desperately need someone to tell me there is a way out of it

[mesmerized]

I've analyzed my situation.

 

1) Due to the fact that I'm not a native speaker (I'm European) most (95-98%) employers in China look the other way when I tell them I don't hold an US/NZ/CAN/UK/AUS passport (regardless of my experience or education)

 

2) My English has been only deteriorating here.

 

3) I'm a teacher by profession. Majored in English Education and English/American Literature. That limits my choices I believe.

 

4) Even though I'm in my late 20's I still think I could take up some studies. Studying gives me pleasure, no doubt about it. The question is...

 

--> Should I go for a BA in a totally unrelated field?

--> Should I try to go for a PhD related to my previous studies?

 

The only way is to get out of this limbo is to either totally change my profession, or try to get credentials in a country like Canada. My diploma doesn't give me any advantage there.

 

What do you think?

[mesmerized]

As much as you wish to teach in an English speaking country in can be very hard because of the competition. Everybody wants a native language teacher, its understandable. So maybe switch your view a bit to other places? Because as I can see your biggest problem now is that you feel useless and unclaimed because of the competition. But you are needed, believe me, just in the different places, so keep looking, but look smartly if you want to become successful. It will save you time and nerves.

 

Matter of fact, teaching is the last resort option. I don't want to teach English till the end of the world. After 5 years I'm experiencing the burnout syndrome.I'm rather thinking of totally changing my scope. If I could go for a PhD then perhaps I could become a teaching assistant. That would change a lot. It's a whole different thing.

 

The only choice I see is to gather as much money as I can and apply for a PhD or major in something new. I guess there's no other way.

[lerenard]

regarding first point - move from China. that will immediately give you a breath of fresh air.

as we all told you before - its NEVER too late to go and get a degree. never.

you said your dream was to get a PhD, so go after it. having a higher degree can make you a lot more wanted.

if you are now in that part of the world, and you don't want to go back to Europe - go directly to Australia. but I am afraid you will have the same problem there with you not being a native English speaker. but studying there can be worth it.

[mesmerized]

Hello All,

 

I don't know if you guys are still here... but... I've been thinking about all of it. I know what I want to do in life, I just don't know how to get it started. I want to pursue further studies, perhaps get a PhD and then become English and American Literature teacher... I have no idea how to describe the feeling I'm getting these days but I know that there's no other way. I know I WANT to do it... I don't want to teach English (as a language) It's killing me. After 5 years of doing it, I know it's not my thing, no matter how good I am at it. The problem is that I have no bloody idea how I could even get a PhD in this field. I'm not a prodigy or a genius... I just have a passion... and I want to make the dream come true.

[Doofus]

Why can't you apply to go to school in the US? There's probably no country whose higher education system is more welcoming to foreign students. Take the GRE and start applying. You could be here on a student visa in less than 6 months.

In the mean time, go home. You have no idea how many years your current situation is taking off of your life. Really, there's nothing more important than your health. I know you feel trapped, but you don't have to be. Leave China at all costs. Even if you have to come home and be labeled a failure. Many many great men were labeled failures at some point in their lives. They are now regarded as great because they bounced back. You can too. Failure is not the end. (And, I should emphasize, moving away from a place because it is killing you is not failure...) It is an opportunity. You can shine even more brightly because of the darkness you're in now. Dig in.

[mesmerized]

Why can't you apply to go to school in the US? There's probably no country whose higher education system is more welcoming to foreign students. Take the GRE and start applying. You could be here on a student visa in less than 6 months.

 

Hey Doofus, thanks for your insights. OK, in all honesty, here's why I'm not sure if I can apply for US schools.

 

1) Money. The tuition fee is so high in the US. I mean, I think only the rich can afford to pay for it. I checked Canadian unis to... jesus, some majors cost 25,000 dollars!

2) My age. I'm afraid they'll reject me based on my age. I'm gonna be 29 soon.

3) I'm don't have the know-how as far as the application procedures are concerned (but I'm working on it)

 

Last week I taught a class on Mesoamerican civilisations and another one on the early English settlements in the Chesapeake Bay... We discussed the settlement of Jamestown, we talked about what the English expected to achieve there, how the European settlers established first contacts with the native inhabitants of the New Land and how that contact influenced the native peoples... We talked about the Powhatan Confederacy and Iroquois Confederacy... God, how much I love telling students about those little pieces of trivia! They asked me how come the settlers didn't immediately overwhelm the Indians... they loved those little pieces of trivia I gave them... such as the fact that a musket was so much slower at that time than bow and arrows (about 8 times slower to be exact) etc. etc.

 

I could just go on and on like that... I just feel this is what I love... I'd love to go for a PhD and become a university teaching assistant or even a teacher... I just don't know how or where to start.

 

PS.

 

4) I have a Master's degree. Don't you think universities might say "well, you already have a degree, why do you want another one?"

[mesmerized]

Sorry for the typing mistakes in the previous post.

[mesmerized]

Hi everyone,

 

Looks like my thread is dying... I don't know where to seek help.

 

2 days ago I found out my uncle hanged himself. He must have been having serious financial problems but that's just my family's assumption. Nobody really knows what happened. I think he must have reached a point where he didn't see any other way out of whatever mess he had been in. I hardly knew him as we were never close... I suppose I could count all the words and sentences we exchanged in life but still...

 

It all makes me wonder, it all makes me think about my own life. I feel worthless. My diplomas are worth nothing. I'm still in China because I wouldn't be able to get a well-paid job in my homeland but even here the situation is getting tougher and tougher. All I have is my teaching experience so I suppose nobody would employ me in any kind of company. I wanted to pursue further education in one of the English-speaking countries, even go for a PhD in literature but I don't have the funds. My birthday is coming, I'm all alone here but I can't quit the job now. It's gonna be another lonely birthday... 3rd in a row now... I'm not even asking for a relationship... I just want to have some perspectives for the future... I want to pursue my dreams...

 

All of my students are going to study in the US... I just listen to them jealously... and feel like a tool that is needed temporarily... I don't want to teach English until the end of my life.

 

I think I'm just inadequate... I don't fit in... I see no options anymore. I came to such a low point that I think putting a bullet thorugh my head doesn't seem to be a bad option.

 

Looks like I lost this game. There are no savegames, no way to go back and change things. I chose the wrong studies, I chose the wrong lifepath.

[chitown9]

I have been following your thread with interest as my daughter taught English in South Korea for two years. Out homeland is the United States. She came back to the United States when she was 36 years old. She has a masters degree in English/American Literature. The reason that she went abroad to work is because that is where she coud find work that was related in her field somewhat. The job market for teachers in the United States is not good unless it is as a Special Needs teacher.

 

Did you ever look into the idea about Maylasia? ...chi

[mesmerized]

Thanks for your reply Chitown9

 

In all honesty, I really want to move out Asia. I have to live in a Western country no matter what it takes. I would never be able to settle down here in Asia... let alone have an Asian wife. Too many cultural differences. I've tried. Undoable. So Malasia is not an option.

 

I don't know what to do and it's mentally killing me every day. I think that if someone as tough as my uncle hit the brick wall and did what he did then sooner or later the same thing will happen to me. I see NO WAY out of this mess.

 

I could try to go back to school and totally change my education... another BA would take me 3 years, which is a nail to the coffin... I'd be 32 or 33... no job, no GF, perspectives.

 

What about my ambitions? What about my dreams? I wanted to get a PhD and be an academic teacher. I feel like a f-ING looser. Sorry for the curses but I can't hold all those emotions anymore. My life is a f-ING disaster. How long can I live in this limbo? I haven't even been out with any friends for 2 years. My next birthday will be spent totally alone here and life is passing by. I wanna scream, yell and go to hell with all of this.

 

I think about all this every single day and the more I think, the more I'm convinced that there's only one solution - to end this ed up mess.

 

Sorry for the words again.

[Liraele]

Every day that you're alive is a chance to turn it around.

 

You have to really want to though. That means taking action, even tiny steps, toward the changes you want to make every single day. No action? No change.

 

It can be something as small as making an effort to wake up every day and smile. Start each day off that way.

 

It can be as big as flooding schools with applications, or packing up all of your belongings and hitting the road to somewhere else with no plan and deciding to wing it and see how it goes. It may fail epically, but at least you're doing something.

 

Or it can be anywhere in between. The key to change, though, is action. Everyone can do something, no matter their circumstances, in order to better their days; that includes you.

 

Don't expect your circumstances to change overnight. Windfalls like winning the lottery or having all your debt disappear are great, but unrealistic hopes in most circumstances. Keep your goals realistic and achievable (but requiring some effort and work on your part), and keep upping them as you achieve them.

 

Eat good foods. Take care of your body - it will help take care of your mind.

 

Expect less, do more. Help someone less fortunate than yourself. Volunteer. Talk to a stranger. Get outside your comfort zone. Go for a walk. Sit in a cafe and people watch.

 

Get out and freaking live.

 

I know it sounds ridiculous, and hard, and like I'm throwing things at you that are obvious or unreachable. They're not. All of these things have the potential to turn your life around and help you reevaluate your perspective. You just have to do them.

 

PS - I'm 32 (almost). I have a ridiculous amount of education already, and am planning to go back to school yet again. You're not going to be too old when you get out to do anything you want to do. The journey itself is an adventure, not just a means to an end. Perspective depends on you. Change yours if you're not happy with your current one.

[mesmerized]

Post below.

[mesmerized]

Liraele, thanks for your reply.

 

Let me address some of the key points...

 

1) I've wanted to change my situation for over a year and a half. Yet, I haven't found any options leading to a better life.

2) I've been flooding schools with my CV, but in Asia it's really simple - unless you're a young, white American, you can go to hell. Some of the employers don't even bother to look at your demo class unless your passport says you're a native speaker. No matter how well I can teach, it's just unimportant.

3) Go out and live... I'd like to be able to do so. Nothing else. I'm in one of the dirtiest/most polluted cities in China. I have no real friends here, my co-workers (Chinese) don't like to go out or are married. I have NO life here. Nothing. It's been like that for 2 years. I can't even go for a run in the summer because air pollution is THAT serious. Outdoor physical activities are not recommended.

4) I have no bloody idea how I could afford to pay for my education in Canada or the UK. Maybe I should sell my kidney.

 

I'm TIRED of living like that. It's NOT life. Life is passing me by and I can't even go out and relax after work. Every single Friday is spent in the same way - having a drink and watching a movie, then going to bed.

 

So how exactly, given the circumstances, and the fact that I chose the wrong lifepath, do I change my life? I can't shake of suicidial thoughts because there's simply NOTHING to give me ANY hope whatsoever.

[Liraele]

1.) What have you done to change it? I mean, actually done. It doesn't have to be some big, grand thing. Little things you do to improve your mood and mindset can drastically improve your overall quality of life.

2.) If you want to get out of Asia, why aren't you sending your CV elsewhere? If you are, are you being realistic about where you are sending it to? If not, change it.

3.) It is that simple. Your current friends don't like to go out? Go alone. Meet new people. Sit at a bar and people watch. You don't need to have someone with you. I'm not sure what being in the dirtiest/most polluted city has to do with anything. If there are places to go, go. You are standing in your own way, based on everything you are saying.

4.) Apply for scholarships. Financial aid. There are a lot of options, you just have to do some work to get them.

[mesmerized]

1.) What have you done to change it? I mean, actually done. It doesn't have to be some big, grand thing. Little things you do to improve your mood and mindset can drastically improve your overall quality of life.

 

I've done a lot of research on immigration to Canada and New Zealand. I've gotten in touch with some people living there. I also checked the possibilities of going back to my homeland. Immigration rules are fairly simple, yet, very strict. My set of skills is not wanted there. In my homeland I'd have to move back to my paretns' house which is out of question. Unless I can pay heaps of money for education, I can forget about moving to a different country.

 

3.) It is that simple. Your current friends don't like to go out? Go alone. Meet new people. Sit at a bar and people watch. You don't need to have someone with you. I'm not sure what being in the dirtiest/most polluted city has to do with anything. If there are places to go, go. You are standing in your own way, based on everything you are saying.

 

I've never been good at making new friends as I'm a bit of a shy bookworm. Not to metion the fact that my EX-GF (European) is still in this city, which limits my options as I don't want to run into her and her new BF...ever.

 

4.) Apply for scholarships. Financial aid. There are a lot of options, you just have to do some work to get them.

 

Yes, I've been trying to find some information about that. So far, no luck. Yes, I did find some scholarships for PhDs but in fields such as chemistry or bio-chemistry. Nothing related to my field. I guess modern world doesn't give a damn about humanities.

 

Look, try to understand my situation. I'm all alone here and I made the wrong choice chosing this particular career path - education (which leads to nowhere) I don't know how to restart my life, I really don't. Last week my uncle killed himself. He ended up in a finacial dead end street. A month ago my friend lost her job again even though they were paying her scraps. I don't know, maybe I'm just not supposed to be here.

[Liraele]

It seems that you want someone to agree that it's hopeless. You've been given plenty of ideas and feedback throughout the thread. You have an excuse for every idea that is presented to you, because you want to believe the situation is hopeless. You wholeheartedly believe that it is, and I don't think anything we say is going to change your mind about that until you are ready to change your perspective.

 

I'm not a fan of beating myself against a brick wall, which is what I'd be doing if I continued to to respond to your points. So I won't. I will say: Good luck. Your mindset - current mindset - is your biggest enemy. Face it. Change it. That's your answer.

[mesmerized]

It seems that you want someone to agree that it's hopeless. You've been given plenty of ideas and feedback throughout the thread. You have an excuse for every idea that is presented to you, because you want to believe the situation is hopeless. You wholeheartedly believe that it is, and I don't think anything we say is going to change your mind about that until you are ready to change your perspective.

 

I'm not a fan of beating myself against a brick wall, which is what I'd be doing if I continued to to respond to your points. So I won't. I will say: Good luck. Your mindset - current mindset - is your biggest enemy. Face it. Change it. That's your answer.

 

How exactly is that supposed to help me? I replied to your question "what have you done to change your situation?" and you are telling me I have an excuse for every idea that is presented to me?

 

What would you want me to do? How would go around these obstacles huh??? Tell me. How would you deal with immigration? How would you find a job in a place where your skills are NOT wanted? What would you do if you were in my situation? I'm here because I'm seeking for help. It's easy to say "change your mindset and life will be peachy"

 

You think it's easy 'cause you live in a good country, have a job and money for education and people who support you. Have you ever been in a place so dark that you can't see any way out? Have you ever been in a place that was so polluted that you can't see the sun or the buildings?

 

So what would you have me do? How can my mindset change the OBJECTIVE facts? If I have no money for education, if I can't move to a different country with my skills then what the hell am I supposed to do? Blow my head off? I sure have considered that, wish I could be so merciless to do it and leave my parents in grief, but I'm not. My uncle hanged himself a week ago, maybe I could be next.

 

If you don't want to advise me here, do you know any other websites where I can seek help or support?

 

Nobody ing knows how it all feels! Nobody know how messed up my life is! Nobody knows how it feels to have no way out!

[mhowe]

You look not for a place where your skills are NOT wanted/needed --- but for a place where they ARE.

 

And I would spend every spare minute of time researching until I found a way out.

[mesmerized]

You look not for a place where your skills are NOT wanted/needed --- but for a place where they ARE.

And I would spend every spare minute of time researching until I found a way out.

 

I want to move to an English speaking country and find a job there. I don't want to teach English until the end of my life. Why can all my students apply for Yale or Princton but I can't? Just because I have no money?

[mesmerized]

It's 1 am here... I haven't prepared anything for my class... All I can think of right now is suicidal thoughts. I don't want to wake up, go to work, pretend I'm happy to teach them... I want this to END!!!

[mhowe]

I want to move to an English speaking country and find a job there. I don't want to teach English until the end of my life. Why can all my students apply for Yale or Princton but I can't? Just because I have no money?

 

You can apply there. And apply for financial aid at the same time.

[Liraele]

What would you want me to do? How would go around these obstacles huh??? Tell me. How would you deal with immigration? How would you find a job in a place where your skills are NOT wanted???

 

My answers to your questions were already there. General, and broad, but there nonetheless. Read your responses to my points. Each of them contains an excuse. You see them as valid reasons, and that's your prerogative. When you look back with a different POV and a more open mind, you'll see that there are solutions waiting to be taken advantage of.

 

So, here. For me, specifically?

 

I would find out what I needed to do, and start saving for a move. Doesn't matter if it's $10 a week. It's progress. It's setting a goal to make a change. Barring abuse, or something traumatic, I would be willing to move back in with my parents on a temporary basis if I had no other options. It's OK to ask for help, and to need a respite while you figure things out and start over. There isn't any shame in that. Starting over is OK. At any point. Whether you are 15 or 90. It's your life. If you're not living it the way you imagined, make a change. Make goals for achieving that change. Make them manageable. And then do what you need to do to reach them. Break everything down into achievable and attainable individual actions. Big picture can be scary. Looking at the puzzle pieces and finding how they fit together to create that big picture is sometimes much easier and less anxiety and "I can't do it" mentality inducing.

 

I would be willing to start at the bottom at ANY job that would get me out of the situation I loathed, and that would give me an opportunity to reach for new, bigger, better things. (By "any" I mean things like food service, etc. Entry-level, basic jobs that anyone can do.) I wouldn't care. I would find something, somewhere.

 

I would go back to school for something that I loved to do. If that meant busting my butt to get grants, or having to take financial aid that I'd pay off over the course of however many years - I'd do it. I'd set a goal, and stick to it.

 

I would get off my butt, stop feeling sorry for myself, and get out of the house. If I didn't have friends, I'd be making an effort to meet new people and try new things on my own. I'd make a point every day to do something I enjoyed. I'd be interested in the world around me. I'd be willing to see that there is beauty in everything. That there are people out there that I could help, even though I needed help, too. Funny thing about that is, when you help someone else, a lot of times you find out you helped yourself along the way, too. Not ready to do that? Set a deadline for your wallowing. When you hit that deadline, go out and do it anyway.

 

I don't know your whole story, and that's OK. You don't know mine, either. The truth is super simple, and universal. You have a choice, every single day, what you do with your life. That doesn't mean your circumstances are perfect. That doesn't mean that life is all sunshine and rainbows. It means you get up, grit your teeth, and work toward what you want. You don't sit around and bemoan what the world has thrown at you, that things didn't turn out how you wanted. You get up every time you get knocked down and say: "You hit like a birch." You make the best of what you have, where you are, while reaching for more. Some situations aren't easy to get into or out of. That's not the same as saying it can't be done.

 

So, I am listening. Your situation, while unique to you, is not unique. You're not alone. You're not the only one that has ever felt like crap, believed that their life sucked, that they were at a dead end, that there was no light at the end of the tunnel or that if there is a light, it's most likely a train. The difference is what you do when you're at that point. Lay down and take it, or stand up and fight back for what you want.

 

Until you're actually ready to stand up and fight, you're going to make excuses. You're going to want to end your life and think that's the only solution. It's the easiest out. If you don't exist, you don't have to deal. I don't think throwing away your life just because things are hard or not the way you think they should be is the right choice, but it is a choice. Looking up, looking forward, taking action - all of those things are hard. Really, really hard. And they are a lot of work. They take time. They take perseverance. They take a will and a desire to live. They take a conscious effort to beat back those hopeless thoughts and feelings and make different choices.