Do I even bother?

[OCcutie79]

Hello all! It's been a very long time since I have posted on the site, but I am always reading posts on here. Looking for a little advice on an online dating situation. I feel like I have already made up my mind about what I'm going to do, but wanted to get some thoughts from others on this.

 

I have a profile on a free online dating site after spending a year or so on link removed. I've met a handful of guys online, but haven't really connected with any of them. All but one were great guys, but an in person connection is important for the relationship to blossom. Based on the lack of success there, I decided to move my profile to OKC even though I know/have realized you have to do A LOT of weeding through on there to find quality/people that are on the same page as you. I am not looking to just hook up - I am looking for someone to form a relationship with with the end goal of marriage/family.

 

I recently started talking to a guy that is around my age. I liked what he had to say in his profile, and his pictures weren't bad to look at! My only hesitation is he is currently a bartender. I am a working professional, work a typical M-F 9-5 job, make a decent living, live alone, etc. We haven't talked about his living situation yet, but I'm guessing with roommates. I know that's not horrible, but I am 34, and I feel like guys my age should be more financially stable and live on their own. We exchanged numbers the other day and have been texting a little bit, but I can tell his job as a bartender is going to be an issue for me. He works weekends and well, that's when I tend to unwind, relax and want to go out and do things.

 

He texted me after his shift ended on Sat night and asked me when a good time to text on Sunday with me would be. I just think that's weird. If you want to talk, just text or call me, don't try to schedule a texting session. So I wind up texting him early afternoon Sunday just to say hi, but never heard from him. No biggie, we just started talking this week. I get a text early this am with an excuse as to why he didn't text me, which was completely unnecessary and really just sent up red flags for me. All he had to say was he had a busy day and say hi today, not give me an excuse why he didn't text.

 

Since I am so on the fence with him, I checked out his facebook page and found out that he really is not someone I would date. He has a somewhat recent DUI, I'm guessing lost his license due to his DUI since he had posts about riding the bus, has been married before, broke off another engagement earlier this year, and hasn't even had a lot of stability as a bartender and has worked at quite a few places recently. Had I known all this before, I would have never even engaged in conversation with him. I hate the fadeout, think its completely rude since we are adults, but I have read that many people on here would prefer someone just silently disappear. I am sure this guy is a nice guy, but we are at COMPLETELY different places in our lives. We have never met, but have engaged in email/text messages. Do I just say that I don't think it's even worth meeting since I know that his work schedule will be an issue or do I just not respond to him.

 

What would you all do?

[missmarple]

I would email him saying I've thought about it and I decided I don't want to continue our communication. That's what I've done in similar cases in the past.

[savignon]

I don't think you owe him any explanation if you've never even met. He posted about his DUI on Facebook? That makes him an idiot on top of everything else.

Just don't text him again and if he texts TO ASK YOU OUT, then you can say you're not interested. I wouldn't stress about what to say unless he asks you out.

[Glowguy]

Fade out is appropriate with online dating if you haven't even met yet - in fact it's the norm. The lines are a little blurred after dating starts but even then it's pretty common. There is no harm in letting him know either but some people can take it the wrong way and get offended.

[OCcutie79]

I would email him saying I've thought about it and I decided I don't want to continue our communication. That's what I've done in similar cases in the past.

 

I think this is what I will wind up doing. While I appreciate all the feedback, while thinking about it further, we have been communicating, and I think that even though we haven't met, it's still rude to just stop communicating. I know that if he lost interest, I'd rather he tell me then just disappearing and leaving me hanging.

[mbee]

I think this is what I will wind up doing. While I appreciate all the feedback, while thinking about it further, we have been communicating, and I think that even though we haven't met, it's still rude to just stop communicating. I know that if he lost interest, I'd rather he tell me then just disappearing and leaving me hanging.

 

If you think it's rude to fade out, then definitely just write him a brief note. Glad you figured it out!

[Silverspring]

Since you haven't met the guy, I say just fade out. That's what I do! I don't know where you live, but if you're in a fairly large city, there should be plenty of good looking men between their upper 20s to early 40s with good jobs. I'm the same age as you and Match didn't get me anywhere either. OKC and Pof work much better for me.

[OCcutie79]

Since you haven't met the guy, I say just fade out. That's what I do! I don't know where you live, but if you're in a fairly large city, there should be plenty of good looking men between their upper 20s to early 40s with good jobs. I'm the same age as you and Match didn't get me anywhere either. OKC and Pof work much better for me.

 

I live in Orange County, CA, so there are many options available. Unfortunately, I am looking to meet a man that hasn't been married before and doesn't have children that is within a couple years above or below my age of 34. Unfortunately, in my area, it doesn't seem like there are as many options in my age range that fall into that category anymore. I was in a serious relationship in my late 20's where we had plans to marry, but thankfully I realized it wouldn't work before we married. I took some time off from dating to heal and work on myself and have spent the past four years dating.

 

After the time on match, and seeing the SAME people were on OKC, I decided I really didn't need to pay for the dating service. I just have to deal with ALOT of weirdos and guys just looking for sex contacting me. Dating is exhausting!!!!

[missmarple]

The problem with fading out is that the other person may continue pestering you. Not that he couldn't still do it if you tell him flat out you're not interested but, at least, you'll know that you've been honest with them and they're just...well...crazy

[Ms Darcy]

It is not really even "online dating" if you have not met someone in person. Fade out if you want to ... it does not really even matter.

 

Given your age and what you want in a guy I think you are going to need to be more proactive than the online route.

 

Do some meetups and get out more.

[OCcutie79]

It is not really even "online dating" if you have not met someone in person. Fade out if you want to ... it does not really even matter.

 

Given your age and what you want in a guy I think you are going to need to be more proactive than the online route.

 

Do some meetups and get out more.

 

LOL - Ms Darcy, please don't assume that I don't go out and meet people just because in this one situation I haven't met the guy in person yet.

[Ms Darcy]

LOL - Ms Darcy, please don't assume that I don't go out and meet people just because in this one situation I haven't met the guy in person yet.

 

Hey there. No, I wasn't basing my comments on that but rather on what you said here in your OP:

 

I have a profile on a free online dating site after spending a year or so on link removed. I've met a handful of guys online, but haven't really connected with any of them. All but one were great guys, but an in person connection is important for the relationship to blossom. Based on the lack of success there, I decided to move my profile to OKC even though I know/have realized you have to do A LOT of weeding through on there to find quality/people that are on the same page as you. I am not looking to just hook up - I am looking for someone to form a relationship with with the end goal of marriage/family.

[Batya33]

I would do the fade out and definitely not meet him or keep in touch.