The good breakups are the worst

[StillHopeful88]

Letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things you can do. I find that the older I get, the more realistic I am with breakups. I find myself faced with the same emotions as I had in the past, and wondering if i'm making a big mistake. However, I know i'm making the right decision because for whatever reason, I know this won't work out in the future.

 

I think the hardest thing to accept is that this person will no longer be your go to person. You can no longer call them whenever you want, complain about those little things going on in your life, and ultimately they are no longer yours. Someone else will have the privilege to call that person their own one day, and it breaks my heart. He's no longer mine and i'm no longer his.

 

I'm not looking for advice, because as my title says, this was a "good" breakup. I decided it wouldn't work out (for reasons i'm going to keep private), but he understood and we ended it with a civil talk. It's so much easier to deal with a break up when you hate the other person or when they did something horrible.

 

Anyway, this forum has always helped me get over breakups because it truly makes me feel like i'm not alone. If anyone is going through the same problem as me right now please feel free to share your story. I know it's going to be okay one day, but these initial feelings are the worst to deal with.

 

Still Hopeful.

[nick66]

I disagree, my ex-wife of 16 years and I are still great friends, in fact, she still says I'm her best friend. We have 3 kids together and I like the fact that we get along. I would hate for my kids to become adults and only remember how much their parents hated each other.

 

I don't have time for hate or resentment in my life. I would rather have a great relationship with my ex than one filled with hatred.

[SooSad33]

Noo it's NOT much better if the BU is from something horrible. It's just as hard, I think- if not more.

Being lied to.. rejected... cheated on..totally ruins you.

[nick66]

Noo it's NOT much better if the BU is from something horrible. It's just as hard, I think- if not more.

Being lied to.. rejected... cheated on..totally ruins you.

 

It can only ruin you if you allow it too. Nobody has control over you, you determine how you want to feel. Of course in the beginning it's tough, I went through it and it was hell. I made the decision to forgive my ex and I've done so. She has to live with what she's done and the poor decisions she's made, not me.

 

Like I said, I don't have time to dwell on the negative stuff I went through.

[Twidom]

It can only ruin you if you allow it too. Nobody has control over you, you determine how you want to feel. Of course in the beginning it's tough, I went through it and it was hell. I made the decision to forgive my ex and I've done so. She has to live with what she's done and the poor decisions she's made, not me.

 

Like I said, I don't have time to dwell on the negative stuff I went through.

 

It's not that easy for most people. Just because you can move on faster it doesn't mean it's less worse. It does ruin people.

 

Have you ever been cheated ? I know both sides of the coin and I can say being lied to like that is definetly worse.

[nick66]

It's not that easy for most people. Just because you can move on faster it doesn't mean it's less worse. It does ruin people.

 

Have you ever been cheated ? I know both sides of the coin and I can say being lied to like that is definetly worse.

 

Yes, that's why I divorced my wife. In the end only you have control over you and your feelings. Of course it hurts, i went through hell this past year and it's documented here in the divorce thread. All I'm saying is that I'd rather get along with my ex than have hate or resentment towards her.

 

Of course not everyone can do it, that's why everyone heals at their own pace.

[lostgirl123]

i disagree that it'll be much easier getting over a breakup if the other person did something horrible. you wouldn't want to heal your scars with hate. not to mention that it will make you so closed off for another relationship. and even if you enter a new relationship you'll bring in all of your insecurities from the last relationship.

 

the best breakups are the breakups that are amicable like yours because it makes you hopeful that there are more guys like him out there that will be much more compatible with you.

[Hazyillusions]

^ I disagree

 

It's hard in different ways. My ex was amazing, we mutually broke up due to circumstantial reasons (he had to go home overseas).

 

Do you have any idea how hard it is to accept things and remember all the good memories? He made me so happy. It's so f hard.

[Lec]

I have a strange question.

Even if it was a good break up, have you gone through a stage of distantiation before ending the relationship?

[kz91]

I don't know why but this made me cry.

 

You're right, letting go of someone you love is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. It's even harder when you realise the other person has already let go of you.

[Live-N-Learn]

I think the main difference is that in a good break up you question if you did the right thing. Much easier in those lonely moments to question your decision and focus on all the good things and not why you decided to end it.

 

In a bad break up where there may have been cheating and such, you don't question if its the right decision but have to struggle with the pain of their actions.

 

Overall, I would still say amicable breakups are easier.

[StillHopeful88]

I think the main difference is that in a good break up you question if you did the right thing. Much easier in those lonely moments to question your decision and focus on all the good things and not why you decided to end it.

 

In a bad break up where there may have been cheating and such, you don't question if its the right decision but have to struggle with the pain of their actions.

 

Overall, I would still say amicable breakups are easier.

 

Yes! Exactly what I meant but I can definitely see why a "bad" breakup would be harder to deal with because of the anger lies etc.

[Aaron Hodges]

To be honest, my ex started an emotional relationship and then ran away with the guy. It was hard when I thought it was just circumstances. It got SO much worse when I realised everything else that had been going on. Because now not only do I have all that anger, I have regrets about every little thing I did wrong. And you know what, it doesn't just kill that love you had for them either. I still desperately wish I could have a second chance...

 

Yes! Exactly what I meant but I can definitely see why a "bad" breakup would be harder to deal with because of the anger lies etc.