desperately need someone to tell me there is a way out of it

[mesmerized]

Hi,

 

Some of you might have read my other posts.

 

I need someone to tell me I can get better. I need someone to tell me I haven't lost the battle yet. I just need someone to give me some hope or help me see the way to feeling more hopeful. I need someone to tell me if there is a way out of it or not I need to get the answer to this question: is there a point in life one reaches that there's nothing else one can do? In other words, are there any life-dead-end streets that one can't get out of?

 

There are so many people here who need advice on relationships. I was one of them, not a long while ago, but now I'm not even thinking of being with a woman. For some reason, since the last break-up I can't even see myself with anyone anymore but that's not the subject of this thread. I want to stop worrying Is it possible to change one's life dramatically?

 

I can't even take a breath of air. My windows are shut because the pollution level is so high here that we are advised to keep them that way. I can't see the buildings when I look out the window, just some shapes covered in ever-lasting dusty, gray, dreary shield. I don't even remember when I was out in the evening having some fun. I haven't been to a concert in 3 years even though I love music. Why? Because there are none. I don't have any friends here and my co-workers all have families even though they are still quite young. I could go on and on like that. I have no social life whatsoever. Nothing. Zero. Online websites don't really function here and I don't speak the language well enough even though every evening I try to study it.

 

I want to move out of here but my education is stopping me. I have no idea where to start, how to start. A friend of mine moved to Canada nearly four years ago and her diploma means absolutely nothing there. Nobody even looks at it there. She has already moved 9 times during those short 4 years in pursuit of temporary jobs. When it comes to me, I developed a strong dislike for my job but what else can I do? I was thinking of getting education in New Zealand or Canada but the tuition fee is SO HIGH.

 

I was even thinking of selling my small European apartment but my parents strongly discouraged me from doing so as I'd probably get not more than 50% of what my grandparents paid for it and it's the only thing I have so if I completely ran out savings then at least I'd have to place to sleep if I returned to Europe.

 

Please don't say I need meds or something like that. What I need is a glimpse of hope. Something I could hold onto. Why can others achieve so many wonderful things? Some of former classmates are doing PhDs, some emigrated and found jobs... I'm nearly 30 years old and I have absolutely nothing. I want to live. I'm not even asking for a partner, a girl. No, I just want to have at least a small feeling of being a valuable human being.

 

I need help. I need someone to tell me there's a way out of this. I have to stop being worried. Fear controls my whole life.

[stupidmcnugget]

You aren't alone, there is a way out, there are people who care. All I can think of is tell you to think of this as temporary and keep looking for a smart and constructive way to move to a place where your quality of life can increase. In the meantime turn to places like this, talk to family, and do what you can to hold on while you are in this temporary situation...this place where you don't want to be. Try to stay hopeful and when you can't. Turn to you family via phone calls turn here and post. Don't let yourself just stick and focus on how alone you are and how much you hate it.

[lerenard]

Hi there,

 

There are no dead-ends in life. When you struggle it feels like it, but there is ALWAYS a way out. I wont go into details of my own little dead end I went through (still going, its been 5 years now), but you need to see this situation differently. Its an opportunity for you to make a change. Now its not just an opportunity, its a desperate scream for a change. You are not happy, that's for sure, but your life is in your hands.

 

Why cant you go back home, start new? Where are you from? I lived in Bavaria for 2 years, but originally I am from a small Baltic country, and possibilities are great in Germany, life is cheap (not in Bavaria though). There is always England! 30 is young, no matter how down low you feel now - a lot of people can tell you that their life just started when they were 30+ so don't feel scared like you wasted your life, you didn't. Don`t let your fear control you.

 

Do you have somebody (friends, family) that you can ask for help and support? Don`t be afraid to do that, we need our dear ones to stay afloat sometimes. Its not a shame to ask for help.

 

If you have a flat back there go that way, stay at home for sometime, take your life back, normalize your social life, look up possibilities for studying, see some concerts, make peace with yourself, because now you are fighting. Stop pushing yourself into the wrong direction, you are not happy there.

 

Good luck to you! You can do it.

[simplexity]

First let me send you a virtual hugs, *hugs* I feel you.

I can only sympathize and pray that you feel better soon.

I had those moments too, I think, every human being, probably , feels the same way as you do, at one point in their life.

Despite of what you think how successful other people is, how they seem to have it all together.

WE are all fighting our own battle..

These feelings of inadequacy , feeling of being discontented , feeling of being not good enough , should serves us to strive more so as not to remain in our current position.

Everything changes, even our disposition in life.

You owe it to nobody else but yourself to be stronger than this.

Whenever I have this moment , I always try to list down positive things in my life no matter how little they maybe.

Perhaps in your case, you have a job (I know you hate it ) but try to view it in another perspective of seeing how many are unemployed at the current economic crisis.

Another is , you have your own house , while others are struggling to pay their rent .

Fear is a part of our daily life.. what important for you to remember is what you do with it.

It is ok to acknowledge the fear in your life , but please be aware that it should not stop or prevent you from doing anything.

One way to deal with fear , is to try to weigh all the possible consequences /benefits of a certaion decision you want to do at the current stage of your life ..

And if you think that you'll be able to face the consequences or the benefits outweighs the risk .. go for it..

Being brave is not about having no fear , but to know that you're afraid and yet doing still what you fear the most.

As for education , there's now so many ways to learn on-line for free and they give certificates too so at least you don't have to spend a lot to learn.

What is your passion in life? What are your skills? strengths ..

This is a great opportunity right now to look within you.

Be your own hero , you know you're stronger than this .. if anything , you can send me pm too if you need any help.

Take care and I hope you feel better soon.

Lastly, yes , It will get better , as long as you believe in yourself

[mesmerized]

All I can think of is tell you to think of this as temporary and keep looking for a smart and constructive way to move to a place where your quality of life can increase. In the meantime turn to places like this, talk to family, turn here and post.

 

Thanks mcnugget, appreciate your words. I've been in this situation for two years so unfortunately it has become something else than temporary. The worst thing is that I realized I can't do my job well anymore because I feel burnout. The only thing that gives me pleasure is studying. Posting here is a great way to vent but I'm a bit afraid that once people here notice too many posts of mine, they'll simply ignore them.

[mesmerized]

Now its not just an opportunity, its a desperate scream for a change. You are not happy, that's for sure, but your life is in your hands.

 

Thanks larlequin for your inisghts. I'm grateful for every single word people leave here. I sometimes feel like nothing is really in my hands... for example, even though my students love my classes and praise my for my teaching philosophy I have been rejected so many times by employers here in China just because I don't have the US/UK passport. When I tried to apply for financial aid to study I got rejected just because I'm nearly 30. It's like... all beyond my control.

 

Why cant you go back home, start new? Where are you from?

 

That's a great question and I don't know how to answer it properly. I'm from Poland and for some reason I feel that going back there will be my greatest failure. Another reason is that right now teachers are being fired in Poland every single day because the number of new-born babies has been decreasing for the past 15 years and eventually reached the point where language teachers are not in demand any more. But that's just part of the story. I really have to change my job. I don't want to teach anymore. It's killing me mentally. I'm like a machine that gets rusty. No development. What's more, I'm working with my white face here in China rather than with my skills. It feels so bad when people treat you like an entertainer for the teenagers... "because their parents want to see foreign teachers"

 

It's really weird. I never felt happy in my own country. I always wanted to run away. Many of my family members are scattered all around the globe. I seem to follow their steps.

 

As a matter of fact... the reason why I chose English as my major was because I had this fancy dream of moving to the US, Canada or New Zealand. I could never fit in in Poland... Most of my life I was on the run... I studied English and American literature, wrote a paper on post-apocalyptic fiction, got my degree... and it all turned out to be a big mistake because everyone just categorized me as "Mr. Simple Present Tense Teacher" In fact, I've been going backwards. Development is not in my vocabulary anymore.

 

...don't feel scared like you wasted your life, you didn't. Don`t let your fear control you.

That's exactly how I feel. Exactly. I made the wrong choice choosing that major. Fear is a powerful enemy. When I try to imagine myself moving to yet another country I always face most fearsome thoughts and my plans crumble. I keep asking myself "How am I going to get a job? "Who will want to employ you with your educational background?" etc. etc. And the answers come immediately: You are NOT needed, especially in an English-speaking country because of your major

[mesmerized]

Perhaps in your case, you have a job (I know you hate it ) but try to view it in another perspective of seeing how many are unemployed at the current economic crisis.

Another is , you have your own house , while others are struggling to pay their rent .

 

Thanks a lot for your post simplexity and the hug!

 

Yes, I do have a job but... Apart from the burnout syndrome, I have to tell you that the reason I have it is because the city I'm in desperately needs foreign teachers and... foreigners run away from this place because it's one of the most polluted places in China. In fact, the pollution is life-threatening here and there are days when you can't walk down the street without coughing all the time. Whenever I have to face competition in the form of native-English speakers, employers don't even bother to look at my CV. I've tried lots of times to move to a better city but no matter how much experience I have, I always get rejected. I wish someone could listen to my students, look at my experience and then offer me a chance to give a demo class instead of simply judging me by my nationality. For example, even though I have a Master's in TESL, still a guy from the US, without any prior experience or diploma, is sure to get the job. That's how it is here.

 

The house actually still belongs to my grandma, but yes, she wants to give it to me.

 

What is your passion in life? What are your skills? strengths ..

 

I love studying, doing research... That's why I wanted to go back to school... or for a PhD... Studying makes me feel happy, as silly as it sounds. When I learn or feel some development I feel so much better. In fact, when it comes to teaching, I'd be so happy if I could teach history or literature.

 

Actually, I was hoping I could just go to New Zealand or Canada or the UK and become a teacher but I guess nobody needs people like that over there.

 

What frustrates me is that even though I get a lot of positive feedback from my students, and even though I try to help them out with their studying... eventually it gets me nowhere. It's like... one devotes one's life to something only to realize nobody needs them.

 

I want to move out, leave this place, but is it possible to move to one of the above-mentioned countries?

[simplexity]

I know where you should go ..you should try Malaysia

I'll go into details later why .. as I need to log out for now so I'm running out of time .. but for the meantime you can do your own research about the place and see why i did say that Later

[mesmerized]

I know where you should go ..you should try Malaysia

I'll go into details later why .. as I need to log out for now so I'm running out of time .. but for the meantime you can do your own research about the place and see why i did say that Later

 

 

 

Probably because they need language teachers ?

 

An open question to everyone... Is it reasonable to go to a country like Canada, England or New Zealand, get further education at the age of 30 and try to change my career path or get into teaching in those countries?

 

Studying gives me a lot of pleasure. It has always been my dream to get a degree from a good university. Do you think I should pursue this dream or just forget about it? Do you think going for a PhD would be a smart choice? I'm just afraid that employers will look at me and say "you are 33 or 34, have a PhD in literature, that's all nice and dandy but I see no reason why I should employ you since there's a bunch of other candidates waiting outside and they are much younger than you"

[lerenard]

Gosh, I know exactly how you feel about you going back to your home country will feel like your biggest failure. I was in this situation as well, and I stayed for 2 years, but last half of a year there I just wanted to go home or at least somewhere else. I stayed because of my own personal reasons, and now I am very happy I did. BUT I am also BEYOND happy I then went back home, I was burned out exactly like you and being at home gave me so much rest and comfort, people were speaking MY language, they had the same mentality and so on.

I understand that it can sound weird, but you can stay there for less than a year, working at any job that brings you money and takes so much pressure off from you, make your research, take some courses and so on, and then go back to exploring world. Believe me - it wont be a failure. I knew from 10 years old that I wont stay in my home country. i left, but I came back, NOT TO STAY but to take a break, to re-pack, and to see where I want to go next. While here I got a job that gave me a nice experience for my future portfolio, I made wonderful friends, I met my man, I visited my family, saw my nephews and my niece, grandparents and so on. Its nice, believe me, and I never felt less like a failure in my life)

Europe has great universities, some countries provide free education for EU citizens. You know english so your doors are open anyway. For example - I was taken for my job now without any education or serious experience in the field, but because I know english and german. And its very rare here that a person at 22 speaks BOTH english and german. So seek for a job somewhere where your skills are rare and for that reason demand. For example - in Germany they have so called Volkshochschule, where you can take lessons of pretty much anything from any language to wood carving and cooking, which means they constantly need teacher and professors. There are the same institutions in Finland, Norway, Sweden, Denmark and so on. Europe will be so much better for you, believe me)

[mesmerized]

Gosh, I know exactly how you feel about you going back to your home country will feel like your biggest failure. I was in this situation as well, and I stayed for 2 years, but last half of a year there I just wanted to go home or at least somewhere else.

 

herzlichen Dank larequin,

 

My German is a bit rusty to be honest, I haven't used it for a long time. I've been trying to work on my Chinese but I'm pretty sure that unless I stayed in China for 5 more years, it'd never speak it well enough.

 

I guess I don't know how to take the first step. I mean, don't you think it's weird to apply for a university at the age of 29? What's more I don't think going for another BA would be a smart idea. Then I guess another MA would do I suppose it has to be somehow related to my previous studies. I mean, I can't go for an MA in Computer Sciences if I majored in Education or Literature.

 

Lots of my former classmates ended up Down Under or in Canada or the UK... I've always wanted to live in a 100% English speaking society. I don't know how to explain it but I feel somehow better when I use English.

 

Still, what I'd really love to do with my life is to go for a PhD. I'm doing some online courses on philosophy right now and it gives me so much pleasure to dig into knowledge of that sorts.

 

I don't know how to get rid of the fear of embarking on a whole new challenge. It's hard to get rid of all those "what if" questions.

[lerenard]

Its not weird to do anything you want at 29!) I had a friend (also back there in Bavaria) that finished one school and worked in her field for 6 years, then changed her subject drastically and went to uni at 31, and is perfectly happy now.

 

About studying in Germany I meant English as a second language.

 

First step is the scariest, but believe me when you take it everything else would just roll after that. I know that moving to Canada is very hard and you need to do a lot for them to want you there, but if you have a good degree you can do it twice as fast. "What if`s" would be there all the time, but if you let them dictate your choices in life you will never be able to reach your dreams.

 

Still, what I'd really love to do with my life is to go for a PhD. I'm doing some online courses on philosophy right now and it gives me so much pleasure to dig into knowledge of that sorts.

 

That`s wonderful, see - you can do what you want and what brings you pleasure, so keep it up!)

[SooSad33]

You can change your life choices anytime. I went back to college (Canada) at age 40.

I am not sure how long you've been where you are now, for schooling, but it sounds like you're burning out? (stir crazy..)

How about some interests like hobbies.. or sports?

Art classes or something. Can you look it up in local papers?

Something.. to keep yourself (your mind) a bit busier.

Do your best to stay healthy and when you're schooling is done there.. plan to go! I cant see a reason to remain

there any longer than you have to. Sounds nasty.. polution etc.

[mesmerized]

You can change your life choices anytime. I went back to college (Canada) at age 40.

I am not sure how long you've been where you are now, for schooling, but it sounds like you're burning out? (stir crazy..)

How about some interests like hobbies.. or sports?

Art classes or something. Can you look it up in local papers?

Something.. to keep yourself (your mind) a bit busier.

Do your best to stay healthy and when you're schooling is done there.. plan to go! I cant see a reason to remain

there any longer than you have to. Sounds nasty.. polution etc.

 

Hi SoSad33, glad to see you here. You dropped a few lines in some of my other threads some time ago. It's me again, yeah.

 

This is China. I love it and I hate it. I can't even read local newspapers. Sports. I used to go to the gym. Well, outdoor activities are not recommended here. Like I said before, there are days in wintertime you can't even walk without coughing, summers are OK, one can even go running if the pollution index is bellow 100points. Yesterday it was 230, one of the highest in China.

 

I'm not in school, I'm not a student. I'm a teacher and for various reasons I don't want to be here anymore (all of them are mentioned above, pollution and being refused to get a job are just the most burning ones, kind of)

 

At this very moment, right now, I'm browsing through immigration-related pages. I'm checking Canada right now and it looks like a friend of mine was right... my diploma means nothing in Canada.

 

Most of my students have gone there, even though their language skills were not up to the required standards (investment immigration opens all doors) but I don't know how to do that... Language is not a problem at all for me. I actually prefer to use English to every other language I can speak.

[mesmerized]

You can change your life choices anytime. I went back to college (Canada) at age 40.

 

I'm reading about tuition fees in Canada. They are VERY high. Did you apply for any scholarships?

[mesmerized]

Dear ENA users,

 

I've just talked with a friend of mine from Canada (she's European, moved there about 4 years ago)

 

She says it's extremely difficult to move there and that the Canadian government usually does whatever it can to stop immigrants from coming.

 

I'm losing hope. I really am.

[mhowe]

Well, then cross Canada off the list and look into the other countries on your list ---England, Oz....

 

Instead of losing hope, gain focus. Each piece of information you gather is more forward progress.

[simplexity]

Hi, I'm back .. okay .. just like you , I am working overseas here in Malaysia .

I have been here for quite couple of years .

And I am a traveller myself.

I have few observations in this country compared to others in terms of economic status , cost of living etc..

 

Let's start with your desire to study again .. you can pursue your degree here with only a fraction of cost compared to Canada/ NZ and yet the schools are being internationally recognized and worldwide standards -- to name a few : Limkokwing , MMU etc.

 

Cost of living is very minimal of course compared to EU, NZ and Canada.

Weather is only sunny and rainy .

It has no storms, no earthquake -- very minimal calamities . It will have a month where there are few heavy rains but it never last for more than an hour or so.

No pollution yet .

It has best of both worlds in terms of technology and yet being old-fashioned , as locals here preserved their cultures.

People are good and it's generally safe here ..and yes , you can probably work as part-time foreigner teachers here too for some good income.

If you ask me, it's better compared to any other asian countries particulary where you're at..

But don't trust my words for it , you can do your own research or better yet if you have the time u can try to travel and paid Malaysia a visit so you can see it for yourself

Hope it can be a good start for you for now, what is important is to do little changes in your life now and a new environment without compromising too much with the cost of living will surely be a good start . And NO, 29 or 30 still considered not old for a Phd or MBA There's never too old for anything when it comes to learning

[mesmerized]

Well, then cross Canada off the list and look into the other countries on your list ---England, Oz...

 

Instead of losing hope, gain focus. Each piece of information you gather is more forward progress.

 

Thanks mhowe, but it's hard not to lose hope if... OK, let me put it bluntly:

 

My life is a complete mess at the moment. In fact, it has been like that for 2 years. It's been like everlasting torment. I feel useless. Plainly useless. I don't even know what I could do in Australia or Canada. I have 2 degrees and it seems that I'm just an educated fool, totally inadequate and inapt.

 

Even my English is getting worse here because I'm surrounded by people who hardly speak the language.

 

I feel that time is passing by and I'm not moving onward, quite the contrary. Somehow, others have the money to pay for tuition fee, somehow others can cope with emigration, chase their dreams.

 

I spent the whole night thinking, browsing websites... I slept for 2 hours, woke up at 8 and couldn't bare more so I took some pills I used to take a year ago... They are psychotropic drugs and I don't even care anymore about consulting the doctor. I just want things to change.

 

It's like a bottomless pit. With my skills I'm worthless in the countries I would consider moving to (that is all the English speaking countries, and most of the European ones)

 

I don't know what to do. Fortunately I have some savings, not a lot, but I won't die for a few months. I stared feeling suicidal to be honest but I know I can't do that. So I'm in this permanent limbo. Nowhere to go. et

 

All I know is that I don't want to be in Asia anymore.

 

My grandmother lives in Canada, she says I should go there, but she's over 80 and has no idea how strict the immigration procedures are. As if those websites were telling me: "go to hell, we don't need you looser"

 

I could try to save as much money as I can and then apply for a university in Canada to get teaching credentials over there and then pray to whatever god is willing to listen for a job. I suppose that Canadians would still prefer to employ one of their own.

[mhowe]

Then stop hiding and taking pills and figure out how to get out of Asia. Whether it is joining a group that teaches English as a foreign language, or what ever.

 

Taking more classes/more degrees is not the answer. Join a volunteer group and get out of the country. Don't focus on you...but what you have to offer.

[mesmerized]

Then stop hiding and taking pills and figure out how to get out of Asia. Whether it is joining a group that teaches English as a foreign language, or what ever.

 

Taking more classes/more degrees is not the answer. Join a volunteer group and get out of the country. Don't focus on you...but what you have to offer.

 

What do I have to offer? Not much. Nothing that could get me through immigration. I'm just a bloody English teacher. The only way to get a work permit is to apply for university. There's no other way as far as I know.

 

When two weeks ago I ended up in the hospital I realized how wrong my life was/is. I lost control over my limbs, vomited and fainted. If it wasn't for my Chinese ex-girlfriend nobody would have found me. The doctors did a bunch of tests, said everything was OK and told me it must have been the result of stress... asked me some questions... What was I supposed to tell them? That I'm so worried about my life and future that I'm killing myself with negative thoughts?

 

Still, I won't go back to my country. I'd rather die here.

[mhowe]

As far as you know.

 

Do some research. Never in the history of the world has information about change/availability been at your finger tips!!

 

And yes...stress is killing you. So figure out how to eliminate the stress and move forward. Been there, done that. Had to quit a job and step into the abyss...to eliminate the stress that would probably have killed me in my 40's. I am now 53 and kinda stress free!!!

[mesmerized]

As far as you know.

 

Do some research. Never in the history of the world has information about change/availability been at your finger tips!!

 

Yes, I'm definitely going to do that. I haven't given up yet. I just hope I can post here from time to time and get some friendly advice just like I'm getting it from you and others who have been kind enough to drop a few lines here.

 

I really think my greatest skill is the ability to teach well. I'd love to teach in an English speaking country but I suppose I can't compete against Canadians or Australians.

[mhowe]

Then take all the time you need and keep researching....

 

I don't know squat about immigration laws or wherever you are from. But I do know there are hundreds of philantrophic institutions that will take you on and send you to other countries...keep searching!1

[lerenard]

Yes, I'm definitely going to do that. I haven't given up yet. I just hope I can post here from time to time and get some friendly advice just like I'm getting it from you and others who have been kind enough to drop a few lines here.

 

I really think my greatest skill is the ability to teach well. I'd love to teach in an English speaking country but I suppose I can't compete against Canadians or Australians.

 

 

As much as you wish to teach in an English speaking country in can be very hard because of the competition. Everybody wants a native language teacher, its understandable. So maybe switch your view a bit to other places? Because as I can see your biggest problem now is that you feel useless and unclaimed because of the competition. But you are needed, believe me, just in the different places, so keep looking, but look smartly if you want to become successful. It will save you time and nerves.