if this got worse, so we were talking last night and I mentioned something about his profile still being up, It just slipped out not that I wanted him to take it down but I wanted to know what he was looking for, we talked about it for a bit, then he told me he felt like I was holding back. I told him I had a guard up because I wasnt sure how he felt. We talked about for a little bit, he said he was going to ask what he thought we were and I said I was going to ask the same, but I never did. So the coversation was slightly awkaward. I began asking him questions but then he said he felt uncomfortable so pushed to far. We changed the subject and began talking about other stuff for about a half hour he got off the phone after awile said he was tired. Now im so upset with myself for pushing I dont know if we will hang out again now. Is there any way I can fix this?

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I think you need to stop pushing and just enjoy the beginning of the dance.

 

However, off the phone without setting up the next date is not necessarily a good sign.

 

And as you can see, holding back is not the way to make anything progress.

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I think you need to stop pushing and just enjoy the beginning of the dance.

 

However, off the phone without setting up the next date is not necessarily a good sign.

 

And as you can see, holding back is not the way to make anything progress.

 

Any advice on what to do? I was thinking about him not asking me out, but I dont know if I should be the aggressor or just leave it alone ( which is what I was doing before)

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He mentioned that he wasnt sure how he felt about proceeding because he didnt know how I felt or why I was holding back, I explained to him why I was holding back and that want to say more but he never expressed how he felt or what he wanted. I then asked how he felt now after I told him why I was holding back and did he feel the same way, he said he didnt know and then he said this is uncomfortable and he felt like he was being intergated, so then changed the subject and asked how my day was

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Call him and say something to the effect that while the conversation was kinda awkward last night, you really do enjoy seeing him and would like to continue

and that you will do your best to stop holding back (if, in fact, that is what you are willing to do).

 

And then try and set a date.

 

He will either say "great" or "I don't think so" and you will have your answer.

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Call him and say something to the effect that while the conversation was kinda awkward last night, you really do enjoy seeing him and would like to continue

and that you will do your best to stop holding back (if, in fact, that is what you are willing to do).

 

And then try and set a date.

 

He will either say "great" or "I don't think so" and you will have your answer.

 

This makes me so nervous, wont that make me so desperate? I mean I would like to say that, but dont know if I will be making it worse

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Then do nothing and sit and wonder if he will call again.

 

How is honesty taken as desperation?

 

Calling and saying "so, ummm, I don't know....how are we"....is weak and desperate.

 

Telling him you are willing to BE in the moment instead of holding back shows that you are interested.

If he is not, he will tell you.

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Then do nothing and sit and wonder if he will call again.

 

How is honesty taken as desperation?

 

Calling and saying "so, ummm, I don't know....how are we"....is weak and desperate.

 

Telling him you are willing to BE in the moment instead of holding back shows that you are interested.

If he is not, he will tell you.[/QUO

 

Your right would it be bad if I texted it?

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Yes, it would be bad. And cowardly.

 

Call --- and if you are lucky, you will get voice mail.

Any conversation worth having should be done on the phone or in person.

 

And try to act enthusiastic and confident --- not scared

 

Thank you He just texted good morning im guessing thats an ok sign

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Because you are attempting to "open up" --- and that is to be vulnerable.

Nervous is good.

Anxious is bad!

 

I took your advice, which was great called him and told him that I liked hanging out with him and will try to open up a little more and his response was ok great we will see what happens from here, not really the response I was looking for, so it kind of made me doubt he was that interested. I expected something like I like hanging out with you too. So im thinking I should just back up and let him intiate any dates from this point on, any advice?

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No --- that would be "closed".

 

Just enjoy dating. Stop expecting him to answer the way you want him to. His response was fine. He was questioning whether YOU were interested in dating.

If he wasn't interested, he would have said so.

 

You don't need to back up --- you just need to be more open when you see him again. And no need to talk about this any more.

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