Is Dating Nowadays More Dysfunctional Then In The Past?

[Mesemene]

I agree it's great that it is more acceptable. Amazingly, a lot of people, including young girls, do not report emotional and/or physical abuse. Sad

 

Agreed. Some still feel, especially if the abuser is popular, or has social status higher than theirs, they would rather "deal with it" and keep the conferred status than become an outcast by speaking up. It's definitely a problem, for more than just abuse. Despite the anti-bullying laws, it doesn't stop kids from ignoring and ostracizing others until they're complete outcasts for doing the right thing.

[Rosti87]

I agree with other posters on this thread that state that antics used in dating have not changed its the medium and tools that are used that have changed. Cyberdating and social media just amplifies what has always been out there.

 

1) Do you really think that the wives of 17th, 18th and 19th century men were informed when their husbands had STDs? Even when they discovered they got them from their husbands many husbands never owned up to it.

 

2) Throughout the centuries people marry others for practical reasons like "I need a title," or " I need money," or "I need to increase my status." Before the 2nd half of the 20th century, most marriages were seldom based purely upon love but on more strategic reasons.

 

3) People dating others when they have not resolved their issues from past relationships has always been going on.

 

4) I just don't see any different in dating than it was 20, 30, 50, 70 100 years ago.

 

The medium we use not just exposes it so it appears like there is 'more' of it going on.

[missmarple]

NO, NO, NO. It's stuff like this that gets you ignored. Anything negative is a turn off. Sorry for raising my voice, but I think this is an important point.

 

I disagree. I've always had 'if you're married or in a relationship, stay away' in my profile and I never got ignored (to my knowledge). Why would I be if someone is single? The same thing on a male profile (regarding married women) is something I like reading, actually. On the other hand, I ignore men whose profiles say stuff like 'anything goes', 'open to anything'...etc etc

[quirky]

I don't think it's more dysfunctional, the only thing that's not conducive to a lasting relationship is the me me me mentality that seems to govern today's individualistic society. We all feel entitled. That doesn't help. Apart from that I actually think dating nowadays is better because we are all freer. Often more self aware too. People express themselves more, often enjoy their jobs more than before, fashion has developed so people look better, the Arts are very diverse..a lot of fun things have become very accessible. Dating is more accessible too because of online dating.

 

Granted we are more removed from nature and that is a void few realise.

 

I don't know why people say it's hard to meet someone genuine. It's only hard if you have a million of walls around you, suspicion and paranoia is never attractive. Vulnerability can be. But people's vulnerability often becomes lack of trust. If you are genuine you will attract genuine. Maybe what we need to realise is that everyone is hurt, everyone has issues and just see if our issues and strengths can compliment each other rather than see others as strangers out there to get us.

 

SeattleSigh, I get it about the post 3 years BU, I am 2 years later and still struggling a bit deep down. I struggle with the disappointment of it all. Just try and see it all afresh, there are good people out there, there is a woman waiting for someone like you who knows, try and go back to feeling young and have a sense of wonder about the world..who knows what life has in store. And life is for living, have a little faith in life..maybe it was meant to be like this. my best friend had his first good relationship at 43 and he is really happy now.

[radiohead20]

I think, too, we're now in a generation where it's acceptable to talk about things that were "not spoken of" in the past.

 

There are a ton of other things I can think of - therapy and counseling were rarely, if ever, spoken of. Psych problems were shoved under the carpet, to the detriment of the sufferers. So many things just "weren't done," and if they happened - it was kept as quiet, and hushed as fast, as possible, socially and familially.

 

 

Agreed, along the same lines as Ms Darcy's previous post.

 

 

It is almost like now, since people more open, people do not jump into things as quickly and a few previous reasons for dating (family line, income, rescue from poverty) are things of the past. Problems have just shifted to different areas.