Trouble understanding how my girlfriend thinks

[EagleBFD]

I was dating this girl for 4 months and everythign was perfect we seemed perfect for each other.....we fell totallt in love with each other...we would talk all the time and we were jsut so happy to be with each other....it was liek nothign else but each other mattered......then the 5th month she started to change...she started to ignore me..she was always rethinking our relatuionship and never giving me a striaght answer about what was goign on....eventually i got myself together and realized even though i loved her she is treating me liek crap so i broke up with her .....she was devastaded and cried to me about how much she loves me and needs me and shes sorry....then next day i heard from a friend that she wanted to hook up with one of my other friends.....i flipped on her for not tellign me and we stopped talkign for a coupel of days.....eventually she convinced me she was just goign threw a phase and she loves me to death....

 

 

 

a coupel weeks later she started being weird agian and evetually i told her to jsut talk to me when she grows up....a week later i heard she was talkign with another of my friends about hooking up......i got mad at him at first....but i eventually decided that i jsut want her to be happy and if it would make her happy to be with him then i can't be mad....and i have no rigth to be mad......a week later she talked to me and i found otu they did hang up and hook up (obviosuy to make me jealous....she basically admitted it)...and he tried to have sex with her and totally took advantage of her.......she cried to me about it and i tried to be there for her (although it was killing me inside).....so we got back together agian cus i jsut dont want to be without her

 

 

2 months went by and we fought agian and stopped talkign for a month....i was the most miserable person for that month i just hated being withotu her....and one nite i found a note on my car...kinda nasty but at the end it said "...if u really loved her you would talk to her".....obviously it was her.....her friend admitted it to me...but she hasn;t admitted it to this day and never will i supposee.....but also i found out she was moving to florida in july (i live in ny...i foudn out she was moving in april)....so i had to talk to her.....we got back together within 2 days of talking

 

 

 

things were perfect for months......july came we were in tears leaving each other and it was very hard....originally we were gonan end it but we didn;t have the heart.....we were in a long distnce relationshipo for 2 months....when she came to visit it was amazing and i fell in love with her all over agian.....

 

 

come septemeber she told me they were having family poroblems and she was moving back....it felt liek the happiest day of my life.....until she came back.....the first thing she told me is that she didn't want to be in a relaitonship anymore becuase shes gonan be really busy looking at colleges and trying to go good in high school......she said we can be the same but jsut if she doesn't think of us as being in a relationship then its an ease of her mind.....i understood

 

 

we had major problems...we started to grow apart...and one day she told me "i dont want you anymore...i want to get to know this kid named anothyny"....so we stopped hooking up....

 

 

a week later she cries to me about this kid not wanting her because he already has a girlfriend and agian i was there for her cus i jsut want to help..i hate seeing her upset.....it hurt alot though...but we got back to hookign up but she wouldn't label it a "relationship" even though everything is the same.....

 

now we are hooking up(still not in a "relationship" though) and we are in love all over agian....its amazing being with her and things feel like old times...except she feels the need to always mention a guy that wants her...or a guy that likes her...but i dont think she is tellign the truth....i mean...i think the girl is amazing and beautiful because i love her...but i know other guys dont think that...or at least not as many as she says.....and i know she lies alot....my question is.....why does she feel the need to make me feel jeaous even though she knows i wont leave her and that i haven't even looked at another girl for as long as ive been with her (over a year)....i know what ur all thinking...im pathetic and obviously she doesn't feel the same way about me and i should learn to move on...but she is so emotional sometimes when she says she loves me and i blelieve her......shes also young...16 when we started dating 17 now....im gonna be 19 next month....

 

 

recently her friend called her to tell her that the kid anthony broke up with his girlfriend.....she told me the story and how that she told her friend shes totally crazy in love with me and doesn't care about him......but she still feels the need to mention him and it makes me jealous....but i never was a jealous guy until she put my threw the stuff with the other guys so i feel justified

 

 

is there anyway that she coudl love me but jsut not be mature enough to handle love yet? or does it seem liek shes jsut keepign me aroudn until she finds someone better and doesn't really care?....weve been threw so much and we still always find each other agian.......and also why does she feel the need to make me jealous? is she just insecure?

 

 

if you take the time to read this and give me advice thank you sooo much it really means alot to me

[confuzedboy89]

i know you don't wanna hear this....but it sounds like she's just using you to make herself feel better. when she's down she turns to the only person at that time in her life that loves her then moves on again.

[Double J]

I hate to say it, but it sounds like she's using you as an emotional counselor. She seems to really want that other guy. Your story sounds like the typical "Girl goes for jerk and uses the nice caring guy as a shoulder to cry on" case. Even though she told your friend that stuff you said at the very end, don't pay attention to her words as much as her actions. Actions speak volumes, words are only mere whispers. She might care about you, but her behavior seems so flaky. If I was you, I'd be very careful not to get too emotionally sucked into this relationship.

 

She feels the need to mention a guy that likes her? Why could that be? She could be trying to make you jealous, but she's well aware you care so deeply about her so what would be the need? You both are young - she might be going through a stage in her life where she really doesn't know what she wants, so emotionally pressuring her might not be the best idea.

[RayKay]

Well, you might hate my opinion...but I do not think this is a healthy relationship. People "in love" do not break up, make up, break up, make up and so on.

 

You are being a doormat, stop letting her walk all over you. I guarantee she will have doubts again and not even want what you have. If she does not want a relationship, she is not in love with you (sorry) no matter how in love you are with her. Yes, she is keeping you as a security blanket and knows she can get away with it (since you keep taking her back). You deserve more than that. She broke up with you for other guys, then comes back when the plan does not work out. How does that make you feel? A relationship should make you feel good, not bad!

 

No she is not ready for a relationship as she is still young and immature about them, and you should not be waiting around for her. There are girls out there who will treat you like you deserve and their actions will follow their words (that they love you).

[Mr.Lowselfconfidence]

I think she might be testing you sometmes as weird as it sounds. Other times you might not do exactly what she wants you to do and makes up something (another guy) to get you fix it or as you said get jealous. I'm not sure, cause she could just like to talk to you about guys....i dunno...hope you come up with the right answer...good luck!

 

~Mr.Lowselfconfidence

[EagleBFD]

i know....liek ive taken that all into consideration....but like the other nite we hugn out the whoel nite and had a great time jsut cuddlign and watchign a movie....and for the last couple of days shes been so into "us"...shes been gogin out of her wqay to stop by and say hi and to pick me up just to talk....she snever done that stuff before..even when we first started goign out...thats whats confusing me....and a couple of weeks ago she told me "she wants us to work out she realizes shes been an a-hole to me and im still with her so she knows how much i care for her and she jsut wants to be with me and make it work now"....but i dunno i dont want to get suckered agian...but im so deeply crazy about this girl......shes so unique...and like no1 else sees it but me....

 

i dont know what i should do...things seem perfect rite now...i dont want to mess that up because i love her to death....and like its so weird for the first time girls have shown interest in me...liek really good lookign, cool girls....but i jsut want this girl......i dunno its jsut so hard to let someone go that u care abotu so much....espcially when things seem to be going good.....but ur all rite....shes bound to pull it all agian......thanks for the advice

[confuzedboy89]

since it seems like she's changing i would give her one more chance but if she does it again ...i would leave her, she's only gonna keep hurting u

[randy]

i think in the past she used you as a security blanket. She said she wants to changes. Give her another chance. You care about her alot. Give her another chance for sure...If she does do it again ask her stright out "why do u leave me for someone then when it does not work out u come running back to me". Am i just left overs. Do i come second over someother guy u don't know that well" Tell her that. It could be that she is just immature. Stay with her a bit longer and see how it works out.

[EagleBFD]

thanks guys...i was amazed at how fast i got replies...its nice to knwo there is a place that i can actually tell people how i feel and get help.......thanks sooo much

[Prosper]

Hi Pal,

How abt an opinion, from a lady like me? Hmmz! I always believe women are meant to be loved not understood. It is either u dun love her that much but want to understand her or that u love her so much that u feel lost of what u want to do with her.

All i can say, u need a lot of patience if u wan to be with her. I think u also need to know 'CAN U ALSO HANDLE LOVE?' i dun see the point u need to shove questions back to her, and thats a very strong tendency for u to do that throughout what u type from what i read here.

If she is doing that for jealousy then ask urself why she does that? Isnt that she love u so? Or would it be u mis-read what she meant? If u choose to listen to her so much, are u trying to be love saint or that u truly wan to help her? Seriously i hate guys who are trying to show concern like this to get a catch like me.

Lolx! as for that note, i dun know u trust her frd or her for tat u need to know that line. Could her gf help her out and kept that silent? Or it is her? seriously i think the note is right, u need to call her and talk it out, dun u love her? if not, i think u can delete this post, u miss the point already.

[EagleBFD]

i love the girl to death....and im not just trying to be a love saint at all.....i want wats best for her.....shes had it tough and all of her friends she was really close with hate her now for some reason and she really doesn't have any other close friends so i try to be there for her as a friend too.....

 

 

i dunno if she is changing though....a month ago she was crazy abotu this kid named anthony....hes the one that didn't want her because he had a gf....and of course im gonan get worried when her friend calls her to tell her he broke up with his gf....but i dont wanan be...i want to relax and not worry about it...but its hard i feel liek im totally justified in being worried after she left me jsut to try to be with him a month ago...

 

 

if she wants to persue this kid im fine with it great for her....but i just dotn want her jsut to stya with me until she knows if she can have him....that would hurt alot more then if she left me now to pursue him

 

 

but i dunno a part of me wants to trust her totally liek i used to....but shes done stuff to me over and over agian i jsut see it coming agian

 

i love this girl to death i truly do......i mean i just love her personality and shes funny and shes jsut everything i want...i would do anythign for her.....im just always worried that shes gonan hurt me agian now though......and im pretty sure she loves me or at least feels strongly about me....she says it repeatly and ive heard from her friend that hate her now that she always told them she "loves me very much".

 

i dunno...its so confusing lately

[sidhat]

I think you should be normal near her and just act like I dont care about you.. I know its hard but all girls likes MAN.. she will realize 1 day and again comes back .. but you have to be normal... be carefull just tell her that I can live happy without you..

 

just do like this 3 weeks ,, Change your dressing become kool and act like you are happy near her.. dont give her importance...Girls usually play around.. keep going forward and do partying and stuff ..

 

GOOD LUCK in future..

[EagleBFD]

alrite i tried it....try to just let thigns be.....one nite i was at work so we were texting each other back and forth..and i knew she was at some stores...and she jsut started driving so i worry alittle abotu her.....mid convo she jsut stops...i called her after work she never answered.......i didn't hear from her the rest of the nite...the next day i texted her while she was in school to make sure evething was ok.....no response.......that nite i called her and no answer...no call back.....the next day i called her no answer agian...so i called her after work that nite and she answered the fone liek annoyed at me...and i told her i was worried cus its not liek her to just ignore my calls....14 months seeing each other and she never has......so we kidna got into a fight....and made up....the next nite we got into a figth and made up.....but tonite she went to hang out with this guy and her girlfriend......i found out that she never hung otu wiht her girlfriend like she told me....so shes been aloen with this guy all nite.........i cant help but be worried.

 

 

 

the past couple of months have been a rollercoaster of emotions for me.....saying good bye to her when she moved.....spending time cuddling on our beach with her when she came to visit....it was sad and happy...but it was always about us.......when she moved back i lost her.....i lost her forever i feel...and even though she says she loves me i dont think she does...and i think things will never be the same agian...i dont feel my feelings will ever subside for her...but i realize that she cant feel the same way about me if she treats me liek this.....i cant move on....ive tried so hard...i just cant...i dont want to get over her...i dont ever wanna forget the way i felt when things were good with us....but i know i have to move on....i think this could be the hardest thing ive ever had to do.....i just dont have the courage to let go.... i dont know what to do....i think i need professional help.....she has changed me as a person...my parents see it, ive lost almost all my close friends over her.....all of a sudden i flip out on my best friend whenever she says anythign that makes me a little upset.......im scared..i feel like my life will never be normal again

[Azure13]

I know this is easier said than done, but there's only one thing you have to do: Let her go. Stop agonizing over everything.. no offense, but this girl is acting like a total nutjob. Love isn't about emotionally torturing someone over and over. Let her go, I know its hard but you will find yourself feeling 110 percent better after wards. And guess what, you will even find someone who WON'T treat you like dirt. Trust me I've been in your shoes! The way you are describing it, it does not sound like a healthy reltionship and love cannot exist within an abusive/unhealthy relationship (obviously she doesn't abuse you physically, but emotionally she does).

 

To stop thinking about someone you really love I know is hard, thats why you should take this time to fill up your days with other things to take your mind off of her. You need to stop talking to her for as long as possible or as long as it takes for you to get over her. Hang out with your friends, study, get a hobby, do anything to fill your days up and avoid thinking about HER.

 

Trust me just try it and see what happens .

[Cecelius]

Re: Trouble understanding how my girlfriend thinks

 

shes also young...16 when we started dating 17 now....

 

You answered your own question -- she feels, she doesn't think. The more guys into her, the more she feels.

 

Have a good time with her, protect your heart in ALL cases. If she disrespects you, dump her, but do not ever imagine that she "thinks".