Joe18 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I'm not sure if this is the right place to post so my apologies in advance haha. I'm 18 and in college. It's ok I guess. I'm joining the ROTC program in the spring. But the real reason I came here is to ask for advice. I'm a virgin and it's cause I always like wanted a romantic perfect time. Like the girl loves me for me and I love her and I'm saving myself and it sucks. I feel like everyone has done it already. All my friends just talk about when I see them and it's embarrassing because they don't understand when I explain why I'm still a virgin. I'm still saving myself for someone special, but I don't wanna be like 50 before that happens. I'm just worried I won't find that right someone. I'm an ok looking guy on my best day and I'm always the friend zone kinda guy or the guy you wish your bf was like, but you'd rather have your bf over me guy lol. I shouldn't be to concerned with this, but I am cause time is going by fast. I didn't kiss anyone till this year and I got my first actual gf as well and my first heartbreak haha. I mean I was lucky for these things but not lucky enough for love. It's just hard because I have to really like go out of my way to have a chance with most girls. They always say they can do better so it's hard trying to be the best for a certain person when they always end up finding somebody else. I just don't wanna waste my life thinking I'll find love and have that whole virgin/saving myself thing be for nothing. I'm just scared I'll end up alone or possibly die down the road because of the army thing. I just wanna make sure I'm not wasting more valuable years on trying to maintain things that people don't care too much about. Most of my sisters older friends say they prefer experienced guys and all that stuff and it's nerve racking to be in college and be so inexperienced. I'm just worrying about nothing, but I don't wanna find out later on in life that this was a bad mistake Link to comment
missmarple Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 LOL, you're so young to worry about those things! Here's a little story for you: I met N when I was in college. I was 20 and not a virgin (not very experienced but I had had one boyfriend before). He was 20, too, a virgin and he had never even kissed a girl before. Never had a girlfriend either. We were friends for a while and he often told me what you just did...'I'm going to die alone, I know it!'. Well, about a year later we got together and stayed together for a year. We broke up but stayed friends..his next g/f eventually became his wife and now they have a son and they've been very happy for years..we're still friends by the way. Don't worry...and don't rush into having sex. The right girl will come along, I promise you! Link to comment
Jennifer89 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Have sex when you are ready to. Despite all the talk you hear, plenty of people are "late bloomers" so to speak and don't have sex until they are older then what is seen as "social norms." I waited until I felt ready, which just so happened to be at the age of 20. And looking back at those conversations I had at that age where there were sex jokes or whatever being thrown around, I now recognize that I wasn't the only person with no experience in those groups! When you are ready to have sex (and not just giving into pressure) you will know. I never even kissed a guy until I was 20. Now I probably have... too much... experience for my age, but I don't regret it. Keep your head high and do your own thing, some day you will meet a women who appreciates the fact that you waited for her, and you will be glad you did. Link to comment
Ironman3 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Remember one thing, being a virgin or not is a choice you make. Not one that has to be lost by a particular time or to be lost because everyone else around you has lost it. There's a lot more to life than that. And it's good that you are saving it for the one who deserves it. I'd say its a good thing. Don't worry about that person right now. You'll find someone you will 'click' with and everything will fall into place. And trust me, you feel special about the person who you lost it first to, if it's true love that is. And it feels great later on. Just losing it to anyone doesn't feel all that good. So hang in there, focus on being the right, nice, loving guy. Love will come to you. And so will everything else. Good luck! Link to comment
jonny15 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Go ahead and have it when you have the chance. There is no need to wait for the so called special one. Because, what if that person doesn't come along? If that happens, and you stay the course, it's just gonna be you alone with your hand when your my age, and you don't want that. Go get some if you have the opportunity. Link to comment
louisecar Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 i love to hear a man talk about how he is waiting to have sex with someone he loves. i meet so many who are the opposite. i lost mine at 20 and i wouldnt say i was waitin for prince charmin, im a realistic person, but i was waiting for someone i felt comfortable with and liked a lot. it was a positive experience and i did it because i wanted to, not because of peer pressure or any of the other negative reasons some people have sex young. i think there are many "late bloomers" out there but few will admit to it so youre not alone. the only thing i will say is i get what you mean about the time we are living in and how many are losing their virginity young. this means that you have to be prepared to meet a girl who you want to lose it with and who may have lost hers already or had several partners. will you be okay with that? Link to comment
simplexity Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 Relax ... it's not a sin to be at 18 and still be a virgin .. don't make such a big deal out of it .. everything you need to know when that things happen will just fall into place when you are with the right person .. getting physical with someone is more of giving pleasure to that person and you'll know that by instincts .. there's no such things as experienced or inexperienced .. jsut wait for that right girl and the right moment .. really .. don't sweat it .. you're fine .. nothing is wrong it will happen so quickly , you won't even know what hit you lol Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I lost my virginity when I was 18, almost 19. I think it's so cool that you're saving it for the right person. I don't think that's a bad thing. You just got to college and you have so much to experience. You'll find someone if you are open to it and make an effort to meet people. I think if you are of the romantic mindset, You won't regret waiting. Many people wait, actually. Not everyone should just screw the first thing that comes in. I don't recommend that actually. Studies have shown that connected, emotional sex is better than casual sex, especially for men. You are going to have a better time if you wait for someone you care about, instead of just the s___t next door. That's not special. Link to comment
Ginger1 Posted October 4, 2013 Share Posted October 4, 2013 I'm 25 now and never really thought too much about saving sex for someone. Had sex for first time at 24 after just dating 2 other people. Its not a huge deal. I didn't love that guy, I broke up with after a few months and I don't feel like I wasted anything because he wasn't my soul mate. If anything it just gave me a little practice. Still have n't found soul mate, but for me, sex will just one part of that. Don't worry too much. And truthfully at 18 in college there are plenty of guys who haven't had sex, even if they joke about it. Link to comment
judder86 Posted October 5, 2013 Share Posted October 5, 2013 Well, I am 27 and still waiting. I... think I will die alone lol I guess that is a common thought, so it helps to know that I am not the only one. It is hard to be like this, but I don't know what to do about it. I don'y like casual sex, or at least I don't feel like doing it. I think I need to know her a little bit before having sex. I hope I am not wrong. Link to comment
Yasminah Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Hi there, Don't worry. Staying a virgin where you are is a virtue today. I know you're not doing it for religious reasons, but remember, only a few centuries ago in Europe virginity was the standard. So it's not the business of anyone to tell you what to do! Link to comment
Peter SC Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I was a virgin until I was 22. I wanted it to be special, but it wasn't. A lot of escorts just care about the money. I've had one GF who used me... Link to comment
jonny15 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Hi there, Don't worry. Staying a virgin where you are is a virtue today. I know you're not doing it for religious reasons, but remember, only a few centuries ago in Europe virginity was the standard. So it's not the business of anyone to tell you what to do! There isn't anyting virtuous about being a virgin. He needs to get rid of it before he gets too old. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 It IS virtuous if he's specifically saving it for someone special instead of banging the first walking wet hole he sees. Many men do that and it's gross. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 What if that special someone doesn't come along? Are they suppose to just stay a virgin until they die? Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 If the guy is bettering himself to be both the best partner he can be and the best PERSON he can be and is putting himself out there to meet women, then he's going to find someone. Partners don't just fall into laps. Link to comment
jonny15 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 If the guy is bettering himself to be both the best partner he can be and the best PERSON he can be and is putting himself out there to meet women, then he's going to find someone. Partners don't just fall into laps. Yes, but that doesn't mean it's going to be with a person they are in love with. It will most likely be with someone that they have mutal attration to. Not that special someone. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 We have no idea whether or not it's "likely" that he'll fall in love with that person... If he doesn't love her, he doesn't have to do her, he can move on and find someone else. My point is that improving himself and putting himself out there really, really increases the chance that he'll find someone. And falling in love happens when there is a mutual attraction. It's really not that hard to fall in love when you find someone that you like personality wise and you share things with. I think OP is off to a good start and I know he'll find someone. Maybe he won't stay with her forever but I'm sure the sex will mean something to him more than just a random screw. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I want to add too, something I've learned from this forum. If someone is single and doesn't want to be, there's a reason why. Sometimes it has nothing to do with the person! Maybe they aren't looking in the right places or maybe they aren't looking at all. Sometimes they pick bad partners or unavailable people and this is a pattern they have yet to break! Sometimes, it is the person. They aren't improving themselves. They aren't putting effort into themselves. Maybe they lack self awareness and don't see that they are being potentially rude. Or sometimes, they have underlying trauma, attitudes, or fears that inhibit them that they need to work on before they can find someone. Just food for thought. Link to comment
Peter SC Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 I agree with Fudgie. I think if you have had bad luck in the past, it can make you feel on edge and as a result, one will become extra desperate, but you have to choose your potential partners wisely. The last time I sought out my only notable girlfriend from more than half a decade ago, I just got used again. It felt that bad that I should have come with a 'moron' tag. So all I'm saying is, try not to be too desperate. What I did was in my view for the best, as I wanted the person to love, but the subsequent stuff I ignored consisted of backstabbing, using me and being dominating. So watch out for that too! Link to comment
hrtlsngl7 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 You'll regret on what you're missing out on. Once you have sex, you're whole perspective changes on the subject. Link to comment
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