My dad won't stop pressuring me to re-connect with my mom.

[oitnb]

Most of the regular posters here already know the situation that is going on with my mother. She's a drug addict, prescription pills and probably other drugs too.

 

For the past couple weeks I've tried very hard to just have no contact with her whatsoever. It's hard, but every time I give her a chance she does something to make me regret it. The most recent thing she did that was the straw that broke the camels back, is she came storming into my house after hearing some BS rumors my drug addict ex said, basically accusing my new boyfriend of being sadistic in bed and abusive.

 

That was it for me. If she really knew me and was in a clear state of mind, she would know that those rumors were total hogwash and would stand up for me whist talking to said EX, instead of taking it out on ME.

 

Anyways, as I said since then I've had no contact with her. She texts me everyday begging to talk, and I never reply, if I do I simply say "well talk when you go to rehab". She adamantly denies having a drug problem. Says it's all in the past. Yeah, oooookkaaayy.

 

Recently she contacted my dad saying she's going to kill herself and all of this other bs. Since then, every time I see my dad he tells me I need to talk to her. Uh, no! Wouldn't he of all people understand? Apparently not.

 

It's so frustrating. On top of it all, I have no one to spend thanksgiving with. My dad is already ditching his family and spending thanksgiving with his girlfriends family, knowing id be uncomfortable there and would much rather spend it with it with my cousins and grandfather, and I refuse to spend it with my mom. My dad feels guilty and obviously wants me to spend it with my mom to help relieve his guilt. Ugh.

 

Idk what to do.

[KarenC]

Bless your heart!

 

Wow, you're dealing with a lot and only you know how you feel inside, however; you must think outside of the box because these are your parents that you're talking about.

 

I've learned from personal experiences in my life and based upon the actions of others that life is short and sometimes if/when people threaten suicide, they sometimes follow through with it.

 

I had a 19 year old Cousin that hung herself in July of this year and there was a guy that I grew up with that went to his Mothers house and shot himself in the head (he had been threatened to kill himself for years and in 2011 he went through with it and it devastated us).

 

Your Mother realizes that she's at her worse but she just doesn't want to admit it and maybe your Father constantly encourages you to spend time w/your Mother because he possibly knows something that you don't.

 

Your Mother needs you and one day you will need her because family is precious and life is short.

 

Hugs!

[KarenC]

This is indeed a sad post and through your words; I can feel your annoyance, sadness, and frustration.

 

If you don't spend time with your Mother for the Holiday, please try to spend time with your Grandfather.

 

BTW, your Father should want to be with his own family because he isn't leading by example.

 

He has his own family {children} so he should cherish that.

[abitbroken]

I would sit dad down when he is not in a flustered mode and tell him that you understand his point of view, but you will not be talking to mom until she turns away from drugs. You will talk to your mom once she has entered rehab and made some progress. If she is telling him she will kill herself, then he is free to call 911 or to take her to a hospital or rehab facility. You are not a medical professional nor a counselor. The threat of suicide could be real or could be a cry for help or to grab attention. based on you cutting her out very recently, I wouldn't rule out that she is trying to get your attention. I really do think professional intervention is the only way here.

 

If she is truly set on doing it, the contact from you is not going to prevent her from doing it - it will only delay it slightly. If it is just a ruse, you are back to where you are started with your drug addicted mother wedging back in so she can manipulate you, steal from you, and wreck havoc with her addiction. You have to let someone hit rock bottom so they will get real help. And she doesn't want to. She wants everyone to talk to her like normal so she can prove she doesn't have a problem and it is all you

[oitnb]

This is indeed a sad post and through your words; I can feel your annoyance, sadness, and frustration.

 

If you don't spend time with your Mother for the Holiday, please try to spend time with your Grandfather.

 

BTW, your Father should want to be with his own family because he isn't leading by example.

 

He has his own family {children} so he should cherish that.

 

My dad has only been recently dating his gf, he does however have two children with her, they were conceived when he had an affair with her years ago. So, I understand him wanting to spend the holiday with them, but atleast have it at your house and invite YOUR side of the family as well, instead of tossing me, my grandfather, and my fathers brother to the wayside.

 

I'll probably spend thanksgiving with my grandfather.

[oitnb]

I would sit dad down when he is not in a flustered mode and tell him that you understand his point of view, but you will not be talking to mom until she turns away from drugs. You will talk to your mom once she has entered rehab and made some progress. If she is telling him she will kill herself, then he is free to call 911 or to take her to a hospital or rehab facility. You are not a medical professional nor a counselor. The threat of suicide could be real or could be a cry for help or to grab attention. based on you cutting her out very recently, I wouldn't rule out that she is trying to get your attention. I really do think professional intervention is the only way here.

 

I think it's a cry for attention to get me to talk to her. I need to do something, set up and intervention or something but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't do anything because she flat out denies doing drugs. She's in complete and utter denial and has been since before I can remember.

[KarenC]

My dad has only been recently dating his gf, he does however have two children with her, they were conceived when he had an affair with her years ago. So, I understand him wanting to spend the holiday with them, but atleast have it at your house and invite YOUR side of the family as well, instead of tossing me, my grandfather, and my fathers brother to the wayside.

 

I'll probably spend thanksgiving with my grandfather.

 

Awwwh, this is about to make me cry!!!

 

I feel your hurt.

 

Yes, he should and you should mention that to him and say those very words to him too...Even if you have to go off on him and cry!!!

 

You are a very bright soul and/so whatever that day may bring...Just make the best of it!!!

 

Life is so short and your Father's Father will not always be there so he should enjoy that Godly Flower as long as God blesses him with it (his Children, Father, and Brother, etc)...Besides, his other children are your Siblings as well so he shouldn't want any separation between his Children.

[oitnb]

Awwwh, this is about to make me cry!!!

 

I feel your hurt.

 

Yes, he should and you should mention that to him and say those very words to him too...Even if you have to go off on him and cry!!!

 

You are a very bright soul and/so whatever that day may bring...Just make the best of it!!!

 

Life is so short and your Father's Father will not always be there so he should enjoy that Godly Flower as long as God blesses him with it (his Children, Father, and Brother, etc)...Besides, his other children are your Siblings as well so he shouldn't want any separation between his Children.

 

I told him that, and how I'd much rather him have it at his house and invite both sides of the family, and he really didn't care too much. "/

 

He acted like I was being silly for being uncomfortable spending thanksgiving with an entire family I don't know and not having any of my cousins or aunts and uncle there.

[KarenC]

I told him that, and how I'd much rather him have it at his house and invite both sides of the family, and he really didn't care too much. "/

 

He acted like I was being silly for being uncomfortable spending thanksgiving with an entire family I don't know and not having any of my cousins or aunts and uncle there.

 

No, you're not being silly...You're being wise and a PEACEMAKER!!!

 

He should listen to you.

[abitbroken]

I think it's a cry for attention to get me to talk to her. I need to do something, set up and intervention or something but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't do anything because she flat out denies doing drugs. She's in complete and utter denial and has been since before I can remember.

 

The only thing you can do is to get dad on the same page. Start the subject with him not when he is already rattled about it. Invite him to lunch or coffee or something. Just so he is not in crusade mode and is receptive. It is mom's best interest if everyone has the single mind to not let her manipulate

 

Ditto that all other relatives who agree with how she is. If everyone is a united front and gives her the same responses, everything is better off.

 

I think its okay if dad goes to Thanksgiving with his girlfriend.My boyfriend and I have to rotate holidays now between families. Are the Grandpa and cousins on your mom or dad's side?

[abitbroken]

I told him that, and how I'd much rather him have it at his house and invite both sides of the family, and he really didn't care too much. "/

 

He acted like I was being silly for being uncomfortable spending thanksgiving with an entire family I don't know and not having any of my cousins or aunts and uncle there.

 

Do you mean girlfriend's side and his side or dad's side and mom's side?

[oitnb]

The only thing you can do is to get dad on the same page. Start the subject with him not when he is already rattled about it. Invite him to lunch or coffee or something. Just so he is not in crusade mode and is receptive. It is mom's best interest if everyone has the single mind to not let her manipulate

 

Ditto that all other relatives who agree with how she is. If everyone is a united front and gives her the same responses, everything is better off.

 

I think its okay if dad goes to Thanksgiving with his girlfriend.My boyfriend and I have to rotate holidays now between families. Are the Grandpa and cousins on your mom or dad's side?

 

I've been considering contacting all my moms sisters and sitting down with them and trying to get them on the same page as me for awhile now.

 

And the family i was referring to when it came to thanksgiving is my fathers side.

[oitnb]

Do you mean girlfriend's side and his side or dad's side and mom's side?

 

Girlfriends side and dads side. I'm not very close with my moms side of the family.

[pl3asehelp]

I'd tell him firmly this has to end and what he consequences will be if it doesn't.

[ParisPaulette]

You tell your dad if he's so worried about your mom he can go spend time with her, but you are sticking to your guns--she needs to go to rehab. It hurts now, and I'm sure you dad only makes a fuss because he's hoping you'll get your mom off his back, which is completely unfair to you. The fact is no one is holding a gun to your mom's head and it won't be until she loses enough and hits rock bottom that she'll likely go for help. In the meantime though it will be a pain in the keester no matter what you do, because loving an addict/alchoholic is never easy. Doubly worse if they're family and you can't just leave and go full NC. All you really can do is what you're already doing--refuse to enter the game and insist she get help. And to keep doing so to both her and your father. After a time they'll both give up when they see you aren't going to change or give in to pressure, but if you do they'll both keep sucking you back into that drama.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this, it's awful I know. I had an alcoholic father who finally got help, but not before alot of shed tears and pain. You might look into Al-Anon or find if there's a narcotics equivalent to that program, where you and other family and loved ones of addicts find support with each other. It also helps you understand what your momi is going through in a way that lets you love her, but still preserve your own sanity and maintain your own boundaries.