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Online "relationship" was a sham


sleepingdonut

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I talked to this girl (hope it was a girl) online on and off for almost three years. There weren't any romantic overtones until at least a year in, but then we were kind of on and off. Anyways, don't feel like telling the whole long story--just that today I found out she had been stealing pictures off someone else's facebook and pretending they were her. Once I confronted her about it, she tried to dodge it, but then she vanished offline and deleted her own facebook (which was always a bit sparse and suspicious, I guess).

 

Sucks. Told myself a long time ago I'd never do another online relationship, but slowly got pulled in to this one.

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There is no such thing as online relationship. If you are just chatting with someone online and not meeting, then you are pen pals. Relationships are in real life in real time, face to face. People use online as a tool to meet people, as in set up dates in real life. If someone is not interested in meeting, you drop them and move on unless you are actually looking for a fantasy pen pal.

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I don't get online relationships where you don't ever meet( rather quickly). I understand people meet online and there feels like a "thing" there, but you have no way or idea of knowing whether or not that "thing" is going to extend into day to day life.

 

What do you get out of it? Genuine question, no snark, when you carry on a virtual relationship with someone like that, for that long? Is it like....emotional intimacy without the risks?

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Yeah, I was never under any illusion that it was a true romantic relationship. That's why I put the word in quotes. But any time you connect with a person, whether it be a friend, family, or an intimate partner, it is a relationship. So i meant the word in that sense.

 

We never met or talked on the phone--she lived thousands of miles away in a different country. And we never claimed to be exclusive during the times we were talking "intimately" online--in fact, we both encouraged each other at times to find someone local because we knew the extreme odds/impossibility of our own relationship ever becoming a real in-person relationship. But regardless of all of that, it really seemed like we had a strong connection as friends, and I thought there was trust and honesty about who we were.

 

She did send me some videos, some of them of an intimate nature, and I am left wondering where she pulled those from. But I encouraged her not to send those anymore due to the risk of sending that kind of material over the internet, plus I valued our conversation much more than anything else.

 

It just hurts to lose a connection with a person that I really thought understood me. There's no one else like that that I've met.

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I talked to this girl (hope it was a girl) online on and off for almost three years. There weren't any romantic overtones until at least a year in, but then we were kind of on and off. Anyways, don't feel like telling the whole long story--just that today I found out she had been stealing pictures off someone else's facebook and pretending they were her. Once I confronted her about it, she tried to dodge it, but then she vanished offline and deleted her own facebook (which was always a bit sparse and suspicious, I guess).

 

Sucks. Told myself a long time ago I'd never do another online relationship, but slowly got pulled in to this one.

 

 

She's what's known as a "Catfish". When someone reels you in by using fake profiles, fake pictures yet never seeing them in person.

 

Best thing is to insist upon meeting as soon as possible. If they balk, drop them, block them and keep moving.

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Well, your emotional connection may have been somewhat real.. she may have just been a girl who was ashamed about how she looked (maybe very fat, or something, and thought you would like her better with someone else's photos). I think you're better off without her though, now, since you now know that she will lie about something extremely significant.

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I went through something like this when I was 13. My friend invited me to this site and I started talking to this guy who was 14. Eventually he asked me out (although we never saw a picture of the one another). We talked on the phone and few times. I spoke to his best friend too and even his little brother. On my end it lasted a year, and I say this because I come from a family with a strong lack of patience and control over their temper (mine is 1000x better though), I got angry at the fact that we sometimes didn't talk for weeks and one night I deleted my account, which I regret even to this day.

 

A couple years later, I get curious so I look for him on Facebook and Google since I knew his first and last name. Based on what I found, turns out he was actually that same person that I knew. And being the extremely socially awkward person that I am, I left it alone even though I really wanted to talk to him again.

 

I miss what he and I had and I always find myself thinking about him and what it might be like if I hadn't made that choice. This taught me about relationships in a way, however odd it may be.

 

Anyways, try to take something positive from this if you can, just for your sake. She hurt you and I hope you can get back to normal and be happy again. She couldn't face her reality before she met you and and obviously not after you confronted her, so she ran. One day you'll find someone who actually deserves your time, until then just live for yourself.

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