How to survive anxiety/depression/family?

[bluemoon]

Hi guys

 

over the past couple of months it seems that my anxiety has doubled and emerges whenever there is a stressor.

A lot of the time my anxiety is quite subdued and just results in my feeling unsettled and at panicked. When this happens- sometimes in the company of another person I feel put off by their company and then ultimately think this has to do something with the relationship I have with them and my thoughts run amok and I want to run away.

Other times when it's more extreme I start to feel tight chested and overwhelmed , and paralysed and concentrating is extremely difficult as y head seems to be filled with 'white noise'.

 

I feel anxiety almost every day and mostly it just feels like I'm going through the motions. There are occassions where I feel fine, but it seems that as soon as I realise that I'm fine .. my head finds something to be not fine about.

 

I'm constantly living in an in between state and I don't really know what my real emotions are, where something actually doesn't feel right- or if it's just my anxiety making me anxious.

 

I also suffer from depression and have been for the last 4 years. I've tried regular exercise but have found this to be just a temporary relief. Going for walks is not an option for me as I find myself more with my thoughts when I'm alone on a walk. Finding a hobby also- I love being creative but have found that this actually has created more pressure onto me and makes me increasingly frustrated when I don't perform to my standards and am unable to continue something.

 

My main stressors are my parents.

The question is, how do I cope living in a toxic relationship with my parents? It destroys the little confidence I have in myself.

I currently don't have enough money to move out- which would be ideal as living at home increasingly makes me stressed and feel incapable/demotivated.

College also makes me stressed as my course is very intensive and I often don't feel as if I can perform to the standards I know I could.

 

 

I attend counselling, however talking about my issues from the past has seemed to make me more distressed and stupid. I feel that I need solutions and advice to tackle what's wrong rather than to just spill my guts and have somebody tell me my way of thinking is flawed. I started a course of medicine a while ago, but had to stop it because it would make me too groggy in the mornings from taking it too late the previous night- which made me unable to get early for college and if I took my meds at an earlier time I would become to sleepy and unable to continue the college work I would need to complete.

 

Feeling pretty stuck and unhappy.

Don't really feel present anywhere, really just want to escape myself and everything in my life

[DancingFool]

Try finding someone who specializes and has a lot of experience in behavioral modification therapy specifically. They will teach you constructive ways/methods to deal with the problems you are facing that are more tailored for you. Which sounds like something you actually need instead of just talking, which is making you get stuck even more on your problems. Everyone is different and sometimes you have to seek a different approach that works for you. Not every therapist or psychiatrist will be a good fit for you due to their own training and preferred approach. You need to find one whose methods actually help you move forward in a constructive way.

[dali]

Have you tried Benzo's? Valium or Xanax or Clonazepam should do the trick and elevate any physical issues.

[bluemoon]

Try finding someone who specializes and has a lot of experience in behavioral modification therapy specifically. They will teach you constructive ways/methods to deal with the problems you are facing that are more tailored for you. Which sounds like something you actually need instead of just talking, which is making you get stuck even more on your problems. Everyone is different and sometimes you have to seek a different approach that works for you. Not every therapist or psychiatrist will be a good fit for you due to their own training and preferred approach. You need to find one whose methods actually help you move forward in a constructive way.

 

Yes that's the exact approach I actually need!

The only problem is that I can't afford a specialised psychiatrist. A proper session could cost me around 80-90 euro and as a student this isn't something I can afford.

My parents don't want to spend money on it. My mother is in denial and she calls the shots in our household. My parents are separated but my father wont even talk to me so I can't even approach him.

The only choice I got are the services my college provides. I think there are some free meditation classes in the city, those are another option I've been considering.

[bluemoon]

Have you tried Benzo's? Valium or Xanax or Clonazepam should do the trick and elevate any physical issues.

 

I've been on xanax but those aren't really options I want to consider as they can be quite addictive. The med I'm on is non-addictive.

It's just a problem of taking it regularly because it makes me so groggy. It was prescribed to help me to get to sleep at night- which it does wonderfully though I often can't get up in the morning then.

 

im really stuck for options, can't afford proper therapy.

 

how can I help myself?

[DancingFool]

Try meditation, see if they have someone on campus who uses a different approach. They might have that as well. Try other sports, something that takes more out of you, makes you focus. For instance, jogging, biking - bore me to tears. I'll do it only when I'm utterly desperate for exercise in any form. So, maybe join some work out group. I don't know about UK, but in the US there are tons of groups out there centered on keeping the exercises unique, so you are not doing the same routine all the time. The group thing also might keep you focused on task, etc.

 

You sound determined to change things and that's already one half of the battle won. I think maybe try different things on your own and see what works. The only piece of advice I have for you though is that with anything you try, at first it might seem great, but then you will hit a sharp incline where the going gets tough and old habits/thought patterns come right back. It's critical at that point to persevere and not give up on what you are doing. You kind of need to push over that hump and it's not easy.

 

It sounds like a part of your issue is that you are a perfectionist. So maybe google and see if you can find some exercises on how to get past being a perfectionist. There have to be some materials/advice out there. Same as above, persevere, because overcoming your thinking patterns in tough and takes time.

[SooSad33]

Hi blue,

 

I can understand much of what you're talking about. I suffer with them as well. I am on 2 med's.

Cipralex for my anxiety

Elavil for depression & sleep. (plus i take Melatonin for sleep).

 

Elavil is something I agree, can make you drousy, BUT the Cipralex may be good for you to look into, as it's helpful with the anxiety at least. And Melatonin is natural, you can get at pharmacy etc. (5-10 mg).

 

As for therapy, i am also doing that & so far, it's not necessarily affecting me. Other things can trigger me though, yes.

Not sure what else to suggest? Any ways you can get assistance to be able to move out of there?

No friends with rooms to rent out or any rooms for rent?

 

What may also help is to write.. or your music? That can help direct the brain elsewhere.

 

Anyways... just some suggestions. Dont give up on everything yet. always alternate solutions.

May I also suggest a health food store? They always have things for depression. As well as upping your vitamins (B12, and Magnesium) etc.

[dali]

I've been on xanax but those aren't really options I want to consider as they can be quite addictive. The med I'm on is non-addictive.

It's just a problem of taking it regularly because it makes me so groggy. It was prescribed to help me to get to sleep at night- which it does wonderfully though I often can't get up in the morning then.

 

im really stuck for options, can't afford proper therapy.

 

how can I help myself?

 

May I ask what is the Medication your on?

[bluemoon]

I've thought about the perfectionist part before but it feels more that I give up too easily because I'm so used to feeling like I'm failing at everything. It's more that my creativity feels stifled, like there are some massive blocks in my way. I know I am a creative person and have often have had people told me I'm talented but it feels as soon as I go to create my mind blocks me and my mind suddenly goes blank. I feel this is almost because I've added too much pressure onto myself and I don't enjoy the process as carefreely as I used to before I went into schooling. It doesn't feel like I'm doing anything for myself any more. It's more for either money, to gain respect from my parents or some other thing. I don't do it any more because it's become tedious and frustrating. I love it though and I know that there has to be away around this. It's mostly in my mind, but my mind is my reality and I don't really know how to change that.

 

I keep hoping that I meet people who are passionate, energized, motivated and welcoming. I love working with people, it'd be nice to find a group that gets together to make things happen. I don't know where I can find these people, it all seems to be about social status and what others think of you where I live.

 

As for jogging and cycling - I would love to do these. I used to run 3 times a week with a team and enjoyed that. Over the summer on holiday cycled everywhere. The problem is, where I live it's not very ideal for cycling and I don't really have anyone that lives close to me who I could do these things with as I would not go and do them on my own account.

[bluemoon]

I find it difficult to direct my brain any where positive. It's probably because it's uncomfortable and not something I'm used to? The problem is when I'm doing something my brain finds a way to direct me back into procrastination which is safe and not really the best.

 

I can't really get any more assistance. I'm already getting student assistance from the government and also some support from my dad..

However renting here is really expensive and I wouldn't be able to survive. I was renting away from home last year in a different city with cheaper rent and then I managed to just about scrape by. It a shock to be living back at home after knowing what true independence is really like. I don't have many friends. The ones I do have are happy living at home/can't afford to move out. I'm looking into it at the moment.

 

What exactly is the Cirpralex? What exactly is it prescribed for and how often do you take it? Is it just something you take whenever you feel anxious?

[bluemoon]

May I ask what is the Medication your on?

 

Remeron. I haven't been taking it regularly it makes me feel quite lifeless when I try to get back onto it now, life gets into the way

can't afford to go to the doctor to be prescribed something different and parents wont pay consultation fee

[Liraele]

Is there anything you can do to remove the key triggers from your life, or at least limit your interaction with them? Changing hours, etc?

 

To me, that would seem like a good first step. I'm not a huge fan of medications, though I know that some people do need them. .

 

Do you have any natural methods for coping with your anxiety that have worked for you? It sounds like you've tried exercise. Have you tried meditation? Yoga? Mind/body/spirit balance can go a long way towards helping anxiety.

 

Do you journal?

 

Have you considered taking self-defense classes? (These are a huge confidence booster.) Martial arts also tend to be huge confidence boosters...and can help you manage stress, anxiety, and self-confidence issues while giving you the physical exercise that boosts the happy hormones.

 

Have you sat down and talked to your parents? Even if they don't change, it puts them on notice that they are causing you additional stress/anxiety and gets it off your chest.

[DancingFool]

Knowing that you can do better, being unsatisfied with what you have done is all part and parcel of being a perfectionist. Let it go too far and it starts to cripple you where you just don't feel like doing anything because you can't live up to your inner critic. So you do need to tackle that and look up some coping/management mechanisms for it.

 

Other than that, you are attending uni, right? So there must be all kinds of social groups, clubs, organizations on campus that you can get involved with and they are usually free or very low cost. Look on link removed as well for any groups that might interest you or even take the incentive to start a group of your own. There must be people out there who are into the things you are into. Even if you just end up making one friend out of it who inspires you, then it's all been worth it.

 

Basically, don't sit and complain how things are bad, but then immediately quit before you find a solution. Finding solutions means being really stubborn and determined. You just don't let minor nuisances get in the way of your goals.

 

Sit and write down your big goal - find a new hobby that excites me

Break it down into steps - join new clubs, join new activities, go out more with existing friends, try things I don't think I'll like just because, keep an open mind, say yes to every single invitation to go out and hang out even if I don't feel like doing it ( I will persevere and have fun)

Break it down further - today I will do this, tomorrow I will do y, the day after I will do y and add z, etc.

Most important - don't quit!

[bluemoon]

Hi Liraele thanks for your comment.

 

I'm going to look into doing some meditation. The only way I can take away my key triggers is if I get myself organised and move out from home.

The organisation is something I can work on for the moment, though I really can't move out from home.

 

I used to do martial arts when I was younger for 4 years and ended really disliking it towards the last few years because I didn't enjoy it any more and forced to go to it.

 

Talking to my parents is absolutely useless. It makes me feel even worse after because they'll tell me 1000 things that I'm doing wrong and even more reasons why I shouldn't be unhappy and then compare me to others. It doesn't my feelings feel valid and I feel unsupported and alone. It's been like this since I've been young. I've never felt my emotional needs were accepted by my parents. I attempted suicide a few years ago and when I told my mother about a year later that I had tried before she just dismissed it. It's no use telling them what causes me extra stress and anxiety because they are causing me extra. My mother is in denial, and my stepdad thinks I can cope on my own. My father cut me out his life the moment I tried to confide in him when I thought I might not emotionally well.

[bluemoon]

You're right thought I think being a perfectionist is essential when you create. Otherwise you wouldn't push your limits.

For me it's more I'm afraid of failure because of external perfectionist standards- i.e my parents. I never feel like anything is good enough. It's more that I'm afraid of not being good enough for them..

I've lost myself over the years and need to start doing things again because I want to do them and not because someone expects me to do it. The voice in my head isn't my own, mainly it's a mixture of all the negative I have heard at home. I can give you an example: In my end of year exams I did exceptionally well considering everything I had been through in the previous year. The first thing my mum says ? 'What how can you get such a good score, you didn't deserve it'

This pretty much sums up how I feel about most of my accomplishments and this is why I don't even feel like trying most of the time. Regaining power over my own thoughts is something that's very difficult..

 

I'm attending Uni and there was one club I wanted to go to but couldn't attend this year because I was responsible for collecting my brother on that night. On other nights I'm unable to attend anything because my college course is so intensive. I don't really have time for much. If I go out with friends, my parents will lay into me .. tell me I party too much and am irresponsible. There's no winnning with them.

I only have two friends. One brings me down because she's mainly grumpy and depressed when we're together when I try to be light hearted and cheery and it makes me feel heavy, the other friendship I've lost trust in.

I've never been good at making or keeping healthy friendships. My boyfriend is the only person who I feel 100% comfortable around but even this is being permeated by my constant anxiety.

 

 

It's little steps. Journals don't work for me. I'd be able to keep it up for about a week and then start to feel really pathetic that I would have to discontinue it

[bluemoon]

Sit and write down your big goal - find a new hobby that excites me

Break it down into steps - join new clubs, join new activities, go out more with existing friends, try things I don't think I'll like just because, keep an open mind, say yes to every single invitation to go out and hang out even if I don't feel like doing it ( I will persevere and have fun)

Break it down further - today I will do this, tomorrow I will do y, the day after I will do y and add z, etc.

Most important - don't quit!

 

the saying yes to every single invitation doesn't work. I've been there done that.

A) my family tell me i'm irresponsible, selfish, wreckless

B) I'm restless, usually don't enjoy peoples company and end up too much in my head

C) the having fun bit works, if you enjoy the other persons company to some extent, it doesn't resolve the nagging notion that you'd rather be somewhere else

 

thanks for your words, some were helpful and ima try apply these