Online dating: How long does a guy wait before he gives up?

[milly007]

Hi everyone, just curious to see what you think. A guy messaged me mid-November online. We started messaging each other back and forth right away. After about five days or so, he asked for my number. I gave it to him on Sunday night (two days after he asked for it), he texted me on Tuesday, and then called me on Thursday (first telephone conversation - I think it went well). He then texted me Friday night to see how I was (he plays hockey every Friday night), and then again on Saturday to see if I could meet for coffee that afternoon (he was meeting up with friends that night), or on Sunday. I told him I couldn't and mistakenly said, "I can't today. Maybe some other time?" (I know...not the best choice of words when you want someone to know you're interested). I had a work project to finish on Saturday, because I was planning on travelling out of town on Sunday to visit a sick family member. Due to the weather on Sunday, I didn't travel out of town and to be honest, I was too tired to meet up with him even though my out of town plans fell through. So I texted him Sunday night (because he may have seen me cruising the dating site on Sunday) to let him know what happened and why I didn't go out of town. He then texted me again on Tuesday (we exchanged messages for four hours!...I know, even I couldn't believe this), and he messaged me again on Friday asking how my day went and again on Saturday morning. Since I didn't travel out of town last weekend, I went this past Saturday instead. He told me to have fun, and I told him to enjoy his day as well. We left it at that.

 

I can't help but think that he's getting tired of the texting back and forth without meeting. I can't say I blame him.

 

How long do you guys wait before you give up on someone? I'm just curious.

 

There's a part of me that wants to meet this guy, but at the same time, I'm afraid that if I do meet him, he won't be the person I hope he is. Make sense? So I feel myself just delaying the meeting, to a certain extent (and to my own detriment, I'm sure).

 

My instinct is telling me that this guy is getting tired of it all.

 

Does anyone else find themselves delaying the meet-up?

 

Or am I the only one?

 

I find that I do this a lot. When I meet someone online, I look forward to meeting up with them, but I need to be pushed a fair amount to actually take that next step.

 

I just don't understand why I'm this way, because I would love to meet someone special.

 

Can anyone relate?

[annie24]

Why don't you write him, "I'd love to meet you - are you free on Wednesday or Thursday night?"

[milly007]

Thanks, annie24. I know either one of us has to step up to the plate here. I will admit that I'm reluctant to ask guys out. I'll let them know I'm interested, but turn to them to ask me out. It's just how I roll.

 

I should have rephrased my question though. I know either I have to set a date, or he does, to get this ball rolling. I do think, however, that the ball is in my court to schedule something because he was trying to move things along initially and meet-up until I said, "Maybe some other time?". Ugh, I know. To be honest, although I wanted to meet him, I was reluctant (and I'm like this all of the time!).

 

What I'm really wanting to know on this thread is, is anyone else like this? Do you delay meeting people that you're interested in?

 

I want to meet him, but I'm just not ready yet. Only problem is, I doubt he will wait around much longer.

 

I can't really explain why I do this. Can anyone relate?

 

The only thing I can think of is that I'm reluctant to meet him because I'm afraid he won't be the guy I've envisioned (and yes, I have seen pictures of him, talked to him on the phone, and exchanged numerous texts with him, but I've built a picture in my mind of who I hope he is. Make sense?)

 

I don't want to be disappointed, I guess.

[annie24]

with a first meet, you really need to keep expectations low. meet for an hour over coffee, a walk, ice cream, whatever. don't build up expectations - he may be nothing like his photo at all. you just need to meet, see if there is any interest there, before going on an actual DATE. just do it!

[Ms Darcy]

Why don't you write him, "I'd love to meet you - are you free on Wednesday or Thursday night?"

 

You are overthinking it OP. Just say what Annie suggests.

[RedDress]

The longer you wait to meet him, the more your "vision" will develop and the higher the chances that you will be disappointed.

 

Personally, I really think the ball is in your court. You basically rejected his offer of a date once and 'pre-emptively' rejected any notion of going on a date this weekend too by going out of town. I know that you say that you like to "show your interest" and then let guys ask you out... but you've been kind of doing the opposite. You have been showing your DISinterest and rejecting his advances.

 

I really think it's on you now to suggest a date...

[Lonewing]

I hate waiting any longer than humanly necessary.

 

As soon as it naturally feels like a meeting should be happening but isn't, I start losing interest to protect myself from the fall that might happen if I get too emotionally invested too soon. It's not because she isn't interesting, but until we meet, I have no expectations for anything to happen and it really sucks when you have two or three weeks emotionally invested into someone and then at the initial meeting you're not into them, or they're not into you, and poof, they disappear. Take the positive energy, the anticipation, the positive potential, and then wipe it all out. It just sucks. Or the other category, you find out about their personality, including a laundry list of items that are simply incompatible.

 

Or worse, after a week or two weeks of talking, you say something and poof, they're gone, and you have no idea what you said. Or you find out they can't deal with something, and to be honest, as much as it sucks to see it end, I'd rather be alone than lie by omission. My woman, I can be honest with her, and she can be honest with me, because what we have goes deeper and we keep each other in check. Alas, I have not yet met her.

 

Some day...

 

The biggest problem about having time and not meeting is that it makes you look like a flake [if you botch a number of meets], unavailable [you have too much going on for a relationship], or uninterested. At the same time, you're playing the gamble that he Isn't looking at other girls [very unreasonable wish at this point], or that in your absence, he isn't picked up by someone who moves quicker.

 

Turning down a date would tell me to not get my hopes up. If you want to see him, you have to act.