Is it our innate nature to forgive?

[yeawutever]

I know this might seem like I'm overgeneralizing and there might be some women that are cold as ice but most of the time, everything there is a story about forgiveness it's always a woman forgiving (whether that's a friend, a relative, a terrible bf, etc.).

 

I'm wondering how true is that? Is this the ability of having the capacity of showing unconditional love? About us having this innate nature? I consider myself kind but there are certain things for me that would be beyond forgiving. I have limits when it comes to forgiving. In that way, I feel my brain works more logical like a man's. I don't see nor heard of too many men being overly forgiving for almost everything, even when someone is treating him badly nor the man coming back for some more if he gets rejected many times but with women that seems to happen more.

[Seraphim]

Don't confuse forgiveness with " non logic ." Forgiveness is not always about unconditional love either. Forgiveness is just as much about the forgiver as the "forgive e" Forgiving can provide healing for one that gives forgiveness.

[Captain Obvious]

Maybe you just hear these stories more because women like to tell them more or maybe it could be women tend to base their judgements off of emotions more, who knows.

[yeawutever]

Don't confuse forgiveness with " non logic ." Forgiveness is not always about unconditional love either. Forgiveness is just as much about the forgiver as the "forgive e" Forgiving can provide healing for one that gives forgiveness.

I know but from the stories I hear on forum and what I've seen, even when given poor treatment (example: a bf that cheats multiple times or friend that doesn't care about her), the woman still has those people in her life and forgives right away. Unlike, a man would get rid of people like that faster or if he forgives, he either wouldn't have them back in his life or it would take a long time.

 

I'll give you a brief example of me: When I was 19 years old and single, sometimes I would flash on cam. My parents found out about it through some stupid jerk calling my house and explaining it everything on the answering machine. As you can imagine, they took it as if a train wreck took place (and I was still a virgin then, just was fooling around online and curious). My mother forgot it the next and didn't want to talk about it. We get on speaking terms very fast but my father took about 1 whole month for him to even say hi to me. He forgot it with time eventually but I recalled hearing almost the whole conversation they had. He almost wanted to throw me out of the house and my mother had to talk him out of it.

If it was for him, yeah I would have been kicked out and on my own. I know he would have talk to me again eventually but it would taken a couple months longer instead of 1 month.

[Seraphim]

I'm sorry but I don't believe we are any less logical than a man.

 

What is with all the gender bias threads lately?

[yeawutever]

Maybe you just hear these stories more because women like to tell them more or maybe it could be women tend to base their judgements off of emotions more, who knows.

It's base on emotions mainly. I don't doubt men have feeling too but I don't see them staying with bad people too much. For instance, if a girl cheats on a bf no matter how much he may still love her, he still dumps her. With the woman, many times she'll forgive.

[yeawutever]

I'm sorry but I don't believe we are any less logical than a man.

 

What is with all the gender bias threads lately?

I'm not trying to be bias but I'm trying to understand why does forgiveness seems to come more from a woman than a man. It's base on what my experience and what I've seen on other places over the years.

 

For example, if I ever were to go as far as prostitute myself my mother would still forgive me while it would probably take years for my father to speak to me. I can do so many things my mother would forgive me for that my father would take longer. The way he reacted towards the cam incidence says it all.

[Captain Obvious]

Sounds to me like your parents are just different people. There are plenty of mothers that would have kicked you out for that, just as there are plenty of fathers that would have reacted leniently.

 

It's base on emotions mainly. I don't doubt men have feeling too but I don't see them staying with bad people too much. For instance, if a girl cheats on a bf no matter how much he may still love her, he still dumps her. With the woman, many times she'll forgive.

 

Many men stay with bad girlfriends as well, I think its just heard about less.

[summerlovin]

I always forgive people because I don't like holding grudges and I think having bitter feelings towards someone is emotionally draining. I think it's a waste of time devoting negative energy to certain people when you can be much happier if you just forgive and let it go. Now forgiving doesn't mean you forget what the person did, it just means you're releasing yourself from bitter feelings and you're letting go of what happened in the past. Just because you forgive someone though doesn't mean you have to give them another chance (as in the case when someone cheats on you).

 

As John Green wrote, "The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive".

[yeawutever]

Many men stay with bad girlfriends as well, I think its just heard about less.

Exactly, yet it's heard a lot when it happens to women. I assume that if I don't hear too much about overly forgiving men, that must be because it happens less.

[Seraphim]

I always forgive people because I don't like holding grudges and I think having bitter feelings towards someone is emotionally draining. I think it's a waste of time devoting negative energy to certain people when you can be much happier if you just forgive and let it go. Now forgiving doesn't mean you forget what the person did, it just means you're releasing yourself from bitter feelings and you're letting go of what happened in the past. Just because you forgive someone though doesn't mean you have to give them another chance (as in the case when someone cheats on you).

 

As John Green wrote, "The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive".

You got it exactly what I meant!! Holding onto bad energy and bad juju just puts you in suffering not the other person.

[Captain Obvious]

Exactly, yet it's heard a lot when it happens to women. I assume that if I don't hear too much about overly forgiving men, that must be because it happens less.

 

Could equally be that men just talk/post on forums about it less. Think of how many women talk to their best friends about their relationships compared to men.

[solamente]

lots and lots of men forgive their women every single day. the b*tching and nagging. all. the. time. can you imagine the forgiveness that they have to display over and over and over and over and over???

[The_Seeker]

I don't know about other people.

 

For myself, it depends on who, the situation at the time, and whether I would cross that line like they did based on my values.

 

For cheating and wanting to get back with me, hell no.

 

For ending the relationship because you thought someone was better and and wanting to get back with me, hell no.

 

For raping and murdering my own family or friends, hell no.

 

So like I said before, it depends on who, the situation at the time, and whether I would cross the line.

 

You have to come up with your own philosophy on your life. It's your life to decide you want to forgive the person or not forgive the person.

[roger8roger]

yes. forgiveness helps us more than those we forgive.

[mhowe]

You are grossly over generalizing. Women do not forgive right away. Some never do -- and that doesn't make them "cold as ice".

 

Your example: You SHATTERED your fathers image of his little girl. Your mother knew you better.

 

Why are you still hung up on this 7 years later?

[yeawutever]

You are grossly over generalizing. Women do not forgive right away.

Then what can be said about those women who either get cheated on multiple times, hit or keep waiting many years for a proposal but still kept saying ''But I love him''. It means they are forgiving. Their man is practically doing anything to them and they'll still forgive him.

Your example: You SHATTERED your fathers image of his little girl. Your mother knew you better.

 

Why are you still hung up on this 7 years later?

That was just an example I could think about but I'm not hung up on that.

[mhowe]

They are not forgiving...they are afraid to be alone and will settle for an idiot rather than do so.

Again --- lumping cheaters and abusers....women stay with abusers because they are conditioned to do so.

Again, low self esteem. They are not forgiving the abuser...they are not strong enough to leave.

 

Forgiveness, by it's very definition, is letting go of the hurt and anger you feel toward someone else in order to move forward in your own journey. The forgiven need not know.